10 Spots Sober Lesbians Can Meet The Women Of Their Dreams

Congratulations on your sobriety! Now that the hard part is over, it’s time for the other really hard part. Dating as a sober queer girl is rough. LGBT culture has long centered on bars as safe spaces, but when you (read: I) turn into a literal monster when you’re drunk, they don’t seem all that safe. Luckily, lesbians are everywhere. Here are 10 spots you’re more likely to meet your next girlfriend:

1) Go to a women’s basketball game.

So, I have a confession to make before we get into this. I know very little about women’s basketball, beyond my childhood obsession with Katie Smith, who hailed from my grandmother’s hometown of Logan, Ohio. One thing I do know from my sparse attendance at sporting events is that the audience at a women’s basketball game is approximately 76 percent lesbians (a fake but accurate statistic that I just made up). Yes, there is usually overpriced beer for sale at women’s basketball games, but they aren’t necessarily booze-centric events. Tickets are often (depressingly) cheap, so if you don’t happen lock eyes with the woman three seats down, and bribe your neighbors to switch seats so you can sit together, you’re only out a few bucks. Plus, you got to watch Amazonian women play basketball, which is definitely not a waste of an evening. 

2) Attend a bookstore reading.

Bookstore readings are an awesome way to meet single lesbians for two simple reasons: a) you already have something to talk about—your mutual interest in the author you came to hear, and b) you have time to talk before the reading starts, and while you’re waiting in line to get your book signed. Your chances of success increase tenfold if you attend an Alison Bechdel reading. 

3) Volunteer with a cause you care about.

Volunteer with a nonprofit in your city that provides housing to homeless transgender folks, help socialize kittens at the humane society, or start a community garden in a food desert. Doing something you’re passionate about is a great way to meet people who are passionate about the same thing. Even if it doesn’t lead to romance, you’re almost guaranteed to make a good friend. But hey, all those late nights and long weekends trying to make up for inadequate grant funding…you never know. 

4) Hit up the dog park.

Why are there always at least twenty adorable queer girls in every dog park at every given moment? I don’t know. It’s just one of the world’s great mysteries. You don’t need to know why. You just need to be one of them. If you don’t have a dog, recruit a friend’s dog for the task under the guise that you’re just selflessly doing your friend a favor. Everyone wins. 

5) Go to a roller derby match.

I don’t understand any of the rules of roller derby, but that does not lessen my enjoyment of the sport at all. Remember that made up statistic about lesbians making up 76 percent of a women’s basketball audience? I’d wager your odds are even better at a roller derby match, because finding a straight person at a roller derby match is like finding a needle in a gaystack. Again, if you’re avoiding booze, some events aren’t totally dry, but you won’t be the only sober person in the room.

6) Delve into online dating sites.

SheWired writer, Sasha Garwood, wrote about 10 reasons online dating rocks for lesbian and bisexual women. To add to her list, it’s an awesome way to meet other sober women. Sites like OkCupid, PinkCupid, and SheWired Personals allow you to mention your sobriety upfront.

7) Check out Meetup.com and Facebook groups.

Finding a queer women’s book club, an uncompetitive softball team, a lesbian hiking group, or a bi-girl knitting circle is a lot easier than it used to be. Exploring your hobbies in a group setting is a great way to meet the woman of your dreams.

8) Suffer through a coffee shop open mic night.

Are you going to enjoy the music/stand up comedy routine/slam poetry/choreographed dance number that takes place at your local coffee shop? No. Okay, maybe there will be one person on stage that does something vaguely interesting, but probably not. Go anyway. The woman wearing Dickies whose coffee comes out of her nose when she laughs at the roughest poem of the night could be your next girlfriend.

9) Gallery hop.

Local art galleries often host free events in the evenings. Skip the free wine and make a beeline toward the deviled eggs and bacon wrapped mushrooms. Then, look for women with asymmetrical hair who are equally interested in your favorite pieces, or trying to suppress a giggle in a room full of bad coffee shop art. 

10) Check out local festivals.

If you’re near an urban center, check out festivals in your area. Queer film festivals, literary festivals, and even festivals entirely dedicated entirely to cheese can be a great place to meet single women without ever setting foot in a bar.