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It's our friend and colleague, Advocate.com Editor Ross von Metzke's birthday. And as he is a gay man who loves camp and the ladies, he volunteered to cut loose a little on his (ahem) 29th birthday, and write a fantasy column about television shows that would have been much better with lesbian action and or subtext, and we can't really argue with any of these.
It's our friend and colleague, Advocate.com Editor Ross von Metzke's birthday. And as he is a gay man who loves camp and the ladies, he volunteered to cut loose a little on his (ahem) 29th birthday, and write a fantasy column about television shows that would have been much better with lesbian action and or subtext, and we can't really argue with any of these. So please enjoy guest columnist Ross von Metzke's birthday folly (and Boo's handy work with photos)!
Touched by an Angel - I might have watched this mess if Roma Downey had been touched by Valerie Bertinelli.
227 - Can you just imagine how much more fun that stoop would have been if Jackee Harry and Marla Gibbs were boinking?
Home Improvement - Forget Tim Allen. Put Patricia Richardson, Pam Anderson and a bunch of hot lezzies in a Home Depot.
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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - All that time tending to patients on the frontier and Jane Seymour never once thought about doing the deed with some hot cowgirls? Please.
Lost - I know the whole thing was about life, death and redemption, but forget Kate and Jack... I wanted to see Kate discover her true love Juliet when the two were handcuffed to each other in the cage. And don't even try telling me Michelle Rodriguez as a cop wasn't a lady who liked other ladies.
The Flying Nun - O.K., so it came out a bit after the repressed lesbians who get jobs as school teachers and headmistresses, but something tells me the show could have taken on a decidedly more sexual tone if Sally Field had been flying away from her long-lost love, played by a Hayley Mills type.
Alias - Few things are hotter than Sidney Bristow in leather, but enough of this macking on strange men from around the globe. We wanted to see Jennifer Garner get it on with some hot Swedish spy named Inga.
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Cougartown - With as much wine as these sexually repressed ladies drink, you'd think Courteney Cox and Busy Phillips would have woken up in bed together by now.
The Brady Bunch - Alice. That's all I have to say.
Dynasty - Joan Collins tosses Linda Evans into a pool... and they make love. T.J. Hooker films it. Genius.
