10 Things I've Learned About Gay Life & Culture in My 27 Years on This Planet

10 Things I've Learned About Gay Life & Culture in My 27 Years on This Planet

Just a few days ago, I turned 27. There’s something weird about that age. It’s not old by any stretch of the imagination, but at the same time, I can’t play the "I’m young and naive" card anymore either. I’m officially in my late-twenties. Pretty much every breakout celeb is younger than me. Friends are getting married. And while a number of my friends are having kids (is this is a f#cking a joke?), I’m just proud that I’ve deleted my Grindr account for a week without re-downloading it. That’s where I am in life.

Nevertheless, I think in my 27 years on this planet, I’ve learned a thing or two about gay culture. And since it’s my birthday and I make the rules, I’m going to impart some of that wisdom to the world. So here are 10 things about gay culture that I’ve learned!

1. The year or two after college sucks

After graduating college, I moved to a completely new city where I didn’t know anyone. I had a bunch of friends in college, only to have none post-college. I had just come out as bisexual, and thought the world was going to be my oyster. Boy, was I wrong. But hey, once you hit your mid-twenties, things get a lot easier!  

2. Gays are catty because they’re insecure

Have you read the Velvet Rage? Seriously, have you? Because if you haven’t, you need to drop everything and read it right now. Gay men seek validation because we weren’t validated for who we are at the beginning of our lives. In fact, we were often only validated for pretending to be something we’re not. This influences how we interact with people and perceive the world as adults. 

3. Eventually you become less dramatic

I used to live for drama, constantly surrounding myself with it. But eventually you just become tired. It wears you out. You don’t live for it the way you used to. You simply don’t have the energy to engage in all the petty nonsense. Trust me, this is a good thing. 

4. Flirting with guys gets a LOT easier

I used to be terrible at talking to guys. Comically bad. Not to brag, but now I am pretty fucking amazing, if I do say so myself. (And I may, because it’s MY BIRTHDAY!) But after getting rejected a few dozen times, you realize that you will still live if you get rejected by a random stranger at the bar, so it literally does not matter. Ironically, when you firmly believe "Who cares if he rejects me?" that’s when you start getting rejected significantly less.  

5. Grindr probably adds more negatives than positives to your life, but you’re gonna use it anyway

As I mentioned, I’ve been off Grindr now for a week! Go me! Luckily, I’ve been too busy with work and Pride Month content to even realize I don’t have it anymore. But Grindr is an insidious app. It messes with our minds. We become addicted to the endless chatter, the faceless torsos, and the mediocre sexual counters. Take a break from using it!  

6. Sex isn’t a scarce commodity…so don’t do stupid things just to have it

On a related note, sex isn’t a scarce commodity. You can have sex literally whenever you want (in large part due to all the apps), so don’t do stupid things just for sex! (God knows I have!) 

7. Doubting a relationship doesn't mean you shouldn’t be in it

I’m a person who doubts every relationship. This is because I have what I like to call "Millennial Anxiety." Even when I really like a person, I always question if I should be with them. I’ve realized that I’m just an anxious person. I will most likely always doubt the person I’m dating (unless I get over my anxiety). Just because I question something doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong. 

8. I’ll never be happy with my body, and that’s okay

I work out a bunch! I (try) to eat healthy. And it shows. I am in decent shape. But like nearly every other gymqueen out there, I’m not actually happy with my body. I’ve never been. I always want more or less. This or that. And you know what? That’s okay. At least when I embrace the fact I’ll never be happy with my body, I no longer feel guilty for being unsatisfied with it. 

9. There will always be another party

FOMO is real, henny. Social media does not help at all! Literally every party on Instagram looks epic. But then I go to those parties, and they’re fine. Nothing to write home about. When I started seeing all the people at the party post to Instagram, I realize that everything isn’t as epic as it looks. Relax. There will always be another party. 

10. Despite our many problems, the queer community is something special to be apart of

Yeah, we have problems. LOTS of them. But at the end of the day, we are a community—one I am so proud to be a part of.