My other job when I’m not a slave to Shewired is loitering at Velvetpark, a lesbian dating site and social network run by my pal Grace Moon. It’s Pride weekend here in New York, and the Velvetpark team has partnered with Submit, one of the local women’s play
parties, to throw a kinky speed dating event after the dyke march. I think it’s going to be a blast and if you don’t have a sex party to go to in your town then maybe you should consider throwing your own? Tis the season, afterall. As truly great sex parties can be hard to find outside of big cities with dventurous opulations, throwing your own is a good way to ensure it ends up being a serious throw down. Think about it as an exercise in promoting community, intimacy, and safer sex. Throwing a sex party isn’t really all that different from throwing a regular party. You’ll want to invite people who you think will click, set up a space for people to party, guest proof a few things, maybe set a dress code, decorate a bit, pick out music and videos to inspire everyone and make some delicious snacks.
The Guest List
Your guest list is the most important part of the planning. You know your friends, and you probably have some idea of which friends will click. Ideally you’ll invite a decent balance of genders and orientations, tops and bottoms, that type of thing. You don’t want to end up with a room full of leather daddies all scoping each other and no one to get down on all fours, and conversely a room full of bottoms saying “You do me first,” “No, you do me first,” isn’t going to work either. It’s difficult to predict how everyone will act in a group setting, so just do your best. When deciding how many people you can comfortably accommodate, make sure to picture them all prone while you are doing the math. Fifty people standing around sipping sidecars takes up less space than fifty people reenacting the Kama Sutra. Create a basic guest list and augment it with sexy strangers. Make yourself some flyers and carry them with you. Anytime you see a potential attendee hand them an invite.
The Play Space
You can throw a sex party anywhere--basements, empty warehouses, suites at the W--it really doesn’t matter. But for the purpose of this article lets assume you’ll be throwing it in your own humble abode. You’ll want to create a lot of horizontal space. Clear most of the furniture out of whatever rooms you’ll be using. Couches can stay, and so can ottomans, but coffee tables and such just take up room. A series of large cushions on the floor, and lots of blankets to protect the guests from rug burn will work very well. Include a few padded mats, an air mattress if you have one, and any other comfy inviting props you can think of. Dim the lights and turn the heat up. Think love den, like Greg Brady’s room in the Brady Bunch episode where he moved to the attic.
More on the next page...
\\\
(continued)
Keep Their Hands and Mouths Busy
Sex makes people hungry and you’ll want a place for folks to gather and take a break from the action or cruise their next playmate. The kitchen is the obvious place to serve treats, but a lounge area, like maybe a bedroom will work as well. Stick with easy to handle finger foods, nothing too heavy or sticky, and preferably things that don’t take too much preparation. Sandwiches are good, so are bowls of nuts and dried fruit. A cheese plate, a few baguettes, some crudite, chips, and pretzels are also good options. Lay out some some cookies and chocolate for the sweet toothed among you. It’s fine to serve libations, sipping wine can help get everyone in the mood. But avoid having a full bar, no one wants to have sex with a room full of drunk folks. It’s not safe or sexy.
Get the Party Started
Assign tasks to a few select helpers. Have sexy greeters to answer the door and introduce everyone. Offer your guests a place to check their clothes. If some fancy dressers prefer to keep their latex catsuits on, ask them to at least check their shoes; seven inch stilettos are dangerous around dangly naked parts. Assign a few other friends the task of making out at various stages of the evening. Sometimes the guests need permission to get busy. Having a few enthusiastic sex hounds seed the party will go a long way toward making everyone comfortable and getting the action started.
Keep Your Supplies Handy
As the host it’s your responsibility to provide all the safer sex, supplies. Chances are people will pack their own toys, lube and latex, but you should stock the room very well and be prepared for anything. Several bottles of lube of various consistencies should be within reach. Put dental dams, latex gloves, and condoms in bowls all around the room. You’ll also want to provide sharps containers for piercing scenes, and lots of receptacles for used latex. Other necessities include towels, baby wipes, a first aid kit, absorbent pads for serious squirters, and a clean place for people to wash up.
More on next page...
\\\
(continued)
Set the Scene
Entertainment is key. You might want to schedule some performances--maybe even instructional ones. Think of this trick as a way of prepping the guests to have fun just like the free lessons you get before you go salsa dancing. Have some folks agree to put on a little sexy workshop to inspire everyone and bolster their confidence. And regardless of whether you have live sex shows, you want some porn videos playing in the background to inspire people an give them something to look at while they are resting. Pick the videos carefully. Find stuff that will actually inspire people and not turn them off avoid triggering subject matter like race fetish and rape scenes. Indie dyke porn is always popular, unless you’re in a room full of gay men I suppose. If your party is mixed in terms of gender and sexual orientation, then pick out a variety.
Aural Pleasure
If you can get someone to DJ your party, great! But if not, a few well-planned mix CDs will work just fine. Everyone’s idea of sexy music is different but soft ambient stuff is safe. You’ll want to pick songs that flow into each other and create a mood. Keep it mellow, nothing jarring. Recently I was having sex with my iTunes on shuffle in the background. Unfortunately, and also embarrassingly, the Toreador song from Bizet’s Carmen came on very loudly at a pivotal moment. Don’t let this happen to you, Create playlists and use them judiciously. Music with really recognizable lyrics can be distracting when you are having sex. As much as you might love to rock out to Tori Amos you probably don’t want the girl below you to start belting out tunes while you are fucking her.
Get more sex and culture from Diana here!
Follow SheWired on Twitter!
Follow SheWired on Facebook!
Be SheWired's Friend on MySpace!
