10 Reasons Every Penis Needs A Lovely Fitness Tracker

10 Reasons Every Penis Needs A Lovely Fitness Tracker
Zachary Zane

The next big fitness tracking device is almost here, and this time, it doesn’t go around your wrist. The Lovely is a fitness tracker for your penis. Yep, your penis. Instead of collecting data on your daily steps, sleep pattern, and food intake, the Lovely collects data on how you have sex—what positions you did, how long you had sex for, and how many calories you burned. It even offers some suggestions to spice up your sex life.      

How it works:
It’s a stretchy, silicone ring that you place over the base of your penis before having sex. Then you do what you usually do.  Once you're done, the Lovely transfers all of the data it collected to the Lovely smartphone app, giving you a comprehensive review on your performance. 

The Lovely is currently crowdfunding, hoping to raise a total of $95,000 in the next month. We really hope it reaches its crowdfunding goal. We'd love to test this baby out. 

Here are some of the pretty sweet features of the Lovely.

1. Tracks your sex positions 


It’s time to take Missionary to a whole new level.

2. Gives personalized tips for you and your lover 


The Lovely App provides detailed suggestions based off your unique style of lovemaking. The Lovely generates these suggestions through your movements and feedback.

3. Tracks duration of sex 


Three minutes of fun is no longer going to cut it.

4. Gives positive feedback 


Who doesn’t like hearing, “You did great, Zach!” after having sex?

5. Tracks your top speed


Haven’t you secretly been a little curious to see how fast you can go?

6. Tracks your force 


How much motion is in your ocean?

7. It vibrates 


Making sex that much more pleasurable.

8. Tells you how many calories you’ve burned 


What would be a fitness tracker without the number of calories you’ve burned?

9. Contextualizes your sexual activity 


So you had 23 minutes of sex, with a top speed of 16 mph and a force of 6g. What does that even mean? The Lovely will let you know that those stats equate to 17 minutes of jogging.

10. Keeps a history log 


View all your previous stats and see how your sex life evolves over time.

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