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12 Reasons Being Single and Queer Is Freaking Awesome

12 Reasons Being Single and Queer Is Freaking Awesome

12 Reasons Being Single and Queer Is Freaking Awesome

There are some distinct advantages to not being coupled up – here are a few of our favorites!

We often don’t talk much about being single and queer, and it can be quite difficult if it feels like you’re the only single one in your crowd. But there are also some distinct advantages to not being coupled up – here are a few of our favourites!
 
1.Doing whatever you want
This is probably at the heart of it. If you’re single, you can do whatever the fuck you want whenever the fuck you want to do it, whether it’s having a 3-hour-long bubble bath and going to bed at 8.30pm with a book or going out dancing all night on a school night. Nobody complains if you come in late, you can attend whichever events/parties/sewing groups/book clubs/political rallies/early morning tai chi sessions you want and leave at 9pm if it’s a bad party or 9am the next morning if it’s a really good one. Nobody will worry where you are and you won’t have to justify any decisions to anyone, whether it’s having takeout because it’s a bad day or keeping a mountainous floordrobe. 
 
2.Doing whoever you want
If you’re single, you can hook up with whoever you want, out of curiosity, lust, attraction, or a general spirit of joie de vivre. You don’t need to negotiate with anyone or navigate anyone’s insecurities or sternly remind yourself you’re monogamous so look but don’t touch – you can take home anyone you please, or not as the case may be. (Kissing your hot friends is waaaay underrated in popular culture.) The world is full of beautiful people, and if you’re single you can take full advantage in whatever way, uh, takes your fancy. 
 

 
3. Time with your friends
If you’re single, you can spend as much time as you like hanging out with friends. Often when people get into relationships it means having to awkwardly juggle relationship time and social obligations, which is pretty sad both for the person concerned and for the friends that suddenly don’t see you for weeks if not months at a time. If you’re single, you can just do all the cool stuff your friends do and go to all the parties or have regular wine-and-Netflix sessions. You can make NEW friends, and dedicate whole evenings to getting to know them without having to justify yourself for being late home from work.
 
4.Bed to yourself
You don’t have to share a bed (or a room, or anything else) if you’re not in a relationship! (Cases of 2) excepted, of course.) You can spread out, take up all of said bed, read until 4am, turn the lights out at 9 – whatever you fancy. If you’re not sharing sleepspace, you have all the freedom to do whatever you want. And nobody will wake you up leaving for work in the morning!
 

 
5.Being open to new things  
If you’ve only got yourself to consider, it’s much easier to be open to and to get involved in new things, whether that’s new activities, new friends, or the new ways of seeing the world that come with either. You don’t have to modify your sense of self to fit someone else’s impression of you or to fit around the relationship and its expectations or demands. And you can change plans much more easily to be spontaneous and do fun things if you don’t have to check in with someone else all the time to see what that does to their schedule. 
 
6. Freedom to make career/life decisions without having to factor someone else’s life in
You can make even major decisions with only your own happiness in mind! You can take a new job on the other side of the country or work abroad or go back to school or whatever next step is right for you on the basis of your own needs, without worrying about supporting someone or keeping close to their job. 
 

 
7)Decorating decisions
You can have your living space and furniture precisely how you want it, whether that’s knee-deep in old clothing or spotless with pastel tones. If you want old student posters of k.d. lang or a series of anatomical diagrams of mice on your walls, you can do that! If you’re tidy, your space will be tidy. If you don’t care, your space will reflect that. And nobody gets to tell you different!
 
8)No pressure to shave (or any other grooming ritual)
If you’re not getting naked with someone on a regular basis, there’s much less pressure to keep up with the numerous pointless grooming rituals that are socially equated with sexual appeal, even for queer women. If you want to shave your legs/muff/other bits you totally can, but you’ll be doing it because you want to, not because culture demands you do in order to feel properly femme/sexually attractive. Similarly, if you don’t feel like styling your hair, wearing makeup, wearing dapper accessories, that’s completely fine also. 
 

 
9)Progressing in life at your own pace
If you’re single, you can construct your world and your life around what’s right for you right now. There’ll be no pressure to settle down/move in/be more domesticated/go out more/organise things any particular way, you can just do your thing. You’re in total control of your finances and your career decisions, and there’ll be no pressure to earn more/be stable to maintain a partnership or a household. Or to compromise with someone else’s wanderlust if you’d quite like to find a place to settle now, actually.
 
10)No awful inlaws
Singleness means never having to deal with anyone else’s messed up families! You won’t have to deal with rudeness from grandparents who don’t get what queer is or sycophantic approaches from parents who want you to side with them and convince your partner to do what they want. No more arguing over whose family to spend holidays with! No more awkward family weddings where everyone stares at you silently or you have to make polite conversation with religious bigots! No more being unable to have sex for 3 days because your inlaws have really strange ideas about sleeping arrangements for unmarried couples! Families can be batshit, and this way you only have your own baggage to deal with. 
 

 
11)Household chores 
If you’re not living with anyone – or sometimes even if you’re living with non-partner roommates – you get more control over which household chores get done when. If you like everything spotless, you can keep it that way and nobody else will be around to mess it up (or they’re likely to be politely apologetic if they do). If you like things messy, nobody else will be stressed out by it and constantly asking you to tidy. You’ll only have your own laundry to deal with! The washing up is only your responsibility! Nobody expects you to clean up after them! It’s all good. 
 
 
12)The existential angst and joy of being independent
Lots of people tend to hide behind their relationships, psychologically speaking, making them our whole identity or reason for being. Therefore, there can be something frightening and/or amazing about realising that you have to find your own reasons for existing - and that feeling can stay with you when you enter a relationship, if you hold onto it. Being single means knowing yourself with nowhere to hide, and no one else to distort or influence who that person is. You really have to face yourself in the mirror, and work out how you can best live with who you are and what you have to make of yourself – and that’s an amazingly freeing and powerful thing. 
 
Many thanks to Si, Jennifer, Jen, Kat, Andromeda, Sal, CN, Maddie, Catherine, Jenny, Sally, Psyche and Kathryn for their myriad insights :)
 
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Sasha Garwood