Kevin Spacey’s decision to come out as gay in response to sexual assault accusations made against him in 2017 will go down as one of the worst – and strangest – moments in the history of celebrities coming out. However, that hasn’t stopped him from attempting to justify the choice recently during a trial in the UK.

The disgraced actor is currently standing trial for 12 counts of sexual assault against four different men, accusations that followed the one made by fellow actor Anthony Rapp six years ago, and which led to Spacey admitting he’s gay.

“This story has encouraged me to address other things about my life,” Spacey wrote at the time, after denying Rapp’s claims that he assaulted him at a party when he was 14. “As those closest to me know, in my life I have had relationships with both men and women. I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man.”

His statement was largely read as an attempt to deflect from the accusations, but it failed to do so. More men came forward, alleging a spectrum of inappropriate sexual behavior from Spacey, adding up to over 30 individual accusers so far. GLAAD also denounced his response, stating bluntly that “coming out stories should not be used to deflect from allegations of sexual assault.”

According to Variety, Spacey told the Southwark Crown Court this week that he understands why people interpreted his coming out as a deflection, but insists it “wasn’t how I intended it.”

“I was under a lot of pressure that I had to say something. That it would be a PR nightmare if I didn’t,” he said, also claiming that “the gay community had been pressuring me for a very long time about coming out” and that he thought doing so would “do something at least positive [and] put the question of my sexuality behind me.”

Rapp eventually sued Spacey for sexual battery, but a jury found that he did not prove his case against the actor. Spacey has also pled not guilty in his current trial.