There's a section on craigslist personals called rants and raves. It's a random collection of disjointed whines, pet peeves, praise and proselytizing. The Washington Blade gay newspaper has a similar beat, called Bitch Session, with the disclaimer, "These are real bitches, sent in by real readers, about gay life's little annoyances, and the big ones, too."
Sometimes humorous, often infuriating, occasionally enlightening and generally thought provoking, these forums provide a service as a free court of public opinion. A civic service if you will. Accordingly, I'd like to initiate a column I'm calling Lesbian Bitch, a place to get catty, muse, wax poetic, over share and blow off steam about anything and everything regarding lezzie life.
To start, I'd like to say that I totally relate to the knock, knock joke "How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?" Answer: "That's not funny." I mean, come on; get a sense of humor girls. No wonder so many ignoramuses out there think we lesbians are angry misanthropes.
Speaking of lesbian jokes, do you know what a dyke is? She's the lesbian lady who just left the room. Yes, it's true, despite all of today's political correctness gayism is alive and well. Duh, Prop 8. So keep your guard up with all those progressive friends and neighbors who say, "Some of my best friends are gay." They were the same ones poking the "yes" hole on the ballot. The Mormons didn't help either.
More lesbian jokes? Does anybody not know the about the U-Haul? It's not only what a lesbian brings on a second date but the most tired stereotype and overused idiom in the lesbian lingua franca. Please let it die.
Back on the topic of craigslist, what happened to all the nice lesbians who used to post there? How come women-seeking-women ads now are only for skanky women posing for camera phone self-portraits in thongs in front of smudged mirrors, unmade beds and electrical cords? Gross. It almost makes me want to venture over to men-seeking-women to explore the wonderful world of cock pics in all their cut, uncut and veiny glory. Do straight women really go for that?
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Why are lesbians so cheap? How come lesbian events are always so low-rent? Gay guys would never host a party with plastic tumblers, Costco crudités, Jell-O shooters and KFC, but for some reason these are staples at every lesbian soiree.
And I hate the Dinah. It is a microcosm of everything that sucks in the lesbian community -- cliques, posing, cheating and other no-class behavior and drama. If I have to see another photo of drunk dykes in boy shorts crammed around a poolside with plastic tumblers in their hands, I'm going to puke my Jell-O shooters.
Do I have to listen to Melissa Etheridge just because she's gay? The only song I even kind of liked was the one about the stalker, "I would dial the numbers just to listen to your breath..." And that stuff about "acidic people" causing her cancer was just too much.
And while I'm on lesbian celebrities, does anyone else just want to shake Ellen sometimes and say, "You're gay g*dammit." Okay, so you get points for getting married, but that white washed wedding was about as risky as hopscotch. Quit dancing around with housewives and blabbing about vacuous BS. We have the View for that. We could really use a truly out lesbian to talk about meaningful stuff in our lives. Please come back Rosie.
Enough fomenting for now. Someone else's turn.
