Portia de Rossi appears on Monday’s Oprah to promote her new book, Unbearable Lightness, saying the pressure to stay closeted in Hollywood is one of the many reasons she became obsessed with losing weight.

At the height of her illness, de Rossi got down to 82 pounds, but she still thought she was being healthy and showing discipline — doing what she needed to do to be an actress.

“1997, Ellen came out, and I watched that like I’m sure a lot of gay people did, but especially gay actresses at that time,” de Rossi tells Oprah. “If she went down, there’s no way in hell I can come out.”

The actress says falling in love with Ellen has helped her to heal.

“Love saves you,” she says, choking back tears. “Love really does heal you.”

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