What It's Actually Like Being the Token Gay of Your Friend Group

Thanks to the LGBT movement BULLDOZING the opposition, we are now fast becoming an accepted minority, and it’s about damn time. This, however, is creating a new phenomenon: The Token Gay, or GBF.

And we’ll be honest, it doesn’t feel great. This needs to stop.

“This is my gay friend *Your name here*”

She/he says, introducing you to her group. Yeah, or maybe just say my name next time?

“LOOK A LESBIAN/GAY GUY”

Yes, thank you. We spotted him/her like five minutes ago. We’ve already swapped the “lingering-look” and checked each other out thoroughly.

“I Totally know someone for you.”

No you totally don’t. Setting me up with the ONE OTHER GAY PERSON YOU KNOW is incredibly time consuming for us both. Do desist. Or at least give me his/her Instagram account first.

“OMG Ruby Rose is so hot”

Yes, yes we know. And P.S. There’s a fine line between girl crush and bisexual. News flash:  If you like both sexes, you are bisexual. Welcome.

“What are Ellen and Portia doing now?”

I don’t know. I’ll ask them at the weekly lez meeting.

“Look, I wore this for you!”

They say, pointing out their rainbow accessory. Yeah, thanks for the support. I guess this one is OK.

“It’s OK we’re not together”

They say to their parents/sister/friends combined with a frantic head shake. Like, what makes you so think I even would? Pipe down.

“Let’s go gay clubbing!”

No. Your overexcited straightness will cock-block me.

“What's up with Caitlyn Jenner?”

Stop. Just stop. Her name is Caitlyn and it’s not some gossip topic, it’s actually a huge stride forward for our community. If you’d like to talk about it, get your pronouns right. If Siri can do it, so can you.

“Let’s watch OITNB”

PLEASE we’ve marathonned it like four times already.

“OMG come shopping with me. I need gay advice.”

Not all gay people are fashion experts. OK, yeah, most, but not all.

So I implore you all. Stop it! Your gay friend is not an accessory and has better things to do than follow you around making you look fashionable and niche. Thanks.

About the Author: E J Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee addict living in Hampshire with her spoiled cat, Hendricks. More ramblings can be found on Facebook or via Twitter @EJRosetta