The fall TV line-up has a few lesbian or bisexual characters on tap, including new characters like the lesbian cheerleader on the freshman series Hellcats and Linda Hamilton as a pot-dealing lesbian hippy type on Weeds. And, there are always returning tried and true favorites like Sara Ramirez’s Callie and Jessica Capshaw’s Arizona on Grey’s.
But we at SheWired, a little drunk on the idea of a three-day weekend, got silly and came up with a few lesbian storylines we’d like to see this season.
Thanks to our colleague at Advocate.com, Ross von Metzke, for his ridiculous and inspiring help.
Vanessa Williams is "the new housewife in town" on Desperate Housewives and she apparently has a bone to pick with her old high-school rival, Felicity Huffman’s Lynette. But I have a bone to pick with Marc Cherry. Why'd you have Dana Delany's Katherine Mayfair come out -- and with Julie Benz no less -- and then ship them off to Europe? Here's an idea. Lets help Huffman's Lynette get her groove back with a little help from the former Miss America.
Elizabeth Mitchell plays a tough as nails, leather jacket wearing, pistol packing FBI agent on V -- who likes men. Yeah right. How bout a return to her heyday on Gia. She and the head of the V's Morena Baccharin can face off in a bloody battle to the finish, and just before one them pushes the other off the edge of the ship, they can give in to what's really going on — an underlying urge to hop in the sack.
Near the end of last season, Julianna Margulies' Alicia Florek asked razor-tongued PI Kalinda Sharma (Emmy winner Archie Panjabi) the question lesbian fans of the show really want to know. Is she gay? Is she straight? An intimate moment with another woman in a storage unit seemed to suggest Kalinda’s at least bi, but since Alicia and Kalinda like to knock one back everyone so often, what do ya say the two ladies get a bit tossed one evening and cross the line. It would definitely make for some sexual tension in the halls of Lockhart and Gardner — and I'd far rather see Alicia and Kalinda ride off into the sunset than have her get back with her cheating ex Peter.
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While Lea Michele’s Rachel Berry has formerly been hung up on Finn and Jonathan Groff’s Jesse, we’d like to see her sojourn to a gay bar with Kurt as his wing woman where the only other woman in the joint is a handsome dyke, who joins Rachel in a karaoke sing-off to Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin’s ‘Sister’s are Doin’ it for Themselves.” Partway through proto-feminist anthem with her new-found friend, Rachel discovers a profound attraction to her skinny-jeaned, Converse sporting paramour and they slow dance ala Charlize and Christina Ricci to the original “Don’t Stop Believing’”
Let’s get real. Modern Family’s Ed O’Neill is in his early 60’s, and while Sofia Vergara’s Gloria Delgado-Pritchett doesn’t seem like a total gold digger, she also has needs. Cue Julie Bowen, who’s Claire got up close and personal with Gloria on an escalator last season when her dress was ripped off from under her trench coat and the fiery Latina was called upon to lend a hand — boob to boob. Nothing wrong with a little over the shirt action with your step mother-in-law.
Hot in Cleveland's Victoria Chase (Wendie Malick) has proven time and time again she'll do anything for a role. And in season two, we think she should take her gal pals Melanie (Valerie Bertinelli) and Joy (Jane Leeves) down to the local lez bar to seduce the stage manager of "Good Morning Cleveland" and blackmail her with pics for a hosting gig. Val can distract her with her hoots while Jane gets her good and liquored up in a body shot contest. Good ole Elka (Betty White) swoops in at the end with her camera, and you've got Golden Girls Gone Wild — and at long last, a new job for long-suffering soap star Victoria.
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Army Wives: These men have been off at war for five seasons, and you mean to tell me Kim Delaney and Catherine Bell have never gone down on each other?
Lets get it over with already, shall we. We've already established that Cougar Town's Jules (Courteney Cox) is no cougar, and that she's never more fun than when she's boozing it up on the town with her much young bestie Laurie (Busy Phillips) and her fellow wino Ellie (Christa Miller). Something tells me that, at some point, Jules will give up on men, join Ellie and Laurie in the hot tub for a braless soak and invite sex crazed Barb over for a night of Vodka chasers and a game of chicken.
In a 30 Rock / Parks and Recreation crossover episode Amy Poehler’s Leslie Knope invites Jane Krakowski’s narcissistic Jenna Maroney to headline a Parks and Rec gala aimed at raising money for 24-hour surveillance of the local park’s “fruit loop” cruising area. Believing Leslie to be a power dyke booking agent based on her pant suits and love for Hillary Clinton, Jenna plants one on Leslie in the restroom of the Pawnee Holiday Inn.
Nora Walker hasn't had much luck with men — for that matter, it seems, neither has Sally Field. Her late husband William cheated on her for years, her architect boyfriend was married to another woman, and her last love interest conned her into a ponzi scheme style investment plan and made off with her money. Realizing maybe the real problem is her, Nora pours her heart out to the equally unlucky in love Holly (Patricia Wettig) over a bottle of Shiraz and the two wind up reading Audre Lorde to each other while taking turns soaping each other up with a loofah.
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