It’s The Real L Word season again and in lieu of traditional recaps about those kooky lesbians of Weho and Brooklyn SheWired has opted to do a weekly list of superlatives not unlike those random, meaningless and totally out of context that were once the mainstay of high school popularity contests. You know, “Best Hair,” “Best Smile,” “Most Likely to insert verb here.”
Without further ado, here are the superlatives for The Real L Word episode 3.4 – “Scissor Sisters”
Best Rainbow Socks on a Random Toddler:
There was only one random toddler sporting rainbow socks in the episode, and that was in some of the interstitial shots toward the beginning. In a show that often celebrates bad behavior we’ll take any palate cleanser we can get.
Best Use of Foreshadowing:
L’Amanda (Lauren and Amanda) are visiting New York City shacking up at some guy friend’s stinky apartment, and it’s the first time they’ve been in New York together and single. “I’m single and ready to go out and have fun with her,” Lauren proclaims. And as the course of true love never did run straight for these self-confessed “fu*k” buddies you just know something will go terribly awry. As fate, or Real L Word producers, would have it, Amanda turns up at the bar hours late to meet Lauren and a public argument ensues.
Most Amazingly Perceptive Kitty:
Last week’s episode revealed that Cori and Kacy had lost their baby. This week the couple works to put one foot in front of the other over the loss. It’s a good thing they have an amazingly perceptive kitty to offer up unconditional snuggling.
Best at Pulling Focus from a Lesbian Couple Making Out:
While we’re on the subject of amazing animals, the beautiful creature below is a scene stealer extraordinaire, pulling focus from Sommer and Donna’s passionate reunion / make-out scene. Sommer has just returned from tour with Hunter Valentine, where she’s gone at it –and not in a good way—with lead singer Kiyomi. Her wife Donna is right there to pick up the pieces with a good old-fashioned make-out scene, but the hot bitch above wants all the attention and amps up the audio snorting and panting in the background while Sommer and Donna go at it.
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Best ‘Oh Shit, He Didn’t Fall for My Powers of Manipulation, I’m Not Getting What I Want’ Face
Romi has this one locked down! If you’ll recall from last week Romi wasn’t getting everything she needed from her relationship with her ex-boyfriend Jay, so she fell into a familiar pattern and hooked up with another ex – Kelsey. Fast forward to this week and Romi’s giving Jay the old “you don’t love me as much as I love you. I’ve been giving way more of myself to you than you’ve been giving to me” B.S. so that she can justify screwing around on him and dumping him. I mean, as a tried-and-true lesbo I’d rather look at Kelsey on screen than Jay but Romi’s got a sneaky way of going about getting rid of him. Rather than shower her with a round of “please don’t leave mes" and "I love yous,” Jay just lets her walk away by saying he just wants her to be happy. And she did not see that coming.
Most Uncanny Impression of Callie’s Mom on Grey’s Anatomy
Sara and Whitney are visiting Sara’s traditional Portuguese parents and planning their white wedding, and Sara’s mom’s not having an easy time of it. The bride convinces her mom to go dress shopping with her and Sara’s mom delivers the most amazing “what the fuck am I doing here” faces while assessing her daughter in various wedding gowns and occasionally tossing out a bitchy line about her daughter getting married without a man. But never fear, unlike on Grey’s Anatomy, in which Callie’s close-minded mom refused to see her daughter get married, this story looks as though it may have a happy ending. By the end of the episode, mom’s helping Sara and Whitney with the seating arrangements and offering to bake some goodies for the event. Cue the sound of “aws!”
Most Awkward Admission in a Coming Out Story
Following L’Amanda’s fight when Amanda showed up four hours late to meet Lauren in a bar the pair heads out to brunch with Amanda’s brother and Lauren reveals how she figured out she was into girls. “My brother and I used to steal Playboys from my dad and that’s what I masturbated to,” Lauren says. Enough said…
Least Convincing Scissor Sisters
L’Amanda meets up with the Hunter Valentine girls at a bar and shares with them the story behind their scissors tattoos on their fingers, calling themselves the ‘Scissor Sisters,” and that is just total bullshit, because anyone who has ever seen or read about RLW season 2 knows that Romi and Kelsey are the only Scissor Sisters that matter!
Fastest Revolving Relationship Door
That Romi is slick. The ink had barely dried on the pink slip she handed Jay before she was off to dinner with Kelsey heralding her with a continual string of “I love yous” and “I miss yous” before whipping out the oldest lesbian trick in the book and U-hauling with Kelsey for at least the second time. That’s right. Kelsey is out of her parents house and back in with Romi. To Romi’s credit, at least she knows she doesn’t want to get her scissor on under her breath while Kelsey’s parents are watching Criminal Minds in the next room.
Best Way to Convince the Girl You Like to Take Out a Retraining Order on the Day You Meet!
The Hunter Valentine girls and L’Amanda end up having a few brunch time drinks together at a bar in Brooklyn. Amanda, who’s met Kiyomi briefly, checks out early leaving Lauren with Kiyomi and Laura essentially salivating over her despite the fact that Kiyomi’s got a date with her un-exclusive girlfriend Ali. Kiyomi and Lauren exit the bar together, and Laura, realizing she’s pretty much got zero chance at nailing Lauren, follows them out into the street and proceeds to do a strip tease in broad daylight. Essentially Lauren, Kiyomi and everyone in Brooklyn and within a three-mile radius of the scene is completely horrified.
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