Throughout the years, the critically-acclaimed Netflix original series Orange Is the New Black has gifted our lives not only with rich storytelling and intensely realistic characters, but also a lot of sex scenes. Like, a lot of sex scenes. For better or worse, we've seen a good amount of these characters get a good amount of action, and we've done our duty every year to rank every single one of these instances using a system that takes into account the situation, the acts, and the sentimentality surrounding it all.
Now, while Orange Is the New Black's fifth season was one of its strongest, it also had the fewest sex scenes by far, so we've only got a small update for you this year. Nonetheless, why not revisit the best of times, the strangest of times, and the Vauseman of times while stopping by? And please note that this is an opinion-based piece (what?? there's no official sex scene ranking?!), and so we may not all agree on the exact order of the rankings. Additionally, scenes are only eligible if they involve actual sex or sex acts, meaning that make-out scenes—no matter how hot and bothered—will not be included. (Unfortunately, that does mean that a lot of scenes involving Larry and Caputo are eligible.) And now, here are the good, the best, the bad, the totally uncomfortable, and the totally awesome sex scenes of Orange Is the New Black!