On the upside, those fun-loving gals of WeHo on The Real L Word all managed to keep from flashing their collective vags to anyone watching Showtime this week, and on the downside, well, they all kept their clothes on. The Real L Word sex scenes are schadenfreude at best, so it’s a little sad when an episode arrives sans sex.
But onward and upward! Here’s what the gals are up to this week. The show opens at that lovable lothario Whitney’s apartment, which also apparently doubles as a half-way house for anyone she’s ever dated, and her ex Rachel is enjoying a nice crispy raw bell pepper. Not to give it all away, this will be the last healthy thing Rachel does this episode.
The ex who came to dinner and never left has some words of wisdom for Whit regarding Whit and her relationship with the ever-present Sara. Rachel, who says she’s just trying to be a friend – a friend who would crawl under Whitney in a heartbeat should Whitney make an overture, but that’s beside the point - says she basically thinks Sara’s bad news for Whitney.
We hop for a quick minute over to another of Whitney’s ex flings Romi, who’s been laying off the sauce and is discovering all sorts of wonderful sides to herself – for instance, she enjoys getting up at the asscrack of dawn and going for a run without the booze from the night before wafting from her pores. Her adorable yet, we’ll call her “challenging,” girlfriend Kelsey, who is jubilantly avoiding getting on the wagon to support her girlfriend, remains snoozing under the covers.
Cut to Claire, the ladykiller who left one girl in NY to pursue a relationship with her ex in LA all the while keeping both of them on the line. Claire’s finished squatting in her ex Francine’s apartment and she’s moving in to her old place. But hang on, for a moment it looks like she might be moving into my crappy old digs on Franklin in Hollywood. Here’s a word to the wise, Claire, if it’s my old building! The landlord’s a creepy old perv. But alas, it looks like she's landed a pretty fancy flat, which begs the question - how does a girl with no job to speak of afford a Beemer and a nice place?
Next up we are off to a game of “Which of These Things is Not Like the Other” at Chef Susan Feniger’s amazing restaurant Street on La Brea, where wild things Whitney and Sara – Whitney is not heeding Rachel’s advice – and hopeful, settled mamas-to-be Cori and Kacy are meeting for dinner. The dinner conversation primarily consists of Whitney and Sara gobsmacked in awe of the utter adorableness of the monogamous couple with the alliterative names. But at one point, baby-carrier-to-be Cori - God these names are confusing me, I have to look them up every time! — throws down a proverbial gauntlet saying she’s still got it in her to party. Listen Cori, Whit and Sara should be emulating you and not the other way around! Whitney spews some fish metaphors about Cori and Kacy being in the same pond, but I can’t really follow since I’d been sipping Grenache at a True Blood party for a few hours prior to watching.
Meanwhile, Sajdah is planning a birthday bash and renting a house for her and the love her life Chanel, whom she’s known for two weeks but who’s counting? And while Sajdah’s intentions may be pure she’s sought help from property manager / party planner Natasha to secure the house, and we just know this is not going to end well.
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
During the party Sajdah and Chanel steal away for a private moment so that Sajdah can give Chanel her gift. Ever the romantic, Sajdah has decided to keep a journal of the evolution of her love for Chanel, which she will share with her. Now me, being a shallow, bitter old bitch would be wondering where my real present was but Chanel is content with Sajdah’s words of love and the two of them drop “the L word.” No, I’m not talking about the real, original L Word we all kind of deep-down wish Ilene Chaiken were still producing rather than this beautiful mess of a reality show.
Back at Sara’s apartment Whit and Sara are having pillow talk about trust issues on Sara’s gingham sheets. It’s like Maryann from Gilligan’s Island made the bed for them.
In Romi and Kelsey Land Kelsey’s pounding the pavement for a second job. I wasn’t aware she had a first job, but good for her. It seems enough for Romi that Kelsey is trying to tow her end of the line. This is a far cry from the drunken, slurring, whining for sex Kelsey we saw last week. Although, Romi did finally put out, so maybe that’s all Kelsey needed to get on track.
On the Sajdah and Chanel front party planner not-so-extraordinaire Natasha’s friends are crashing Sajdah’s celebration. There’s a little verbal scuffle back and forth over Natasha wanting Sajdah to clean up the mess she didn’t make and Sajdah decided to get the fuck out before the situation goes from wtf? to worse. You know, Sajdah is a lady and a lady always knows when to leave. I think I just quoted Sipsey from Fried Green Tomatoes, so apologies to anyone who’s younger than 35 and has no clue what I’m on about.
But while Sajdah knows when to leave Chanel could give a hoot. She’s busy having fun talking with her brother and she’ll be damned if some aggressive party planner / property manager is going to get in her way. Sajdah drives away amidst some screaming, but not before hitting a car - twice? - on the way. A lady also knows when she’s hit a car and needs to own up, so Sajdah pauses to deal with that whole freaking mess. In my not so humble opionion, Sajdah needs her no-nonsense friend Marissa to swoop in and clean up this situation.
Rather randomly, Scarlett from last season shows up for a talking head interview regarding Whitney’s butch / femme dichotomy, and I’m not paying attention because I’m trying to recall if Scarlett is one of Whit’s old tricks or just a friend.
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
Meanwhile, Claire arrives at the POWER UP digs for a meeting with founder Stacy Codikow and director Jamie Babbitt to discuss Claire’s ideas for starting a lesbian website that features fashion, health etc... Master of the hard pitch, Claire sort of trips over herself as she tells Jamie and Stacy that she’d like to name the site “Dirty Boudoir.” After an awkward pregnant pause in which you could hear Thelma and Louise’s Cadillac drop off to the bottom of the Grand Canyon – another early 90’s film reference, sorry - Jamie suggests Claire add something “gay” in the title so people will know it's, well, a gay website. While Jamie’s advice is certainly sound it would have been fun for Claire to track the search terms leading people to Dirty Boudoir, which sounds not unlike a straight fetish porn site for people who like to don vintage clothing and get spanked.
There’s some conversation about Claire possibly interning with POWER UP, a non-profit, but Claire declares, “I’m not gonna be your secretary,” to Stacy. That Claire certainly has some cojones.
Back at Whitney’s it’s speak in your old-timey-voice day, and her roomie Alyssa’s a master at it. Meanwhile, Rachel’s off to cut two of her friends’ hair and she wants Whitney there for moral support or something. Before long it appears that Rachel’s been diving into the booze bottle with a fistful of Klonopin chaser because she’s a mess. While cutting her friend’s hair she slices her finger and proceeds to bleed all over her customer / friend. Oh fuck no! That literal red flag means get out of the chair and find yourself a Supercuts STAT!
Ever-patient Whitney attempts to talk some sense into sloppy Rachel. You treat me like “I’m a piece of shit,” I think I hear Rachel say amidst the slurring. And of course that’s Whitney’s cue to give in and kiss her for a moment. Whitney kisses girls like it's a tic – just something to do when she’s lost for words.
We turn to Sajdah who’s taking out her frustrations over Chanel's refusal to leave the party on the LA Amazons, her pro women’s football team. Who knew? She’s explaining that she and Chanel had their first big fight. Really Sajdah, you get a pass because you seem really freaking cool, you read all of the re-caps the lez sites write about the show and you just recently came out, but it is a good rule of thumb to at least have sex with the girl before having the first fight. But then I'm going to die lonely and miserable, so what do I know?
Back to Claire, and she’s picking up her friend Barbara at LAX. Can this show ever go an episode without a visit to LAX? Claire’s going on about how she’s not about to be just an intern for POWER UP. And just like that she moves on to something else. She’s hoping to plan a Real L Word photo shoot for her website. She may want to actually create, name and launch the site first but then again, what the hell do I know?
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
In another part of town Kacy and Cori are out having one last hurrah before Cori gets inseminated, and wow is she ever pulling out the stops. They bar hop from the Bungalow Club on Melrose to MI6 on Santa Monica, and Kacy’s throwing down shots the entire night. Kacy admits she’s worried about whether or not Cori’s ready to hunker down and be a booze-free, breast feeding mom. I paraphrased but that’s the gist.
Over at Cuvee on Robertson Sajdah and Chanel are engaged in a deep dinner conversation processing their first fight. Again, Sajdah, never fight and then process before you sleep with the girl. That’s just no fun at all. Sajdah explains that her level of trust in Chanel is slightly shattered since Chanel bucked against leaving the party when Sajdah asked her to. On another note, Chanel is eating a bowl of pasta and that’s just refreshing to see in LA, land of the dressing-less salad with the half a cube of tofu on top.
If her prior antics weren’t enough it's the next day and Rachel appears to be guzzling a 40 and starting her falling-down drunk, pill-popping 70's housewife routine all over again. But before Rachel becomes too incoherent Whitney attempts to explain to Rachel the mess and worry she caused the previous evening.
"I'm not trying to offend you," Whitney says. Hell, Whitney... she's in your house pulling scene after scene. Offend away and then get thee to an AA meeting. At one point Rachel locks herself in the bathroom and she's sobbing while peeing - something to write home to mom about for sure. This scene of desparation goes on for a while before Whit decides she has't had enough drama for the day and she goes out in search of Sara.
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
While Whitney may not listen to the voices that tell her something's about to blow up she's not always oblivious to the shit exploding around her. She explains that Sara says she has not been seeing Erica, the girl she hooked up with for a hot minute while Whit was in San Francisco recently. Lo and behold Whit spies Erica leaving the back door of Sara's work.
Sara jumps in to Whit's car thinking they are embarking on a nice date but Whit gives Sara enough rope to - not hang herself with - auto asphyxiate with for a minute before asking if she's see Erica lately. Like a five-year-old with her hand in the cookie jar, Sara lies her ass off despite being obviously caught. They fight and Whitney proclaims she's "over it," a mantra we've heard before.
"I'm turned off at this point," Whitney says. And to that I say "halleluia!" Whitney could stand to be a little less perpetually turned on.
Sara gets out of the car in the middle of who knows where and sets off into the evening. Whitney says "I'm single as hell," and with that proclamation we know that Whitney will be on a girl-getting spree in the next episode. And that's it for now. Tune in to next week's re-cap where I'm sure I'll be discussing The Real L Word vag shots that made up for the dearth of them on this week's episode.
Follow SheWired on Twitter!
Follow SheWired on Facebook!
