1. "Honey I would, but I don't want to."
Do what you want to, and don't let anyone tell you different.
2. "It’s time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!"
Always find a way to counter your blues with something positive.
3. "Honey, it’s a waste of time. Like exercise. Or reading to your kids."
Don't be addicted to your phone, it really is a waste of precious time.
4. "It’s not something you can just run away from like a hotel bill…or a crying baby."
Life is filled with ups and downs. You have to face them and hold your ground.
5. "That’s like saying Prada’s are just shoes, or Vodka is just a morning beverage!"
Never forget that you and your loved ones are so much more, and worthy of love and happiness.
6. "Honey, tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic."
Call it like it is, no matter where you are. Shade is always in season.
7. "Honey, I don’t look. I’m looked at."
You are perfect the way you are and should celebrate it!
8. "Why don’t you save your anger for the bedroom, where it belongs."
There's more than one way to relieve stress in a healthy way.
9. "If you ever need someone to drink with, I’ll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll drink with you. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love to drink!"
Never forget to support your loved ones, they'll drink for you and you'll drink for them.
10. "I’m gonna be so mad when my mood elevators wear off."
Don't be afraid of actually feeling each emotional moment.
11. "Talk to the boob!"
Tell it to the haters plain and simple.
12. "Well, you’re all boring and I’m fun."
Remember that's there's nobody like you, so take a swig of that martini and teach the children mama!
13. "Honey, I've always said, if your genitals are on the outside, you're hiding something on the inside."
Take care of your heart, you don't know what baggage men might come with.
14. "Maybe it's like it says in the Bible: I felt bad because I had no shoes, but then I met someone who had really bad shoes."
Stay humble.
15. "You say potato, I say vodka."
When life gives you lemons potatoes, make something truly great out of your gift...like a sturdy drink.
