10 Ways to Have Fun When You're Going Out to Gay Bars Alone

10 Ways to Have Fun When You're Going Out to Gay Bars Alone

I just moved to NYC a few months ago, and I’m still making friends. While I’m actively working on getting settled here, I still like to go out to gay clubs and bars. But since I don’t have a queer crew like I had in Boston, I tend to go out, more often than not, by myself. In the time I’ve started going out alone to gay parties/spaces/clubs/bars, I’ve learned a ton. There are definitely some things you should do to help you have the most fun.

So here they are—10 things I’ve learned that makes the going-out-alone experience much more enjoyable.

1. Wear something exciting

Whenever I go out alone, I wear something that’s a conversation starter, whether that means going out with a dangly feather earring, wearing leather pants, or a pink crop top with polyester pom pom balls glued on. It gives a natural and easy way for someone else to start the conversation.

"I love your [accessory or article of clothing] that you’re wearing! Where did you get it?"

2. Pick a night with an activity going on in the bar

Maybe it's a pool or dart competition. Maybe it's trivia night or gay line dancing. Maybe it's a RuPaul's Drag Race watch party. Whatever activities you enjoy if your local gay bar is hosting an event, attend! Not only does it push you together with other people it gives you a built-in topic to discuss, about a shared interest.

3. Drag bars are the easiest when going out alone

​Drag bars are great. For one, there’s always a show, so you’re not sitting awkwardly by yourself while drinking. You get to watch a show (supporting your local queer artists). I’ve also noticed more people are looking to actually talk with others at drag bars. It’s also easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger. "Oh my god! Loved her

4. Buy someone a drink (if you can afford to)

I always offer to buy someone a drink. It’s a quick and easy way to make a friend. Then you both get to know one another better while talking and drinking together.

5. Go during Happy Hour

A lot more people go out for a drink alone during happy hour. This makes it a lot easier to find someone else to talk to while you’re sitting at the bar by yourself.

6. Smile when people look at you

This is key! Your resting bitchface will make it really unlikely for others to talk to you. You want to be as inviting and welcoming as possible, so smile when you make eye contact with people!

7. Live by the three-second rule

Want a little more courage when it comes to striking up conversations? Adopt the three second rule. The way it works is if you want to talk to someone, you have three seconds to do it. Because the longer you wait, the more likely you’ll talk yourself out of it.

8. Get your hands out of your pockets

Keep your hands out of your pockets and keep your posture straight. You want to look as approachable as possible. Slouched over with hands in your pockets isn’t an invitation to start a conversation.

9. Get a little tipsy

I always feel more comfortable being alone after I’ve had two drinks. That’s when I can relax and no longer feel self-conscious. If you enjoy having a couple of drinks, I would definitely recommend doing so when you go out to bars alone. (Just don't get too crazy!)

10. Keep your expectations at a reasonable level

The night isn’t a failure if you don’t meet someone or have the time of your life. There are some nights where I go out, I have two drinks, say hello to a few people, and then head home. It’s nice to get out of the house, watch a few drag shows, and talk to a few people.