If you’re new to anal sex, let me be honest with you: Bottoming can hurt. The good news: It only hurts if you don’t know what you’re doing. The bad news: Since you’ve never had penetrative sex before as the receiver, odds are you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s a completely new bodily sensation, being penetrated, and it takes practice. Unfortunately, sex ed typically doesn’t cover same-sex sex or butt play, and it’s seldom discussed in mainstream media. But we’re here to help you turn that pain into pleasure. So here are 10 tips for the gay/bi man new to bottoming.
1. Lube is your best friend
There's no such thing as too much lube. Especially for your first few times, you want to be as lubricated as possible, to help your man slip right in.
2. Cut your fingernails
Are they cut now? Good. Now cut them shorter and file the jagged edges. You will want finger yourself to loosen up, and long nails could scratch you. Your nails can’t be too short.
3. Practice in the shower
Now that your nails are freshly manicured, practice fingering yourself in the shower. It will help you get used to the sensation and prepare you for the real deal.
4. Fight the urge to clench
Your natural response will be to clench. You need to fight this urge, but you don’t need to push out either; you just need to relax. Your body will naturally loosen up with repeated penetration.
5. Go slow
Take your time to get the whole thing inside you. Don’t start off by letting your partner ram you. Take as much time as you need to get comfortable, and when things start to feel good, then, and only then, you can ask him to go a little faster and harder (if you’d like).
6. Pee beforehand
The first time I bottomed, I was convinced I had to pee repeatedly. Also, side note, the harder you’re penetrated, the more it feels like you have to pee. This is due to the prostate stimulation. So pee beforehand, and expect that feeling to occur. You’ll understand the sensation more with practice.
7. It can feel like you’re pooping
The only other experience you’ve had with your anus thus far in life is pooping. So it’s no surprise that, in the beginning, it often feels like you’re pooping (which is also why you feel a natural urge to clench). The association with pooping will go away with repeated experience.
8. Clean beforehand
This has more to do with psychological pleasure. You won’t be fully present in the moment or enjoy it if you’re worried you’re unclean. You can use an enema if you’d like, but it’s often unnecessary. A soapy finger or baby wipes works too. You can also gently flush the area out with a slender ear syringe. It uses less water than an enema or douche and can clean you out fully.
9. Express exactly what you want
Communicate what feels good and what hurts. Tell him to go faster or slower or to switch positions. Especially for a first-timer, the bottom needs to be vocal and in control. Anal sex feels different for everyone and there’s no way your top will know what feels good without you directly communicating your needs and desires.
10. Wear a condom
And of course, safe sex is pleasurable sex. Always wrap it up.