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Your first time coming out isn't necessarily your last...
So we've already talked about some of the ten most common problems that LGBTQ+ people face coming out, but if you thought the list of coming-out struggles ended at just ten things, then sorry my friend, but you are sadly mistaken.
Coming out is something that happens again and again in your life. You never just "stop" coming out, so naturally (and unfortunately), there are lots more scenarios that queer people face in the never-ending process...
Photo: Jorge Gonzalez (Unsplash)
When the realization hits
You might be so busy figuring yourself out and enjoying your new identity when it finally hits you: Oh, wait. I have to come out to people now. It's not a fun realization, even if the process isn't always stressful.
Not knowing where to turn
Depending on where you live, it can be hard to find another queer, trans, or allied person that will be understanding, supportive, and respecting. Location is everything, and sometimes where you are determines how well (or not-so-well) your coming out goes.
Photo: Teddy Kelley (Unsplash)
Being forced to hide yourself
Nothing hurts more than hiding your true self, but sometimes you have to just to get by before you come out. It's painful, it can make you struggle just to wake up in the morning, but sometimes it's necessary to keep safe. Then, slowly, you can take the steps you need to spread your wings and be yourself.
Online or offline?
Should you come out online and tell everyone at once, or individually come out to people offline? Maybe a mixture of both? Or something altogether different? Social media sure does complicate things.
Having a bad coming out
Sometimes coming out just plain sucks. A parent yells at you. A supervisor acts condescending. A friend turns into a bully. Big or small, we've all had a coming out that just didn't go well. Sometimes we've had more than one. And that first time dealing with a rough one...well, it really hurts.
Photo: Henri Meilhac (Unsplash)
Losing good friends
Friends should stick up for you until the end, right? But sometimes, friends just can't accept you for who you are. They refuse to respect you or drop contact altogether. It can really hurt to know someone you love or care about doesn't want to be around you anymore. But dealing with that pain makes you value the friendships you do have more, so it all evens out in the end. Sort of.
Coming out at work
Sooner or later, it's gonna happen. You're going to be caught in a situation where you have to come out. If you're trans, this might be because you're going through transitioning. If you're queer, this might mean because of an important life change with your partner (like a wedding!). But still, dealing with it is sometimes harder than family, depending on where you work.
Photo: Annie Spratt (Unsplash)
Dealing with extended family
So you came out to your immediate family, for better or for worse. But what about your extended family? Your uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents? Yeesh...turns out this is actually much more nerve-wracking than it seems.
Photo: Clem Onojeghuo (Unsplash)
Explaining to your partner
It can be awkward if you're already seeing someone and have to explain you aren't out to your parents yet, people in your hometown don't know, or you aren't fully comfortable being out yet. But as long as you communicate openly and honesty, it's okay to still be "in the process" of coming out.
Photo: Felix Russell-Saw (Unsplash)
Learning how to move on
Coming out can hurt. But you can choose to put the past in the past and move on. It might be hard at first, it might take awhile, but gradually, you can move on and live the life you want to and the life you need to.
Photo: Jeremy Bishop (Unsplash)
