When you’re single, it seems like everyone, from your bestie to your boss, is in a relationship. Smug bastards. No, I don’t want to spend five hours in a mall helping you figure out what kind of underwear to get your girlfriend. It makes me want to cry.
But can you really blame anyone but yourself? If you’re still alone, here are the culprits for why you’re still sleeping solo.
1. You’re not looking properly
Do you think that women just fall out of thin air? I realize we’ve all been taught by Sandra Bullock that love will pop up when you’re busy being a strong, independent woman, but this isn’t a romcom. Miss Right isn’t going to drop into your lap.
Sitting back and waiting for it to happen is the one biggest mistake we make. Stop expecting love to magically appear and be proactive.
2. You’re not looking in the right places
Stop being proud. The best way to meet women is online and there’s no denying it. My bestie often enthusiastically slags off (British term that means "is rude about") online dating sites as apparently “only the crazy, desperate ones are on there” but she’s straight. The gay community are in the minority, so seeking each other out isn’t as easy as going to the bar in a push up bra. We’re all online, won’t you come and join us?
3. You’re going too fast
I’m going to make my point here with a personal story.
One day at the gym (the only day I ever went) my personal trainer set a goal to go a certain amount of “fast” (yes, I realize that’s not the technical term) on the treadmill. When left to my own devices, I found it impossible to reach that speed without feeling like I was breathing in hot ash and about to faint, but I still wanted to achieve my goal.
And then, I had an epiphany … why waste all this energy building up speed? Why not just set the treadmill to the appropriate setting and then jump on? What a genius idea, right? So, I set my feet astride the moving-band-thing (another techie term there) and pressed the “up arrow," thoroughly proud of myself for finding an ingenious loophole.
It’s pretty obvious what happened next. The point I’m making is that many of us meet a woman we like and suddenly hit the speedometer. And yes, while gay women are famous for the U-Haul effect, this is a generalization and not necessarily right for you, plus it will probably scare the shit out of her.
Don’t make the mistake of finding yourself with a woman and going full force after three hours. Take time to build up the speed, and you won’t end up jumping on to a quickly moving treadmill, having your feet fling up from under you and face-planting into the dashboard, hearing only that squeaking sound unique to rubber scraping over smug skin.
No, I’m not allowed back in that gym. Yes, I learned my lesson.
4. You’re "straight-centric" (yes, that's a thing)
If, like me, most of your inner circle are straight, you’re a bit stuck … so branch out! Spending all of your time with your straight friends in straight bars is going to dramatically decrease your chances of meeting someone queer. And although I dramatically detest dating someone “on the scene,” it’s a good place to widen your social circle and, thus, your network of eligible women.
5. You’re happy single
Ahah, got you! For those strong single ladies out there who clicked on this article ready to shout at me on Twitter for assuming everyone needs to be coupled-up, you can hold fire. Consider single-dom not as a waiting room to your real life, but as a chance to have your freedom. Sometimes, happiness can be enjoying having your time, all of your closet space and the ability to spend all of your money on yourself/pets.
But if you’re set on finding that special someone, then may the odds be ever in your favor. Happy homo-hunting.
About the Author: E J Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee addict living in Hampshire with her spoiled cat, Hendricks. More ramblings can be found on Facebook or via Twitter @EJRosetta
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