This timeline gets darker every day.
rachelkiley
April 30 2019 11:14 AM EST
December 09 2022 9:12 AM EST
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This timeline gets darker every day.
If you noticed "Gangsta’s Paradise" trending on Twitter this morning, you probably didn’t expect the reason to be because the Coolio song was used in the trailer for the…*checks notes*…Sonic the Hedgehog movie?
That’s right. The trailer for the film featuring the furry blue ring-catching hedgehog from Sega Genesis days was released today.
And unfortunately, once something is out in the wild, you can’t put it back.
On the heels of such astounding feats of film and television this weekend — Avengers: Endgame and Game of Thrones, obviously (don’t worry, no spoilers here) — Sonic the Hedgehog is a stark reminder that even in this peak era, movies can be bad. Really bad.
The trailer opens with Sheriff James Marsden clocking a blur going 760 miles an hour, before cutting to a thoroughly disturbing CGI version of Sonic pushing play on a cassette tape of “Gangsta’s Paradise.”
It then goes on to introduce Jim Carrey as what appears to be a brainiac villain with a literally twirlable mustache. He’s brought in by the U.S. government to discover what caused a giant energy surge in the Pacific Northwest and ultimately, presumably, solve their Sonic problem.
James Marsden and Sonic become pals despite the hedgehog’s really disturbing CGI mouth, and he lets Marsden know he has to…save the planet? It’s unclear why, but saving the world seems to be a plot go-to for films that don’t know what else to be about, so here we are. Saving the world.
One ring at a time? I don’t know, the ring part really isn’t clear yet.
Whatever. Watch the trailer. And think about how much better it would have been if we'd had a Sonic movie about the queer furry esports champion with the Sonic-inspired costume instead.
Rachel Kiley is presumably a writer and definitely not a terminator. She can usually be found crying over queerbaiting in the Pitch Perfect franchise or on Twitter, if not both.
Rachel Kiley is presumably a writer and definitely not a terminator. She can usually be found crying over queerbaiting in the Pitch Perfect franchise or on Twitter, if not both.