11 Things That Are Better Than Having a Boyfriend
Still single AF this year? Lamenting your life? Well have no fear! The single life doesn’t have to be the absolute worst. In fact, I’d argue that boyfriends (and for that matter, all men) are very overrated. There are so many things in life that are way better than having a boyfriend!
Here are just a few to remind you that you don’t need a man to make you happy!
Drunken, late-night pizza
It’s 3am. You forgot to have dinner before going out. You’re drunk. You’re back at your apartment. Do you know who’s there for you? Pepperoni pizza. Also that same delivery guy who judges you for ordering a large pizza four times a week. He knows you’re clearly eating it alone in your bed while rewatching Sex and the City, but he's nice enough not to say anything.
Videos of cats
Cats. The internet was created so that we can watch them doing adorable shit. I, for one, have eight actual cats. My therapist said it’s a completely normal and healthy thing to pick up stray cats off the street, but he recommends I stop at a baker’s dozen.
Finding an unlimited monthly subway pass on the floor
Can a boyfriend do that? No, you still have to pay for the subway with your stupid boyfriend.
When two different species of animals become best friends
Like when a baby lion becomes bffs with a piglet. Or a monkey and a dog. It’s better if one of the animals is really big and the other tiny. I wanna see giraffe who’s BFFs with a porcupine.
*TWO* boyfriends
Logically speaking, if you thought one boyfriend was good, wouldn’t two be better? I think you can have until about seven boyfriends. Then, maybe, you start reaching a point of diminishing marginal returns. (Also, can we all take a minute to appreciate this stock photo?)
When your parents come to town and buy all your groceries
When my mom visits me, we go straight to Whole Foods and Trader Joes. I am not here to play. I wanna get some chocolate-covered raisins. I want that all that expensive nonsense.
Food >>>>>>> Boys.
A cuddle puddle
When all your friends come on over and you all cuddle together. THAT'S definitely better than a boyfriend.
Friends
Friends, in general, are SOOOOO much better than having a boyfriend. You can also have sex with them too without them being your boyfriend, ya know?
When the bartender asks you, “Want to do a shot with me?”
There’s only one way to respond to this: "Yes, and I’m so happy I don’t have a boyfriend right now! He would have totally ruined this moment!"
Not having to douche all the time
If I had the option of never having a boyfriend for as long as I live and never needing to clean my ass to bottom, I would be single until the day I died.
Having a GREAT boyfriend
Do you know what’s better than having just ~a~ boyfriend? Having a great one. That’s why I’m single, okay?!? I’M JUST WAITING…
Holy shit, I’m going to die alone...
