Let's get this recap All Star-ted! 

RuPaul's Drag RaceAll Stars is back for another gag-worthy season, and this batch of superstars is all set to give us the best season yet. Farrah Moan, Jasmine Masters, Latrice Royale, Manila Luzon, Monét X Change, Monique Heart, Naomi Smalls, Trinity "The Tuck" Taylor, and Valentina are here to make All Stars great again. 

First things first, let's rank those entrances:

9. Monét X Change

While her studded leotard and upgraded pussycat wig are beautiful, it's all a bit...underwhelming. As a Monet stan, I actually prefer her season 10 entrance look. This is All Stars and, as Monique Heart said, "It's not stunning."

8. Farrah Moan

Emphasis on moan. Farrah certainly looks STUNNING but (and it’s a small butt) are the shinier clothes and new wigs enough of an upgrade for this All Star-studded cast? Time will tell...

7. Naomi Smalls

"You can’t spell legendary without legs." Technically true, but while Naomi is more polished than ever, she’s going to need more than her longest two limbs to snatch the crown.

6. Gia Gunn

This fresh tilapia is now seasoned, and we’re ready to eat! Gia Gunn is back in the workroom, and while it’s not clear if she’s dressed as a thorny rose or the second coming of Jesus (God is indeed a woman, btw), she looks STUN and is ready to shake the table. As the first trans woman to compete on the show since RuPaul’s upsetting comments back in March, Gia explaining how drag opened up her identity is beyond inspiring. And she's ready to throw shade from the second she walked into the workroom ("I saw you on Botched" made me cackle.)

5. Trinity the Tuck

The body is here! The plastic zip ties are kind of ugly (if we’re being honest), but if we’ve learned anything from season 9, ugly chic is Trinity's brand! That body bag bit is exactly the kind of humor we love from Ms. Tuck.

4. Valentina

Makeup? Check! Eyebrows? check! Self-awareness? Check! Homage to Alyssa Edwards’ iconic camera dress? Check! Valentina, excuse me, Villiantina has arrived, and my non-existent gag reflex is ready!!

3. Jasmine Masters

She deserves the crown for just for saying "junkie whores" on national television. We’ve decided to stan forever! Now take those hands out of your pockets, girl!

2. Monique Heart

One word, America! Stunning. You can’t deny Ms. Heart’s charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent as she sashays first into the workroom in an assless, rose-petaled body suit. Like a phoenix from the ashes, we’re so hyped to have her back in the workroom and sharing the brown cow gospel.

1. Latrilla

These legends did not disappoint! Latrice Royale and Manila Luzon entered the workroom still handcuffed together from All Stars 1, Manila still in the same big bird costume with the lone mascara tear running down her cheek. It truly is the gag of the season.

Now that we’ve breezed through the entrances, can we talk about the new pit crew member for a second?!

RuPaul breaks down the All Star rules and brings in the Pit Crew to introduce the reading challenge and EXCUSE ME who is that new hunk of a man?! If anyone knows his name and/or Instagram @, please DM me. I’m not joking. Oh, at all.

And just like that, the library is now open! Here are our favorite 5 reads, ranked!

5. "Gia Gunn...I guess you can buy a gun at Walmart." - Trinity the Tuck

4. "Manila Luzon, emphasis on lose. Twice." - Monét X Change

3. Farrah begins with, "When is the second nose job planned? I think you can still cut a little bit more off."

Trinity replies, "You should tell that to your ass." The Tuck, everyone!

2. "Latrice Royale, you are my sister, bitch, but I liked you better when you was my bodyguard." - Jasmine Masters

1. "Valentina! Take that thing off your face. Oh, it is your face. Your other one." - Latrice Royale

Shoutout to Gia for just being absolutely savage. Latrice Royale wins the mini-challenge, just like she did on Season 4, because it’s what she deserves. Ru announces the main challenge: an All Star Spangled Talent Show for an audience of LGBTQ military veterans. Considering Trump’s ongoing fight to keep transgender troops from serving in the military, Drag Race loving on them brings a smile to my soul.

The next day in the workroom, the joy in the room is palpable. All the girls are getting along and it’s nice to see the smiles and jokes before the eliminations begin. Monét does a nice bit of foreshadowing when she says that tripping on stage is the kiss of death for someone’s drag career. The funniest pre-challenge shade goes to Jasmine Masters after Gia tells Trinity that tucking isn’t a talent. The queens go back and forth for a tense couple of seconds and Farrah uncomfortably chimes in, "This got really real, really quick."

Jasmine adds, "Baby, over some balls being pushed up?"

I HOLLEREDt.

The talent show begins. Jenifer Lewis is the guest judge (and this is me formally asking her to adopt me).

Monique starts off the show and is serving with her hilarious new song (Buy "Brown Cow Stunning" on iTunes)  and looks so fierce. Naomi teaches us how to pose over a trap beat then gives us a hilarious wig reveal. Trinity’s tucking song goes over really well considering it wasn’t really funny until the last ten seconds. Manilla’s painting gag actually really tickled me. Latrice took us back to high school color guard. Valentina knew the words to her song, surprising everyone with her beauty and moves except Gia Gunn, whose Kabuki theater gave Jasmine Masters so much life. Monét dropped her "Soak It Up" song after Season 10, so her live performance and sponge dress reveal is more than tired at this point (a very disappointing first episode from our reigning Miss Congeniality). Shout out to Gia for "Soak what up, maybe some of the sweat on that forehead."

I hate to be that girl, but I’m blaming the edit for how poorly Jasmine Master’s bit was received. There’s no way she only told one joke, BUT the joke she did tell made me almost fall over laughing. Did that audience really remain stonefaced through a bit about not brushing your teeth after eating ass? I call shade on behalf of the RPDR producers.

The most heartbreaking moment of the episode? Farrah's fall. After she climbs out of the highlighter compact and rips off two reveals, she slips on the dress she cast aside earlier. It's uncomfortable to watch and you can't help but feel for Ms. Moan as she struggles to recoup and finish the performance. 

Although Gia gave us one of the most original Drag Race performances we've ever seen (the TALENT that has!), Monique Heart and Trinity the Tuck are the top two All Stars of the week, and I mean yeah, sure. Jasmine Masters and Farrah Moan land in the bottom. Monique and Trinity get to lip sync for their legacies and if they win, they eliminate one of the bottom two queens. During the deliberations, Farrah Moan cries a lot and everyone’s annoyed. But she does let everyone know that even though she fell flat, she has so much to prove and the fire to keep going. Jasmine, on the other hand, leaves it up to the other queens to decide her fate and fails to show them her desire to stay.

In preparation for the lipsync, Trinity puts on a gown for some reason and grabs her lipstick for the queen she’s chosen to eliminate if she wins, as does Monique. The song is "Emotions" by Mariah Carey.

If Monique's wig hadn’t fallen off and she hadn't thrown it up into the heavens, she probably would’ve won this lipsync. She knows the words, there are no uncomfortable cartwheels, and she kills it. The crotch grabbing to Mariah’s stratospheric whistle notes get the biggest laughs from the judges. Trinity’s gown restricts her movement so her whole performance is lacking her usual charm, but she’s perfectly adequate.

Trinity wins the lipsync because Monique can’t keep her wig on. "I think you should invest in some duct tape," RuPaul tells her.

And whose name is on that lipstick? JUSH. SHE DOESN’T DESERVE.

But it’s fine. She’ll most certainly be back….

All in all, a great premiere to a promising All Stars season! Gia Gunn is bringing the drama and while many don't enjoy the shady queen's pointed comments, she is the self-aware villain we have been waiting for. And although she didn’t win the lipsync, Monique Hearts leads the episode’s best moments with her usual hilarious confessionals - and all those damn Beyoncé references. Three by my count:

"When Beyoncé walks into the room, you know she's there. I know I'm that girl."
"Bitch, Beyoncé rehearses."
" Beyonce! We saw the video. Ring the alarm. She fell down them stairs. You get up, you hold it. It’s not you fell, it’s how you fell."

Yes, I will be keeping track of them throughout the season. NOW WHO'S READY FOR EPISODE TWO?!!

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