Upstate New York Methodist minister comes out as transgender to congregation

The sanctuary at North Chili United Methodist Church in upstate New York near Rochester was quiet at first. It was one of those anticipatory silences that falls when a pastor stands before the congregation with “a special announcement.” Then, with a gentleness that belied the gravity of the moment, Rev. Dr. Phillippa Phaneuf opened a window into her life that few clergy have ever voiced so publicly.

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“I am not leaving,” she began during Sunday service on November 23, prompting relieved laughter, asking her congregants to hold on to that feeling. And then she offered the truth she had carried for decades. I get to announce with joy that I’m transitioning. I’m affirming and saying to all of you that I am transgender, and so the best way to put this is that I’m not becoming a woman, I’m giving up pretending to be a man.”

At several points throughout the announcement, which she posted to her Facebook page, members of the congregation responded with supportive cheers. The room softened around her.

What followed was not a political declaration or a defensive explanation, but an act of pastoral honesty and grace. With steady compassion, Phaneuf invited the congregation into what she called “a season of creative transformation,” rooting her disclosure in spirituality and shared community.

“Imagine if your doctor came and told you that your quality and outlook on life could transform exponentially to the positive. Would you listen to that doctor?” she asked. “If you felt God’s Holy Spirit surrounding you in ways that you haven’t felt in years, would you have a sense that that might be something that God’s okay with?”

What stays the same

Phaneuf anticipated the congregation’s questions and answered them with calm, grounding reassurance.

“What will stay the same?” she said. “My commitment to prioritizing belonging. We’ve spent enough time with each other that you know how important it is for a community of faith to prioritize belonging. What will stay the same is my deepening love for all of you.

She added, lightly, that while she would change her full name to Phillippa, she would still answer to Phil, Reverend Phil, or Pastor Phil. “Just not Dr. Phil,” she joked.

“Gender means gender,” she explained. “Orientation is who you’re attracted to.” Then she added simply, “I’m in the category of what they call asexual. I’ve been that way since we’ve all been together… I am not living my life in such a way that I am looking for romance. And that’s okay.”

She told attendees that she is surrounded by “enough love” from friends and from the congregation itself.

What changes

“My voice might go a tad higher,” she said. “Pronouns: she/her. But I’m not going to be pronoun police,” she told the congregation, adding that transition is a process for everyone.

She also suggested that the church may become known as “an even safer space” for people who have felt marginalized in religious settings, a possibility that drew murmurs of affirmation.

A church and a denomination evolving

Phaneuf said she had already met with Methodist leadership.

“Is the bishop okay with this? Absolutely,” she said. “They were the first ones I went to.”

Her announcement comes as the United Methodist Church moves decisively toward LGBTQ+ inclusion. Last year, the denomination reversed long-standing rules that condemned LGBTQ+ identities. According to its website, the UMC now affirms human sexuality “as a sacred gift,” language that applies “to all persons, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.”

Family rejection amid congressional embrace

The most painful moment in the announcement came when she shared that her parents had texted her the morning of the service.

“They asked me to tell you all that they do not support me,” she said quietly. “They have chosen their convictions and beliefs over supporting their child.”

Phaneuf told the congregation she is three months into hormone replacement therapy. “Within that first week,” she said, “I was really, truly happy for the first time in a very long time, and that’s a beautiful thing, and that’s what we want for the people in our lives, isn’t it?”

The path forward

Phaneuf told congregants that she welcomed all questions and that the district would provide workshops and resources to support both her and the congregation. Phaneuf emphasized that patience will be essential as everyone adjusts.

“What brought us together and has kept us together,” she said, “are all the things found in the ‘stays the same’ category… what kept us together in love and ministry to this community and the community at large. May it continue to be so. Amen.”