Adventure Time has secret wisdom for those wanting to venture into...THE QUEER SCENE.

1. The intimidatingly capable high femme

How does she get all that shit done and still have the best hair out of anyone else here?

2. The one who is always covered in Pride gear 

You can never have too many rainbows, I - I guess...?

3. The one who is totally obsessed with their ex

Seriously? Still? Call me when you don't literally have her picture as your phone background. 

7. The one in the band 

She's just so brooding. <3 But careful, if it goes south she might write a song about you..

8. The wise battle-scarred elder

You just know she's got some great stories from back in the day. And sex tips!

9. The one who tries to buy your love with baking

I like you, and I LOVE these brownies... but, um, I'm kinda busy this week?

10. The one with whom you have seriously explosive chemistry

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But you just know you're gonna get burned.

And finally...

11. The one who you must NEVER GO NEAR, i.e. your ex.

THERE IS ONLY DARKNESS FOR YOU.

I blame Helzebub and the Other One entirely for this article. Much love guys. 

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