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Cougar Crushes for Lesbians

Cougar Crushes for Lesbians

There's a cougar craze happening and we here at SheWired are not immune.Self-confessed kitten Boo Jarchow has assembled her by-no-means definitive list of lesbian-worthy cougar crushes, including Chelsea Handler, Salma Hayek, Rachel Maddow, Leisha Hailey, Jennifer Beals, Ellen Degeneres, Jill Hennessy, Halle Berry and more... Plus she's compiled a slew of honorable mentions.

Jealous of the contestants on TV Land's new reality dating show, The Cougar, hosted by Vivica A. Fox, in which a 40-year-old mother of four from Arizona dates 20 men under the age of 30, the lesbian cougar-lover in me decided to compile a list of cougars worth crushing on. And, so as not to offend anyone regarding age, I will use that show's 10-year-or-more age difference rule, which means anyone 32 and older is fair game for me and anyone else to crush away on her! 

So.... get comfortable, lock your door, close your blinds, put your phone on vibrate, and let's have some fun...

 

Chelsea Handler (1975)

I first fell for Chelsea Handler when I saw her on Girls Behaving Badly, and it's not just because of my slight affinity for bad girls. Not only is she one hot mess, she can make almost anyone cry from laughter watching her comedy series Chelsea Lately. The show is full of sarcasm and ridicule, which only enhances her sharp humor. She also has two best-selling books, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands, as her memoir, and Are You There God? It's Me, Chelsea, a collection of humorous essays. I can't turn down a girl who can handle(r) her vodka and could potentially drink me under the table. What do you say, Chels, you up for a challenge?

 

Rachel Maddow (1973)

Rachel Maddow has brains! And I have a thing for lesbians with brains. Along with being the first openly gay anchor to host a news program during primetime -- The Rachel Maddow Show, she received a Rhodes Scholarship (the first openly gay recipient), began her postgraduate study in 1995 at Lincoln College, Oxford, and completed her Doctor of Philosophy in political science in 2001 from the University of Oxford. She and her partner, Susan Mikula have been together since 1999, when Mikula hired her to do yard work during the time Maddow was working on her doctoral dissertation. It doesn't get more perfectly lez than that! 

 

Leisha Hailey (1971)

Known primarily for playing Alice Pieszecki on The L Word, Leisha Hailey is also a great musician. She and Camila Grey comprise the hot electro-pop duo Uh Huh Her. Their sound is sexy and seductive and completely addictive. She dated K.D. Lang for almost five years, but has been with her girlfriend Nina Garduno since 2006. Even though we don't get to witness Alice behind bars in The L Word spin-off that Showtime didn't pick up, we have youtube videos and her music to tide us over for now. 

 

Jill Hennessy (1968)

It's not easy to make women swoon while performing an autopsy but week after week in Crossing Jordan (one of my all-time favorites), Jill Hennessy did just that. The low, raspy voice and the way she sports a leather coat didn't hurt on Jordan either. Hennessy first made the ladies sit up and take notice when she played ADA Claire Kincaid on Law and Order but she sealed it with the girls when she played lesbian as the cool, collected girlfriend opposite Nisha Ganatra in 1999's Chutney Popcorn. Plus, she's a singer songwriter with a folk / rock bent, which is just catnip to gay girls.  And for those with cougar twin fantasies, Hennessy's got an identical twin...Jacqueline. 

 

Naomi Watts (1968)

Born in England, raised in Australia, she landed a supporting role in Tank Girl. She also starred in David Lynch's Mulholland Drive, in which she has a nice lesbian scene. She is one hot damsel in distress in King Kong, and her other films include I  Huckabees and 21 Grams (for which she got an Oscar nomination).  Her flawless good looks paired with enthusiasm for risqué roles gives Watts some intense wattage. 

 

Maria Bello (1967)

Coyote Ugly. That's enough to do it for me! She has been nominated twice for a Golden Globe: Best Supporting Actress in The Cooler, and Best Actress in A History of Violence. She had a starring role in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.  Recently Bello took up surfing, which keeps her fierce body hot as always, and boosts that lusty soccer-mom image (her son's name is Jackson Blue). 

 

Lauren Graham (1967)

Graham is best known for her seven-year stint on Gilmore Girls, as the hottest MILF I have seen. Graham didn't start at the top. Her first paying job was making publicity appearances as Striker, the 1994 FIFA World Cup mascot dog. She can also be seen in Bad Santa, definitely looking exceptionally nice, yet naughty. She also costars in Evan Almighty.

 

Halle Berry (1966)

 

I will always think of Halle Berry in her Oscar dress the night she won Best Actress for Monster's Ball, the first and, as of 2009, only African American woman to have won. How well put-together can a woman be? The Revlon spokeswoman is among the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood. Berry portrayed Storm in X-Men, and its sequels, X2: X-Men United and X-Men: The Last Stand.  Her first onscreen nude scene was in Swordfish. The brief flash of her breasts added $500,000 to her fee. Berry also starred in Catwoman. She was number one in FHM'100 Sexiest Women in the World poll. She was the first African American Miss World entrant in 1986, and finished sixth.

 

 

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Salma Hayek (1966)

Playing opposite Antonio Banderas in Desperado, Salma Hayek got her first big break.  She then played a vampire queen in From Dusk Till Dawn, with a memorable table dance. Reprising the Desperado role, she appeared in Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Taking on double-duty, she co-produced and starred in Frida, and earned an Oscar nomination for Best Actress. Despite her acting and producing success with Ugly Betty she seems to be better known for her ferocious female figure.

 

Tea Leoni (1966)

Tea is Italian for 'goddess'; Leoni's legs and midriff definitely back that up. An athletic model before her acting days, she had roles in Bad BoysDeep Impact, Jurassic Park IIISpanglish, and The Family Man. Her hubby, David Duchovny, went to rehab for a sex addiction, and I see why! They followed the rehab announcement with a statement they separated. Hm...

 

Sophie Marceau (1966)

This Frenchie made her acting debut at 14. Sophie Marceau instant success in France brought more film roles, and a singing career. Marceau made Americans weak at the knees as Princess Isabelle in Braveheart. She is another hot Bond girl as Elektra King in The World Is Not Enough. Is anyone having naughty French maid fantasies? 

 


Famke Janssen (1965)

From the Netherlands, Famke Janssen speaks Dutch, English, German, and French. She started out modeling, and of course tried to transition into acting. Unlike most, she succeeded. She made our hearts skip a beat in the first Pierce Brosnan's first Bond flick, GoldenEye, as femme fatale Xenia Onatopp, the villainess who orgasms as she kills people. She's played trans onNip/Tuck and has starred in the X-Men trilogy. Obviously, she's got talent as gorgeous, although brutal, characters. And just in case you get an urge to hear her voice, she does all the Dutch narration for the Studio Tram Tour for all Disney parks. 

 

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Mariska Hargitay (1964)

Mariska Hargitay won an Emmy for playing hot, hot, hot cop Detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a role she's made her own since 1999. I don't even need to know what she did before SVU to be completely enthralled. Although, it's funny to visualize her wearing a pageant gown -- as she was crowned Miss Beverly Hills USA back in the day. Supposedly, she's the highest paid actress on TV working today. Her real appeal is still generated from her physical flawlessness and confidence. There's something irresistible about a woman in control, or one with good aim and a set of handcuffs.


Elle McPhearson (1964)

This stunning supermodel keeps her body looking top-notch by eating only organic food. Those organics have done her body good! And talk about some cougar on cougar action. Macpherson explored her on-screen lesbian side with Kate Capshaw --that's right, Grey's Anatomy's Jessica Capshaw's mom -- in the estrogen-heavy Showtime movie, A Girl Thing. She also carries an official Cougar membership card after being seen out and about with Vito Schnabel -- a ripe 21 years young -- early this year. 

 

Jennifer Beals (1963)

I can't tell if it's the big expressive eyes, the killer smile, the big brain or the to-die-for delts that make Jennifer Beals so unreasonably hot. From her break-out performance as a welder / dancer with big dreams and leg warmers in Flashdance to The L Word's arguably most compelling character, Beals has steadily climbed the cougar ranks. Smart, sexy--hello, Yale Grad -- and studied when it comes to her lesbian sex scenes, she's never more appealing then when her Bette is spewing about injustice while dishing hardcore spitfire demand on the L Word.

 

Gina Gershon (1962)

Gershon is a gay icon thanks to playing full-on lez in Bound , and bi in Showgirls. She has seriously sultry good looks; review one of her many nude appearances if you need verification. Gershon did a pair (hmm...) of videos parodying Sarah Palin -- Gina Gershon Strips Down Sarah Palin and Gina Gershon Does Sarah Palin 2. Humor only makes her hotter. And I haven't even begun to wax on about her illustrious lips.

 

Demi Moore (1962)

Getting her start in 1980s teen movies including St. Elmo's Fire and About Last Night, Demi Moore became a bona fide member of the Brat Pack. She moved on to do Ghost, and landed even better roles in films like A Few Good Men. As an extra perk, she was the first actress to earn a $10 million salary. During a break from the big screen, she became a founding "celebrity investor" of the Planet Hollywood restaurant chain. She returned, still as hot as ever, in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.  I give her bonus points for her card-carrying member status in the Cougar Club, as she is married Ashton Kutcher. Now I just need to get her to join the Cats.

 

Kathy Griffin (1960)

 

The self-proclaimed "D-list celebrity," Kathy Griffin began her ascension to said status on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. Recently, at the 20th annual GLAAD Media Awards, she accepted the Vanguard Award sporting only a tiny bikini --with a marriage equality White Knot affixed on her crotch -- and showing off just how hot she really is.

 

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Ellen Degeneres (1958)

ellen

Ellen has a hot wife, Portia de Rossi, and is an 11-time Emmy Award-winning stand-up comedian, talk-show host, actress, and animal lover and advocate. In 1997, on season four of Ellen,  her character, Ellen Morgan, came out to her therapist, played by Oprah. Ellen and her then gf Anne Heche also famously appeared on Oprah discussing their relationship. Ellen has hosted a slew of awards shows from the Emmys to the Oscars and manages to make even the longest of them entertaining till the end. Recently, she became a CoverGirl! Looks, talent, humor, and intelligence make up for her dance moves. But, I have to say her activism for animals and LGBT rights are my two favorite things about her, and definitely why she is on my list. Her wife may have also influenced me a little.

 

Of course, there are plenty of other ladies that we all love, so some of those women who are on every list of 'Hollywood's Hottest' are just givens, so I am making them, and a few others, my honorable mentions.

 

Valerie Bertinelli

Jodie Foster

Tyra Banks

Meryl Streep

Catherine Keener

 

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Penelope Cruz

Cameron Diaz


 

Isabella Rossellini

 

Iman

 

Kate Winslet

 

Anjelica Houston

 

Eva Longoria

 

Madonna

 

Dianna Krall

 

This list is by no means comprehensive, so please let us know who your fave cougars are.

 

 

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Boo Jarchow