Before anything else, if you’re after great sex you need to figure out what ‘the best sex of your life’ might be for you. It’s not about experience so much as self-knowledge, for all that experience might fill in some pieces of the puzzle – it’s perfectly possible to be a virgin and still know that for you ‘the best sex’ will be loving and tender, or borderline violent, or slow and sensual, or passionate and intense, or kinky. Don’t be surprised if what ‘the best sex’ is for you changes over time – everyone’s sexuality evolves, after all, and it’s certainly the case for me that the incredible, intimate, awesome sex I have now would have mildly terrified me 15 years ago. This is not to say that experimentation isn’t good – it is, and it can open your, uh, eyes to hitherto undreamt of possibilities – but as with anything, it always helps to have some idea of what you’re after and where you’re coming from before you start. If you genuinely haven’t a clue, start really small. Do you like feeling vulnerable, or in control? Do you have any recurring images in your mind or any fantasies you might like to try out? Do you like feeling held down, or gently caressed, or teased? Work with what you’ve got, and see where it goes!
1) Find the right partner
By ‘the right partner’ I do NOT mean Ms or Mx Right, or The One, or any of that mainstream-romance-narrative bollocks. I mean somebody who accepts you for who you are, is going to take joy and pleasure in your desires as well as their own, and whom you can trust. It can be a close friend, or the love of your life, or somebody you just met at a party but with whom you have instant chemistry, or a lover you’ve had on and off for years. The important thing is the bond between you and that you feel safe.