All 97 of The L Word Sex Scenes Ranked!
All 97 of The L Word Sex Scenes Ranked!
For your pleasure -- all of The L Word's sex scenes ranked. It was hard work, but somebody had to do it.
This January marked the 10th anniversary of The L Word’s history-making premiere on Showtime. At that time we got the idea to honor the series with a few different pieces including an anniversary version of The L Word Cast: Where Are They Now? And an op-ed about why the show, in all of its glory and with all of its often-ridiculous storylines, remains an important benchmark in lesbian representation on television. We also got the brilliant notion – at least it seemed like at the time – to rank all of The L Word’s sex scenes. For one thing, never before had lesbian sex been so unabashedly depicted on the small screen, so there’s some actual value in our decision to painstakingly chronicle all of the scenes. But mostly, we just thought it would be fun to relive all of the series’ sexy times – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And while we maintain that it was fun to revisit them, it has pretty much taken us since January to execute our definitive – not really, but it sounds good - ranking of “All 97 of The L Word Sex Scenes!” Since L Word cast members Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig, and Laurel Holloman are reuniting at Club Skirt Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs next week, we thought this would be a fitting time to finally post this important project.
We have a few notes before we dive into the rankings. First, we included only those sex scenes that involved at least one major character. We attempted, by and large, to include actual sex scenes, so you won’t see your favorite heavy petting, make-out, or foreplay scenes listed. Although, in cases where it was tough to tell just how far things had gotten in the actual world of the scene, we just included it. When it comes to sex scenes, more is more.
Regarding the rankings – it’s completely arbitrary. One person’s interpretation of what constitutes good sex differs vastly from another, which is why bad sex between two people exists in the world. Essentially, we ranked the ones we found the least sexy, pointless, creepy, sad, odd, or boring toward the lower end of the spectrum. Those that got the most bang for the buck ended up toward the top.
Finally, we fully concede to the L Word aficionados of the world that we may have missed a scene. Watching sex scenes for hours on end is hard, and there could have been a glitch in our process. Perhaps we were distracted by all of the nudity. If we missed or forgot your favorite scene we offer a collective mea culpa.
Now, on to the rankings! And please feel free to comment and share your favorite scenes with us!
Ep. 1.1 - Pilot - Bette Goes Down on Tina in the Doctor's Office to Help with Insemination.
Turn On: It's the first time we see the legend, the Flashdancer Jennifer Beals, in this sort of position.
Turn Off: In the doctor's office, Tina's in the stirrups, it's clinical, and Bette is just plain uptight in the pilot.
Ep. 2.1 Life, Loss, Leaving - Tim's leaving LA and he and Jenny go for it one last icky time.
Turn On: Nothing. This is just sad.
Turn Off: No. Just no. It's over. Go away.
Ep. 4.8 Lexington and Concord - Kit and Papi sad drunk sex.
Turn On: The possibility of Kit trying out the ladies? That's such a stretch.
Turn Off: Kit falling off the wagon and having passed-out lesbian sex.
Ep. 1.9 Luck Next Time - Jenny and Tim have bonus night sex after they've broken up.
Turn On: There isn't much we can say. It's pretty grim.
Turn Off: No one is rooting for this couple to make it like we would for Bette and Tina.
Ep. 2.5 Labyrinth - Roomie Mark shoots a Creepy hidden cam video of Shane's one-night stand.
Turn On: Voyeurism can be sexy but this is just, well, illegal.
Turn Off: Everything.
Ep. 2.6 Lagrimos De Oro - Mark's Creepy cam of Shane with the fake UPS girl. This and the one above are basically a package.
Turn On: We're pairing this with the sex scene above as there's nothing sexy about it, except that the actress playing the fake UPS girl is cute.
Turn Off: Just when we thought Mark could not get any more disgusting he hires a girl to seduce Shane.
Ep. 4.11 Literary License to Kill - Papi wears out her jaw going down on Kit who's just not into it.
Turn On: Kit's willingness to give it the old college try while sober.
Turn Off: The fact that she's not the least bit into it.
Ep. 6.3 LMFAO - Shane and Jenny's morning sex after their first night together
Turn On: It's mercifully short.
Turn Off: Nobody wants to see Shane and Jenny together. It's just wrong. Stop.
Ep. 6.1 Long Night's Journey Into Day - Jenny hate-fucks Nikki after she cheats with Shane at Lez Girls' premiere party.
Turn On: Jenny pulls off an initital sincerity in this scene, making Nikki believe she's forgiven, which is the scariest part.
Turn Off: Our skin crawls throughout the scene wondering when Jenny is going to let loose and skewer Nikki. We just have to say it -- none of the scenes from the entire cynical 6th season do not rank among the best.
Ep. 3.1 Labia Majora - Lara finds a lump on Dana's breast.
Turn On: Dana and Lara are so adorable and sexy together.
Turn Off: She says the words to Dana that nobody wants to hear.
Ep. 1.8 L'Ennui - Alice demands a real penis from her lesbian-identified boyfriend Lisa who prefers to strap it on.
Turn On: It's Leisha Hailey's first L Word sex scene!
Turn Off: Neither wants what the other wants and it's just plain bad sex. What a waste for Alice's first time on screen.
Ep. 2.7 Luminous - Helena's kids interrupt morning sex with Tina.
Turn On: Morning sex with Helena.
Turn Off: Getting caught in the act by Helena's kids.
Ep. 1.10 Liberally - Dana and Jenny's horribly awkward attempt to bone.
Turn On: Dana sex scenes are fairly rare, so it's fun to see her trying to get over Lara, and this one gets points for good comedy.
Turn Off: No one is rooting for Dana and Jenny get together when Alice is out there somewhere. Plus, it's funny, but so painfully awkward --kind of like an episode of The Comeback.
Ep. 1.4 Lies, Lies, Lies - Jenny lures Tim away from his favorite sporting event by offering guilt sex because she can't stop getting with Marina.
Turn On: Not so much except that it's hot, sweaty, and fairly graphic.
Turn Off: Jenny is clearly struggling with the feelings she has for Marina and what that means in the bigger picture, and we start to feel kind of bad for cuckolded Tim. Poor guy can't even watch sports with Jenny around.
Ep. 1.11 Looking Back - Crazy publicist Tonya nails Dana, the object of her affection, at the Dinah.
Turn On: They look good together.
Turn Off: No one is rooting for Tonya. By this time we all want Dana to be with Lara, or with her best friend Alice.
Ep. 2.7 Luminous Helena's ex Winnie interrupts afternoon balcony sex when she turns up to find the kids inside playng with the nanny. Melissa Leo as Winnie wins this scene!
Turn On: Helena sure is horny for Tina, and it looks like fun until Winnie arrives.
Turn Off: While not quite as awkward as being interrupted by her kids, it's a big turn off for Helena's ex Winnie to put an end to this little mid-day patio session.
Ep. 5.12 Loyal and True - Shane goes down on Nikki on the balustrade of Yamashiro.
Turn On: Yes, this is hot on its face, but you know it's going to be a shitshow.
Turn Off: Almost everything. It's just so irresponsible, and it will change Shane and Jenny's relationship forever. It's all pretty sad since Jenny truly loves Shane.
Ep 1.13 Limb from Limb - Bette pays for a hotel room to full-on cheat with Candace.
Turn On: It's fun to see Bette on the bottom.
Turn Off: Bette and Tina are each other's lobsters. This pairing is just wrong.
Ep 1.13 Limb from Limb - Bette cheats for the second time this episode with Candace. (Packaged with the scene above)
Turn On: Sex at work when your colleagues are just outside the door is a turn-on.
Turn Off: We just know this affair will end with Bette getting caught.
Ep. 4.11 Literary License to Kill - Max's assistant goes down on him.
Turn On: This girl seems to really get Max.
Turn Off: She's kind of a forgettable character in general. We can't even find or remember her name. Sorry.
Ep. 3.5 Lifeline Dana and Lara grieving over Dana's breast cancer diagnosis.
Turn On: It's emotionally powerful.
Turn Off: Nobody wants Dana to have to go through this.
Ep. 3.6 Lifesize Jenny catches Billy blowing Max at The Planet.
Turn On: There's something about Alan Cumming going down on Daniela Sea that has a certain appeal.
Turn Off: Jenny seems genuinely hurt, but we suppose that in the karmic world of The L Word, she had it coming.
Ep. 5.7 Lesbians Gone Wild! Bette's guilty conscience from cheating on Jodi with Tina gets the best of her while trying to have sex with Jodi.
Turn On: Jennifer Beals' arms in this shot.
Turn Off: We can't help but feel awful for Jodi.
Ep. 6.5 Litmus Test - Helena and Dylan reunion / make-up sex.
Turn On: Dylan seems to have repented since attempting to extort Helena a few seasons back, and they're very passionate.
Turn Off: Now it's Helena's turn to be deceptive after putting unwitting Dylan through a test of her sincerity sending Nikki in to try to expose her. It's all so confusing, and ultimately a turn-off.
Ep. 3.9 Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way - Tina goes at it with Henry, the dad she met online.
Turn On: Tina gets her rocks off up against a wall.
Turn Off: Now she's cheating on Bette. Plus, no one wants to see the guy who played Mark on Friends get with Bette Porter's girl.
Ep. 1.3 - Longing - Jenny shows up at The Planet to beg Marina to leave her alone. Naturally, they have sex.
Turn On: This is where Jenny delivers her "Every time I look at you I feel so completely dismantled" speech.
Turn Off: This is where Jenny delivers her "Every time I look at you I feel so completely dismantled" speech.
Ep 1.13 Limb from Limb - Jenny dates Robin and Gene and they get a montage sex scene of Jenny and Robin intercut with Jenny and Gene.
Turn On: Anne Ramsay (Robin) is super sexy.
Turn Off: We really want to see more of Robin.
Ep. 6.7 Last Couple Standing Shane and Nikki hook up during the dance-off while Jenny is in the other room.
Turn On: Closet sex in a public space is sexy in and of itself.
Turn Off: This is just a mess. Shane's gets with Jenny because she feels guilty about going down on Nikki at Yamashiro when Nikki was with Jenny, so now Nikki and Shane hook up. We can't.
Ep. 1.1 - Pilot - Jenny and Tim have reunion sex.
Turn On: Mia Kirshner's cute. We had no idea how loopy Jenny would get, and Eric Mabius could be worse to look at.
Turn Off: We'd rather see Bette and Tina doing it.
Ep. 1.1 - Pilot Jenny fantasizes about women during sex with Tim after spying on Shane have sex with a woman in Bette & Tina's pool. (Packaged with scene above)
Turn On: Jenny's turned on by thinking and talking about lesbian sex.
Turn Off: We'd still rather see Bette and Tina doing it.
Ep. 4.10 Little Boy Blue - Helena blows her wad (both kinds) at the race track with Catherine.
Turn On: Helena's complete loss of control.
Turn Off: Catherine is so freaking shady.
Ep. 2.9 Late, Later, Latent - Jenny and Carmen's toilet sex while Mark's outside about to wet himself because he needs the toilet.
Turn On: This is just so raw, and it feels so wrong and naughty that it's a total turn on.
Turn Off: No one is really rooting for this Jenny and Carmen pairing. It's all about Shane and Carmen!
Ep. 1.5 Lawfully - Marina goes down on Jenny at Tim's house after reading some of her work.
Turn On: The heady literary convo that precedes the cunnilingus.
Turn Off: Tim catches them in the act and he's rightfully hurt.
Ep 5.1 LGB Tease - Shane screws things up with Paige when she bangs the realtor on the floor of what is supposed to be their new apartment.
Turn On: A one-day stand in an empty apartment.
Turn Off: Shane is just plain stupid sometimes.
Ep. 5.3 Lady of the Lake - Tina takes home a nice cardiologist.
Turn On: Tina rediscovers her attractability with a hot cardiologist after leaving Henry.
Turn Off: The clinical conversation about breast implants in the middle of hot action is a bit of a buzzkill.
Ep. 3.7 Lone Star - Carmen goes down on Shane and Shane STOPS her.
Turn On: Shane on the bottom.
Turn Off: She stops Carmen! Talk about collective, metaphorical blue balls for the viewing public.
Ep. 3.7 Lone Star Max bangs Billy on The Planet bar.
Turn On: Max begins to explore what he's into.
Turn Off: General health code violations. Someone had better sanitize that bar stool.
Ep. 6.2 Least Likely - Alice and Tasha get it on in the car after seeing therapist Dan Foxworthy.
Turn On: Car sex in your therapist's building's parking garage.
Turn Off: They still have Dan Foxworthy, who doesn't exactly inspire with horny.
Ep. 3.2 Lost Weekend Jenny blows Max during their cross-country drive.
Turn On: Car sex while driving across America's heartland.
Turn Off: They run out of gas forcing Max to put the kibosh on the moment.
Ep. 1.8 L'Ennui Marina and Jenny play house before Marina's long-time lover Francesca arrives home.
Turn On: Post-Tim, it's the first time Jenny isn't cheating, and she seems genuinely in love with Marina.
Turn Off: Marina's not to be trusted - EVER.
Ep. 1.12 Locked Up - Bette and Candace's mutual masturbation prison sex.
Turn On: The thought of a Jennifer Beals' Caged episode, coupled with unfulfilled desire.
Turn Off: Bette begins her cheating ways.
Ep. 3.6 Lifesize - Helena and Dylan's first time.
Turn On: A Helena sex scene!
Turn Off: Dylan just seems like she's up to no good from the start.
Ep. 3.12 Left Hand of the Goddess - Jenny hooks up with Claude at Whistler.
Turn On: Claude's French accent, plus, champagne in bed.
Turn Off: This is just eh. The're nothing really great or bad about it.
Ep. 5.5 Lookin' at You, Kid - Shane hooks up with Lover Cindy sans Dawn Denbo and incurs Denbo's wrath!
Turn On: Lover Cindy's unabashed nudity around the house in broad daylight.
Turn Off: Dawn Denbo is going to RUIN Shane if she finds out.
Ep. 4.1 Legend in the Making - Jenny Brings Claude home from Whistler and they have impromptu sex in front of the fridge.
Turn On: Sex on the kitchen floor while wrapped in a sheet.
Turn Off: Bad for germaphobes. Let's just hope Jenny keeps a clean kitchen floor.
Ep. 5.2 Look Out, Here They Come - Shane does hair and the bride's sister #1
Turn On: Who doesn't love a bridesmaid getting a little action from a hot lesbian hair stylist right before she walks down the aisle?
Turn Off: Shane is on a slippery slope of sex addiction ever after we're pretty sure it was Paige who burned down her shop Wax.
Ep. 5.2 Look Out, Here They Come - Shane does the bride's sister, who cries. (Packaged with the scene above and below)
Turn On: Shane going through the bridal party.
Turn Off: Shane's hook-up cries. That can be good, but not in this case.
Ep. 5.2 Look Out, Here They Come - Shane does the mother of the bride and gets caught! (Packaged with the two scenes above)
Turn On: If hooking up with two of the bride's sisters isn't some sort of badge of honor then landing the matriarch must surely be.
Turn Off: Well, having all three hook-ups put it together that they weren't the single apple of Shane's eye, followed by being run off the premises, puts a little damper on the festivities.
Ep 1.13 Limb from Limb - Bette and Tina's scary break-up sex after Tina realizes Bette's been hooking up with Candace.
Turn On: It may be the most emotionally weighted sex scene of the entire series.
Turn Off: It's violent and scary. A lot of viewers really hated this scene while others found it titillating.
Ep. 3.10 Losing the Light - Shane and Carmen make up after Shane admits to going at it with Sherri Jaffe poolside.
Turn On: It's a tender Shane and Carmen love scene.
Turn Off: We're getting Shane and Carmen yo-yo syndrome fatigue.
Ep. 6.2 Least Likely - Tina pretty much jumps Bette after Bette reunites with college crush played by Elizabeth Berkeley.
Turn On: There's nothing like the reappearance of an old crush to help amp up the sexy times.
Turn Off: Wondering if Bette really will stay faithful to Tina this time.
Ep. 6.6 Lactose Intolerant - Alice and Tasha bone on the couch while their third-wheel crush in in the shower.
Turn On: The idea that their crush Jamie might walk in and join in on the action.
Turn Off: We're not sure how much Alice or Tasha actually does want Jamie. Maybe too much?
Ep. 4.12 Long Time Coming - Shane and Paige play dress-up in a suburban sex fantasy.
Turn On: Kate Moennig and Kristanna Loken have amazing chemistry.
Turn Off: Playing house is just a fantasy that Shane is destined to f*ck up.
Ep. 6.8 Last Word - Bette and Tina's final time of the series.
Turn On: They're perfect together. It's just a fact at this point.
Turn Off: It's the last time.
Ep. 3.5 Lifeline - Shane cheats on Carmen, straps it on for Sherri Jaffe poolside.
Turn On: It's super raw and down and dirty.
Turn Off: Despite the hot factor, Shane's kind of dumb to risk losing Carmen.
Ep. 1.1 Pilot Shane's first sex scene in Bette and Tina's pool in broad daylight with some random woman while Jenny watches through the fence.
Turn On: Uh, it's Shane naked in a pool with a hot woman.
Turn Off: Jenny watching is a tad creepy, but not as much as you might think.
Ep. 3.1 Labia Majora - Jenny picks up Moira/Max and they screw in Jenny's childhoom bedroom.
Turn On: Jenny seems mentally healthy after her psych episode at the end of season 2, and Max is cute.
Turn Off: Jenny's parents walk in, which sends Jenny packing.
Ep. 2.4 Lynch Pin - Bette's NYC hook-up after Tina kicks her to the curb.
Turn On: Bette's one-night stand is super sexy, and it's definitely hot to see Bette have semi-anonymous sex.
Turn Off: She's clearly trying to work through missing Tina.
Ep. 2.13 Lacuna Shane and Carmen get-back-together sex after the Carmen and Jenny pairing.
Turn On: Shane and Carmen together are just too freaking good.
Turn Off: Not much - but we'd love some better lighting.
Ep. 2.10 Land Ahoy - Alice and Dana play The Love Boat's Captain Stubing and Julie the cruise director.
Turn On: Role play! And Dana wearing a strap-on all throughout dinner and a Shawn Colvin concert.
Turn Off: A seasick Dana hurls.
Ep. 3.8 Late Comer Helena and Dylan's beach house romp.
Turn On: This sunset session smacks of classic, wispy Claire of the Moon sex.
Turn Off: We don't know how to feel since it's becoming increasingly more difficult to know if Dylan is trouble or not.
Ep. 5.4 Let's Get This Party Started - Shane has a three-way at She-Bar with Dawn Denbo and her lover Cindy!
Turn On: It's one of the few group scenarios ever on The L Word, and they're all fun to look at!
Turn Off: Dawn Denbo is batshit and this will come back to haunt Shane.
Ep. 4.2 Livin' La Vida Loca - Alice finds out just how good Papi is in the back of a limo!
Turn On: "Circles, circles are good."
Turn Off: Not enough circles? We're just glad Alice is moving on after all the grief of losing Dana.
Ep. 5.2 Look Out, Here They Come - Helena falls for her cellmate Dusty.
Turn On: Helena deserves some good old prison romance after that bitch of a grifter Catherine helped put her there.
Turn Off: Basically the lighting. Can't they turn the lights up for prison sex?
Ep. 3.5 Lifeline - Alice has mind-blowing rebound sex with a vampire?
Turn On: Alice needs to get laid at this point and her vampire speed-dating friend is the right person for the job.
Turn Off: There is that whole will she or won't she drain the lifeblood out of me aspect, which, we suppose, makes it a turn on. You decide.
Ep. 2.3 Loneliest Number - Carmen's in the driver's seat with Shane.
Turn On: Carmen won't let Shane make the moves, which just turns the show's lothario -- and us -- on even more.
Turn Off: Can't think of much except that Shane keeps her shirt on way too long.
Ep. 2.11 Loud and Proud - Alice and Dana play master and maid.
Turn On: More role play with Dana taking on the dude role.
Turn Off: Dana's brother turns up before things get really good.
Ep. 5.6 Lights! Camera! Action! - Bette cheats on Jodi with Tina #1 for this episode
Turn On: Bette and Tina back together!
Turn Off: Bette cheating.
Ep. 5.6 Lights! Camera! Action! - Bette cheats with Tina again.
Turn On: Bette and Tina are too good together.
Turn Off: Bette is cheating again, even after she went way the hell back east to hand deliver the '7 Reasons' sign to Jodi to win her back.
Ep. 1.9 Luck Next Time - Shane's hired to do Sherri Jaffe's hair but ends up doing a whole lot more.
Turn On: Shane and Sherri narrowly escape getting caught by Sherri's Hollywood husband. Kate Moennig and Rosanna Arquette have pretty insane chemistry.
Turn Off: They stop short when Sherri's husband arrives home, leaving them and us wanting more.
Ep. 3.12 Left Hand of the Goddess - Alice and Lara's grief sex over Dana.
Turn On: Leisha Hailey and Lauren Lee Smith are unreasonably good together.
Turn Off: Bonding over the death of their beloved and one of our favorite characters.
Ep. 2.9 Late, Later, Latent - Bette and Tina's make-up sex while Tina's hot and heavy with Helena.
Turn On: Their make-up sex is super sexy. And Tina shows Bette that she's learned a few things since they last got together.
Turn Off: Not much, except we just know it's potentially going to get ugly with Helena.
Ep. 5.5 Lookin' at You, Kid - Jenny and Nikki get together in the closet at the Lez Girls cast party.
Turn On: Kate French and Mia Kirshner have super cute chemistry together, bringing out a more playful, fun side to Jenny that is pretty much the opposite of headcase, brooding sex with Marina.
Turn Off: The L Word writer's clumsy metaphor for Nikki as a closeted starlet.
Ep. 4.7 Lesson Number One - Shane and Paige's first time.
Turn On: Kristanna Loken is smokin'! All of the Shane/Paige sex scenes have wild chemistry.
Turn Off: We can't think of one.
Ep. 4.6 Luck Be a Lady - Bette and Jodi make passionate love amidst the found art.
Turn On: This is every art history major's dream sex!
Turn Off: It doesn't go on for longer.
Ep. 4.4 Lay Up - Phyllis rocks Alice's tutorial on going down.
Turn On: Leisha Hailey's 'O' face, and how quickly Phyllis gets up to speed with lesbian sex.
Turn Off: We don't really get to see Cybill Shepherd in action.
Ep. 1.2 Let's Do It - Bette and Tina have pre-insemination sex.
Turn On: Just about everything. These two are good together. Plus, kudos to the director/writers for including a visual nod to Requiem for a Dream.
Turn Off: There's sperm involved.
Ep. 5.12 Loyal and True - Shane and Molly's morning sex.
Turn On: Shane really loves Molly. Plus, this scene gets extra points for the High Art homage when Shane photographs morning Molly.
Turn Off: The sick feeling that in the L Word world this bliss won't last for long.
Ep. 4.8 Lexington and Concord - Shane and Paige's steamy car boning.
Turn On: Everything. Steamy windows, the threat of getting caught.
Turn Off: The potential for the stick shift to end up somewhere they don't want it? Or is that a good thing?
Ep. 4.3 Lassoed - Bette gives her TA Nadia (pre-Arizona Jessica Capshaw) a RIDE home.
Turn On: The whole professor TA thing is an old trope that we love. And, it's pre-Arizona Capshaw! "Oh, Nadia!"
Turn Off: We just know it's going to come back to bite Bette in the ass.
Ep. 2.6 Lagrimos De Oro - Helena and a very pregnant Tina in the pool somewhere over Sunset.
Turn On: Rachel Shelley, Rachel Shelley, Rachel Shelley! Plus, Tina deserves some attention after Bette cheated.
Turn Off: Helena's ultra-lusty behavior may be a little too much for some to handle. Ah, who are we kidding? She's amazing.
Ep. 1.6 Losing it - Dana and Lara get it on while having an impromptu slumber party with the gang in Tina's living room.
Turn On: Dana and Lara are so CUTE togehter. Plus, the idea of getting it on while others are just inches away is always a winner.
Turn Off: Basically nothing. We just wish it were lit a little better.
Ep. 1.1 - Pilot Jenny and Marina - Jenny and Marina have sex after book club.
Turn On: Sex after book club is always a turn on.
Turn Off: Jenny's cheating, even if it is on poor, unsuspecting lunkhead Tim.
Ep. 3.7 Lone Star - Bette fingers Alice at the opera in a flashback to when they dated.
Turn On: Bette Porter, high art, and sex. Everything is a turn-on about this.
Turn Off: We didn't bring our opera glasses to see more closely.
Ep. 5.9 Liquid Heat - Heat Wave/Black Out Montage - Jenny and Nikki make-up sex after Nikki hooks up with her costar.
Turn On: Just that we like them together.
Turn Off: Lighting. These are lesbians. Don't they have better candles, or flashlights, or miners' helmets, or kerosene lanterns in a blackout?
(Editors note: We listed the montage as a package of sorts, ranking the individual scenes all together, but in the order of how well we thought the individual scenes were done.)
Ep. 5.9 Liquid Heat - Heat Wave/Black Out Montage - Alice goes down on Tasha
Turn On: Ice cubes and oral sex in the heat wave and black out.
Turn Off: Again, light a freaking candle! People want to see this!
Ep. 5.9 Liquid Heat - Heat Wave/Black Out Montage - Max and Tom's first time.
Turn On: Max really seems to be into Tom -- and vice versa -- and it's about time Max got a little love in his life.
Turn Off: Not sure there is one.
Ep. 5.9 Liquid Heat - Heat Wave/Black Out Montage - Shane and Molly's first time.
Turn On: Sweaty first time lesbian sex for Molly.
Turn Off: Molly says a load of annoying crap trying to justify her attraction. For example, that Shane is like a dude... Ugh.
Ep. 5.9 Liquid Heat - Heat Wave/Black Out Montage - Bette and Tina seal the deal of their reconciliation in the elevator leading up to Dan Foxworthy's office.
Turn On: EVERYTHING -- To be a fly on the wall in that elevator.
Turn Off: Dan Foxworthy is going to have a LOT to say about this tryst.
Ep. 1.10 Liberally - Shane and Sherri bang in the beauty salon Sherri buys for her.
Turn On: Sex in a barber's chair + plus Sherri's garters = pretty much no down side.
Turn Off: Despite how sexy it all is, we just can't help but think how it's all going to go wildly awry once Sherri's hubby catches on.
Ep. 5.10 Lifecycle - Nikki straps it on for Jenny and the camera while Adele watches from afar.
Turn On: Kate French, glasses, a man's button-down, and a harness. Sign us up!
Turn Off: Adele watching from outside (although who could blame her?), Nikki being stupid enough to tape it, and Jenny being stupid enough to allow the taping. And, as women who do AIDS Lifecycle, we can tell you that you don't want to be be slamming someone too hard after you've been a bike seat for 10 hours.
Ep. 4.7 Lesson Number One - Bette and Jodi's sweet morning sex.
Turn On: Control freak Bette lets down her guard to become so vulnerable. And, they're wearing tank tops!
Turn Off: They're not naked.
Ep. 1.4 Lies, Lies, Lies - Jenny and Marina f*ck in the bathroom of The Planet. Tim interrupts them.
Turn On: The desperate fumbling of fingers under skirt is definitely a turn-on.
Turn Off: It's a public bathroom. And it's dirty. And Jenny is still cheating.
Ep. 4.8 Lexington and Concord - Alice and Tasha's first time!
Turn On: These two are nearly as much each other's lobsters as Bette and Tina.
Turn Off: None to speak of.
Ep. 2.1 Life, Loss, Leaving - Shane and Carmen's first time in the DJ booth.
Turn On: Sarah Shahi, Sarah Shahi, Sarah Shahi!
Turn Off: Not a single thing.
Ep. 1.1 - Pilot - Bette and Tina have mad, passionate sex after the hot guy at Bette's gallery they've picked up to inseminate Tina realizes why he's there and bolts.
Turn On: Just about everything!
Turn Off: None that we can think of.
Ep. 2.5 Labyrinth - Alice and Dana Do Blue Is the Warmest Color multiple positions before Blue was a thing! Oh, and the nod to 9 1/2 Weeks is just the icing on the cake!
Turn On: EVERYTHING. This was the best consummation of a long-awaited relationship in the series' history, which is why it's our number one. We fully expect slings and arrows from Tibette devotees for this decision.
Turn Off: It didn't go on for 30 more minutes like in Blue Is the Warmest Color.