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A Straight Man Thinks the Pandemic Might Have Turned Him Gay

A Straight Man Thinks the Pandemic Might Have Turned Him Gay

A Straight Man Thinks the Pandemic Might Have Turned Him Gay

"I don’t want to be gay. I always imagined myself with a woman and having kids. What’s wrong with me?"

byraffy

Figuring out and coming to terms with your sexuality can be one of the most difficult and tricky times in the lives of many LGBTQ+ people. Add to that the anxieties and pressures associated with the current global health crisis that has many of us all over the world stuck at home in self-quarantine, and you've got it really rough.

In an emotional letter seeking advice from openly-queer, Chicago Tribune columnist Anna Pulley, an anonymous, self-identifying straight man who goes by the pen name "Bicurious, Bisexual or Turning Gay?" details the struggles he's had with his sexuality since being cooped up at home during the ongoing pandemic. 

"...during the coronavirus crisis, I have started to feel more attraction to guys (even when masturbating), although there were also some small signs that I repressed when younger, " 32-year-old BBOTG writes after explaining how he's been in two past relationships with women. "Now, it’s taking me by surprise." 

He continues: 

"So, I’m asking myself if I’m gay and that’s why I am not interested in a relationship with a girl or if it’s because I have an avoidant attachment style. I never find a girl good enough. Or if it’s just temporary. Or if I’m bisexual and I can deal with that side of me that I don’t really want. I don’t want to be gay. I always imagined myself with a woman and having kids. What’s wrong with me? You can be honest."

Luckily, Pulley had some amazing advice to offer. 

"I think it’s important and good and necessary for us to question assumptions we have long held about ourselves, as you’re doing now," she wrote to BBOTG. "I, too, thought I would marry a man and have kids, and neither of those things has happened, and I’m entirely fine with that. More than fine, really."

Pulley then goes on to say that the only way BBOTG can know for sure whether or not he is queer is if he does some exploring and starts dating some men (when it's safe to do so, of course) and that although there will be tough times ahead—"years and years of repression and LGBTQ discrimination have an effect on a person," she points out—it's all going to be worth it, especially if you find something new about yourself to love and celebrate. 

She continued:

"...knowing that these dark things were possible, I still couldn’t deny the parts of myself that ached to experience the light. To know the truths that lived in my body way before my conscious mind could begin to fathom them.

I know it’s hard and scary and the world can be lonely and unforgiving, but it’s also epic and beautiful and surprising in ways we can’t imagine until we open our eyes to them. You don’t need a label to do this, BBOTG. You don’t need confidence or certainty or any definitive answers. You only need to be curious and willing."

Read Anna Pulley's full Ask Anna response at the Chicago Tribune, here

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Raffy Ermac

Digital Director, Out.com

Raffy is a Los Angeles-based writer, editor, video creator, critic, and digital director of Out Magazine. The former editor-in-chief of PRIDE, he is also a die-hard Rihanna and Sailor Moon stan who loves to write about all things pop culture, entertainment, and identities. Follow him on Instagram (@raffyermac) and Twitter (@byraffy), and subscribe to his YouTube channel

Raffy is a Los Angeles-based writer, editor, video creator, critic, and digital director of Out Magazine. The former editor-in-chief of PRIDE, he is also a die-hard Rihanna and Sailor Moon stan who loves to write about all things pop culture, entertainment, and identities. Follow him on Instagram (@raffyermac) and Twitter (@byraffy), and subscribe to his YouTube channel