Less than a month ago, I wrote about homonormativity. The piece blew up on social media, but comments, as per usual, were extraordinarily negative. People denounced the topic as a whole, dominantly claiming it doesn't exist, it's racist against white, cis-male gays, or that I'm a complete waste of time and space (only exaggerating a little). The reality is, however, that no matter how angry homonormativity makes people it is — and will remain — real.
The queer community is not equal in terms of liberty, representation, and opportunity. No community is. There are always hierarchies and there is always a high group and a low group. We're not the only ones, so really, there's no need to get all bothered about it. Let's just break it down for a minute.
Saying that white, cis-male gays have privilege in the larger queer community does not mean:
1) All white, cis-male gays are bad.
2) White, cis-male gays are free of oppression and marginalization.
3) That all POC queer people are inclusive and privilege-free.
Yet any critiques of homonormativity are still blasted by those it hopes to reach. Fighting homonormativity is something the whole community is responsible for. However, the aforementioned white, cis-male gays often have more social and systematic power to fight than their queer, POC counterparts.
Are there better ways to talk about homonormativity? Definitely. Do I know everything there is to know about homonormativity and the queer community? Absolutely not. Talking about homonormativity is admittedly difficult because there are few, if any, trailblazers leading the way in an intersectional fashion.
Homonormativity, in its original scholarly text, is not accessible to everyone. This is not a read about how smart or not smart people are. To expect a middle school child — who can't advocate for themselves because they don't know homonormativity is a thing — to be able to comprehend these scholarly texts is ludicrous. We need to give people of all groups and ages the tools to fight this insidious oppression.
Due to the lack of leaders explicitly talking about homonormativity, those of us speaking up often have to rely completely on our own means to talk about a topic that is much bigger than any one person or sub-group in the queer community. I'm not asking for sympathy or pity because I'm grown enough to know my worth. What I am asking for is dialogue. That we ask instead of accuse. That we talk instead of fight. And that we think before we comment.
Homonormativity is real. It's painful to accept. It makes those of us in places of privilege feel guilty. You can't smile as easily as you used to because you see the suffering you used to look away from. Embrace the pain, open your mind, and try to understand that feelings are not facts.
