How to meet men IRL (and not just on Grindr)

There are more natural ways to meet someone...

Oh Grindr. We could go on and on about its pros and cons, but God only knows we don’t have to, because you’ve probably already experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly for yourself. Grindr is exhausting, addictive, and (at many times) disheartening. I’ve also met, slept with, and dated some pretty incredible men from Grindr, a few of whom I’m still close friends with today, so I can’t say Grindr is all bad.

Grindr though, should only be one tool in your toolbox, but that’s often not the case. For many gay men, it’s the only method they use to meet other men. They then complain that their love life sucks, and they can’t find a single decent man in [enter city name here].

It’s important to have various ways of meeting men. Some via the Internet, which has allowed us to connect with more queer men, but also, IRL. In case you’re struggling with ideas, here are a handful ways and places to meet men in real life.

Go to a gay bar

You may not find the most lasting relationships here, but gay bars are basically like the Grindr grid in person. If nothing else, it's a great place to at least practice talking to people, if that's what you're nervous about. Just don't be too offended if they're too tipsy the night you meet to remember you the next morning.

Join a gay sports league

If you enjoy playing sports (or want to start being more active), then this is hands down your best bet. Gay sports leagues are a great way to make new friends and partners. Being part of a team automatically bonds you, so if you’re shy or introverted, that’s okay. Just by being part of a close-knit group, you’ll meet new guys.

Join a gay man's chorus/a cappella group

If you love to sing, and your town has a gay men’s chorus, you should absolutely join. Alas, only major cities have a GMC, so if you live in a smaller town you may be out of luck. That’s where a capella comes into play. Not to perpetuate any stereotypes, but in my experience, a capella has many, many gay men. Once graduating from college, I joined a post-collegiate a capella group to meet men. (Spoiler: It worked!)

Join an LGBTQ+ religious group

Depending on your religion, your city may have a surprising number of LGBTQ+ religious groups, which is a fabulous way to meet new men, enhance your spirituality, and discover an accepting LGBTQ+ community. Personally, I’m a member of Keshet (which means rainbow in Hebrew), which is a Jewish LGBTQ+ group in Boston.

Join a support/social group

There are literally thousands of support and social groups out there for LGBTQ+ people to meet other LGBTQ+ people. I attend a bisexual support group and social group through the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston.

Go to kink events

Kink events may sound intimidating, but in my opinion, they are less intimidating than gay clubs. People at kink events work hard to create a safe, comfortable, and accepting space. There’s also no judgement at a kink event. Typically, everyone is friendly (or shy and awkward, but still friendly). The two people I’m currently dating seriously I met at two separate kink events.

Go to board/card game meetups

Queer people absolutely love board/card/strategy games. It's a THING. On Meetup, there are numerous queer events dedicated to playing games (think Settlers of Catan or Dominion). It’s a perfect way to meet some new friends without pressure. If you’re nervous, just play the game and have fun. If you want to chat someone up, go for it.

Go to any meetup for your hobby

Do you like hiking, chess, jewelry making, old movies, or reading? There’s an LGBTQ+ Meetup for that. Think about how you spend your leisure time. I have friends who say, “I have no hobbies, I just sit at home and binge-watch crummy TV on Netflix.” I always reply the same thing, “That IS a hobby, and there are meet-up groups where you can do just that.”

Volunteer for an LGBTQ+ organization

You can volunteer for a social group or a more politically-active organization. Either way, you'll meet other LGBTQ+ folk who are either passionate about LGBTQ+ rights and social progress, or simply looking to meet new friends.