For some reason, the bisexual identity is still really hard for a lot of people in both the LGBTQ+ and straight communities to grasp. There are all kinds of stereotypes about bisexual people being "greedy" or "confused." Once welcoming communities can suddenly feel like you’re not queer enough to participate when you date someone of a different gender. Plus, the burden of proof always seems to fall on bi and queer people. We're starting to see some pushback in media, whether it's created by Twitter users under the #BiCommunity tag, or when characters like Piper Kerman on Orange Is the New Black speak up when other characters try to label her as straight or gay. It's great to see more visibility, but there are still a lot of misconceptions. 

These five things that don’t make you less bi or queer should be common sense, but sometimes it’s nice to remind ourselves that we know who we are and don’t need to prove anything.

1) You’ve only dated people of one gender

You don’t need to check boxes on a list before you join the bisexual club. You know yourself best, and you know who you’re attracted to. If you’re attracted to two or more genders—guess what!—you’re already welcome at the cool kids' table.  

2) You usually date people of one gender

If you mostly date people of a different gender or mostly date people of the same gender, you’re not automatically straight or gay. You might just find yourself more attracted to people of a certain gender. Some people like to think of their sexual orientation on a scale, and some people don’t. There’s really no wrong way to do this.

3) You used to describe your sexual orientation with another label

If you used to describe yourself as gay, straight, or a lesbian, but you later decide to come out as bi or queer, that’s also totally fine. One of the many gross stereotypes about bi people is that they’re "confused," but frankly, sexuality can be confusing. Sometimes it takes a few years of self-reflection and experience to figure out how you want to describe yourself.

4) You’re not out to everyone in your life

Often when you’re in a relationship that looks "straight" to the rest of the world, people just assume you must be straight. If you feel comfortable proudly proclaiming your bisexuality or queerness, good for you! But you don’t have to come out to everyone to prove your identity is real. Sometimes your straight-laced boss or conservative grandma just doesn’t need to know everything about your life.

5) You’re in a monogamous, long-term relationship

Bisexual people don’t become straight or gay based on the gender of the person they're in a relationship with. Being in a monogamous relationship doesn’t flip an attraction switch and make people automatically stop noticing or thinking about anyone but their partner (except maybe in the honeymoon phase). You can marry one person, stay together until you have blue hair and false teeth, and still be bi or queer.