25 of the biggest myths about LGBTQ+ sex, debunked!

There are a lot of myths floating around about the way LGBTQ+ people have sex — let's clear them up!

There are so many misconceptions about gay sex. How we do it, when we do it, who do we do it with. Why? Well for one thing its hardly ever taught in sex ed, so the only real way to understand it is to... well... do it.

Sure there are gay sex scenes and lesbian sex scenes in films and TV, but those rarely show the reality. Yes, queer porn also exists (thank god!) but even that is much more of a fantasy and rarely a true representation of what goes on between queer folks behind closed doors.

Naturally, people are going to get it wrong sometimes and just have misunderstandings about how it all works. Some of them are more ignorant than harmless, but others are just downright dangerous. Join us as we debunk 25 of the largest and most persistent myths about LGBTQ+ sexuality, in no particular order.

Gay men just have anal sex.

There's so many other ways to have sex than just doing anal sex. Gay men have sex in a variety of ways and manners. Plus, not every guy likes anal. Different strokes for different folks.

Lesbians just scissor.

Ah yes, the classic misconception that lesbians only ever engage in scissoring. While scissoring is enjoyed in many lesbian relationships, it's not the sexual position of preference for many cis women. Oral or anal sex may be more prefered instead. It all depends on the women having sex at the time!

Bisexuals aren't "really" gay.

This one is false, despite being so recurrent. No, bisexuals are really bisexual: they're attracted to their own gender and one or more. It's that simple, yet people want to push bisexuals into identifying as something they're not.

Trans sexuality.

A whole slideshow could be dedicated to the misconceptions present about trans sexuality. One tidbit to address: trans bodies function differently from cisgender bodies, so trans people engage in sex in different ways. Some are OK with using their genitals during sex, some aren't. Some engage in PIV (penis in vagina), others don't. It depends from person to person — the end.

"Queer" just means "gay."

There's a variety of definitions and identities under the term "queer." Being "queer" is just an umbrella term, so it's important not to conflate it with simply being gay.

Asexuals just need to meet "the right person."

Asexual people feel little or no sexual attraction, meaning there isn't a "right" person that "fixes" their asexuality. They just don't feel sexual attraction the same way other people do.

Poly relationships are excuses for casual sex.

Not true. Healthy poly relationships are built on romantic and sexual bonds that are strong, meaningful, and empowering. It's important not to confuse that with open relationships, which are based on two or more people being open about sex but staying romantically tied.

Open relationships fall apart.

A mature, healthy, and happy relationship can make an open relationship work! No, an open relationship doesn't automatically mean drama.

PrEP means condom-free!

Woah buddy! There are a lot more STIs out there than just HIV. PrEP may be a life-saver, but it's still important to take care of yourself, watch out, and get tested regularly.

There's no way to safely toss salad.

There is! Dental dams are not just safe, they can make clean up easier and leave out that questionable aftertaste when you're all done. Female condoms work too over the ass, as do cutting a male condom.

You don't need protection if you've already slept together.

Wrong, for a lot of reasons! Some forms of sex are messy and just require a condom, like anal sex. Or your partner could contract an STI and later give it to you, especially if your relationship is open. Don't take chances.

Gay men have high sex drives.

Gay men's sex drives come in a variety of styles and sizes. Some men like to hook up and have sex a lot, others only now and then while in relationships. Everyone is different.

Meanwhile, lesbians have barely any sex drive.

The Lesbian Bed Death myth is not true at all. Many lesbians in relationships remain very sexually active with their partners. Others, a little less, but that doesn't validate the stereotype! It just means every person and every relationship is different.

Trans women have sex just like in porn.

No, not really. Porn shows fantastical images of how sex works, including for trans women. We don't act or behave like many trans women in porn; some of us don't even like using our strapless. It's just not a realistic image of what sex with us is like.

"You have to toss a salad to be gay."

Or have anal. Or receive. Or be a top. It all doesn't matter; what's important is if your partner honors you and your boundaries. You never have to do anything you do not want to do.

Photo: Pixabay

We're all tops and all bottoms.

There's many other kinds of "types" in the mix, including vers. And some people simply prefer to opt out of the whole "tops" and "bottoms" lexicon altogether, seeing themselves as simply a partner for their partner.

Or we're largely oversaturated with bottoms.

While bottoms are common and plentiful in the LGBT community, it's not as if we live in a top or vers drought. Again, there's many types of people with types of preferences in the community these days. Be open-minded!

Photo: Pixabay

Gay sexuality can't be found in pop culture.

Oh, we're all over the place. From video games like Mass Effect and Life is Strange, to shows like The L Wordand Heartstopper. Seriously, you have to be blind not to see it.

Relationships always end in weddings.

Gay and queer relationships go in a variety of directions. A lot of couples choose not to get engaged because, well, why in the first place? It's important to be open to the idea that everyone's romantic and sexual lives are different.

The party scene "is crazy."

We do know how to throw some hot parties here in the queer community, but the term "hot" is relative. Every host throws their own style of party, and some are more laid-back and chill than others. It depends on the circumstances, who's hosting, and whether their friend group is more casual or on the wilder, party-hardy side.

The sex toy market is very niche.

Believe me, it is not. There are sites upon sites dedicated to toys for gay men and women, and there's tons of guides online for trans people looking to have sex. And for the gay guys, check out our recommended sex toy purchases. They're perfect for any and every boudoir.

There's no porn by and for queer or trans women.

False! More and more, the internet is allowing queer and trans creators to develop erotic stories, films, and comics by and for their own identity. Just check out titles like Nerve Endings!

HIV is a non-issue these days.

That's not true, and certain communities—such as the trans community—are at high risk of contracting HIV. While extensive measures have helped make HIV a controllable disease, it still remains a major problem across our communities.

We know everything we need to know about each other.

LGBTQ+ sex education curriculums are practically non-existent. A lot of us have to learn as we go, so it's important to have empathy and patience for one another when we prove ignorant or unsure.

Queer sexuality and relationships are radically different.

At the end of the day, queer sexuality mirrors straight sexuality in a lot of ways. We hook up, make out, fight, have make-up sex, experiment with one another, grow close to each other... it's very similar, in a lot of ways, and just another part of the human experience.