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8 Dating Tips for Gay/Bi Men Living in NYC
Dating is difficult for anyone. Dating as a gay man is even tougher. And dating as a gay man in New York City can seem impossible. While you would think it would be easier, since you’re living in a metropolis with literally thousands of other gay men, the ample options end up becoming paralyzing. All guys want is sex, or they seem unable to commit because they’re looking to see if there’s someone "better." Still, dating in NYC doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be single forever. Here are eight dating tips for your single gay ass living in New York.
1. Stop falling for Hell’s Kitchen fuckbois
No tea, no shade, butttt don’t fall for the boys with amazing bodies who are incapable of loving anything else as much as they love their own abs. Circuit queens aren’t looking for love. They're looking to hook up with someone else while on GHB and then never talk to them again. Quality over abs. Okay boys?
2. Stop looking for love on Grindr
Plenty of people have found love on Grindr, but you, clearly, have not. So let’s stop trying. You’re probably distracting yourself with boys on Grindr instead of meeting men in real life who you could actually have a meaningful relationship with.
3. Date someone in your borough
If he lives in Harlem and you live in Brooklyn, sure, it can work, but it’s going to be a pain in the ass. If you’ve struggled dating people who live too far away from you before, then don’t put yourself in that same situation again. Dating is tough enough as is. If you add an hour (each way) every time you want to see him, it’s like you’re in a long distance relationship. And no, we don't want that!
4. Find someone with similar work schedules
There are a number of queer creatives who live in NY. It’s incredible! But also, if you have a 9-5, and he starts his shift bartending at 5 PM and closes down the bar at 4 AM, then it’s going to be really difficult to date. Find someone who has similar work hours to you so you can actually see him.
5. Ask yourself, do you actually have the time to date seriously?
Maybe I’m projecting here, but I’m finally realizing that I don’t have the time to date seriously. If you’re too focused on your career or you're traveling for work all the time, then maybe now isn’t the time to go out trying to find your future hubby. Because even if you do find him, you won’t be able to date him seriously. Love may be infinite, but time is not.
6. Don’t fall in love with the first “nice” and “pretty” guy you see
Especially since a number of the guys in NY are ghosters, fuckbois, and so on. I know it's easy to get stoked about the first pretty guy you meet who isn’t an asshole, but No. No. No! Don’t do this at all. Make sure you like him and not the idea of him. If you think you love him after two dates, you are WRONG. Sorry, but that’s the tea. You don’t know him well enough. You just know that he has a pretty smile and treats you with respect, but that doesn't mean you two are perfect for each other. You also might scare him off by coming on too strong. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
7. Don’t bone of the first date
I often do bone on the first date. It’s great! But more often than not, those guys don’t want to date me. It’s sad that this stereotype is real (at least in my experience), but often with gay men, if you give away the goods too quickly, they’re over you. So, if you find yourself boning a lot on the first date, and then not getting any texts back the next day, it may be worth it to slow down a little bit.
8. Go to a “quieter” gay bar, not an insane dance club
Go to a local gay bar in your neighborhood. Don’t go to an insane gay dance club because it will be impossible to talk to people there. Local gay bars are honestly the best way, in my humble opinion, to meet people in New York. Most guys there are also looking to meet new guys.
