It’s The Real L Word season again and in lieu of traditional recaps about those kooky lesbians of Weho and Brooklyn SheWired has opted to do a weekly list of superlatives not unlike those random, meaningless and totally out of context that were once the mainstay of high school popularity contests. You know, “Best Hair,” “Best Smile,” “Most Likely to insert verb here.”
Without further ado, here are the superlatives for The Real L Word episode 3.2 – Leap of Faith.
Best Use Allusion to Classic American Literature in a Dream:
Now, former lovable lothario Whitney doesn’t allude outright to Moby Dick in the least when she shares her dream about a whale with her sister Alexis. For those of you just catching up, Whitney is on the verge of proposing to her girlfriend – of were not sure how many months or years at this point –Sara, which is likely causing a reformed player like Whitney to question her entire sense of self. She shares that in the dream the whale becomes split open and then deflated. This is clearly a metaphor for the hopes and dreams of every girl in West Hollywood who had one day hoped to hook up with the charmer Whitney and discover one on one just what all the fuss is about. She is the elusive white whale to their collective Captain Ahab.
Most Unintentionally – or was it? – Profound Statement:
Hunter Valentine front woman Kiyomi states in her talking head interview, “I play every show like it’s my last.” Since this is supposed to be profound I’ll just let you all mull that over.
Best Self-Proclaimed Portmanteau:
“L’Amanda” (I’m not sure if there’s supposed to be a French twist to that mash up but that’s how I see it in my head)
I’m a firm believer in allowing the fans to decide one’s mash-up name but newcomers BFF’s and on-again / off-again f*ck buddies Lauren and Amanda were happily reunited during this episode as Lauren’s been in LA for sometime selling her fancy jewelry and Amanda just left a girlfriend in the dust in New York to shack up with her dear jewelry making friend. Within moments of their reunion they drop their mash-up name L'Amanda.
Best Unintentional Paraphrasing of a Hamlet Quote:
“Should I be doing this? Should I not be doing this?”
Later we discover that all is not roses in Chez L’Amanda when Amanda begins to bond with Brittenelle, a girl for whom the red flags should be raised. Lauren is clearly a little jealous despite her prior proclamations that her attachment to Amanda leans firmly on the side of friends who get it on. And Amanda knows there’s going to be trouble if she pursues a whatever with Brittenelle, so she invokes heavily paraphrasing Hamlet’s most famous soliloquy to help her get through it.
Best Use of Stating the Obvious:
“I’d rather drink than do this.”
Back at the house of Lauren and Amanda they about to don Contagion style hazmat suits to paint. Lauren says, “I’d rather drink than do this,” which is pretty much the mantra of every non-fixy type girl out there.
Most Consistent Game Playing in a Relationship:
Kiyomi and her girlfriend Ali are non-monogamous, which is all well and good if they could cut out the insecure attempts to make each other jealous. While on tour with Hunter Valentine Kiyomi explains what is essentially the “girl in every port” theory of travel. She’s a rock star so, yeah, it’s expected that she have her cake and eat it too. After a make out session with one girl in DC Kiyomi announces she’s off to call her girlfriend. Once on the phone she and Ali trade jealousy barbs that pretty much succeed on every front. This is definitely not the poster couple for non-monogamy.
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Best Real L Word-ese: “Cougin”
The episode really hinges on Whitney’s plan to surprise Sara with a rooftop proposal at a Hollywood hotel, and she intends to get her there under the auspices of hosting a spiritual healing party, or something of that ilk that makes my brain shut down as soon as I hear it. Whit begins to set Sara up for the event by telling her she met a woman who’s into spirituality etc… Sara assumes the woman is older and asks if she was “cougin” Whitney, which I’m assuming is the verb for when cougar hits on someone.
Best Overall Proposition:
"Do you want me to suck your dick and show you?”
Season one regular Rose stopped for a little dinner and down and dirty sex talk with Romi, who, in the season premiere, dipped her toes in the waters of revealing to her lesbian friends that she’s in love with her ex boyfriend Jay. As things go with Romi and Rose the conversation turns to sex, specifically blowjobs, and Rose has some questions. So, Romi asks the obvious –“Do you want me to suck your dick and show you?” If Rose took Romi up on her offer the RLW producers left it on the cutting room floor.
The Line Most Likely to Send the Non-Spiritually Enlightened Running for the Hills:
“Are you going to make your own vision board or are we making joint ones?” Whitney asks Sara. My how times have changes since Whit was whipping out the strap-on on-cam for Romi circa season one.
Most Obviously Indiscreet Sexy Times Moans:
You guessed it. It’s behind closed doors so it’s not for sure that Amanda and Brittenelle are screwing in the room next to Lauren, who’s pretty much forced to overhear, but that’s the implication.
Most Moment that Made My Grinch Heart Grow Two Sizes:
Atop the Wilshire Hotel with about 10 of their closest friends and a spiritual advisor present Whitney proposes to Sara, and it’s such a rare of what appears to be complete authenticity and raw emotion that it’s sure to crack the veneer of any hardened, heartless cynic like me. Congrats to Whitney and Sara on their engagement!
Tune in next week for more superlatives.