Inner Vision: It's All About Me

 It's All About Me. It seems an odd choice of subject during a season dedicated to love and sharing, doesn't it? Perhaps, if you're only looking on the surface. But you know that's not how we do it here.

No, here we go a little deeper to find the truth. And today's truth is about how those around us reflect back to us the things we need to learn about ourselves.

My tale starts with a friend who is going through the difficult break-up of a difficult relationship. It's a relationship fraught with disrespect, tension, screaming, yelling and occasional physical violence she insists "only happened a couple of times."  It's one of those relationships you look at and say, that would never happen to me. But let me tell you what did happen to me as she was crying over the phone.

I listened to her rage about the other woman's - but not her partner's -- role in the affair. I listened to her say how if she had just been a better person somehow her lover would magically change into a kind and thoughtful human being and their relationship would be so much better. I listened through the "what's wrong with me" and all the way up to the "I want my old life back," and that's when I had to reign her in. I traded in my soft consolation mittens and put on my tough love gloves. "Why would you want to be with somebody like that?" "Don't you deserve better?"  I demanded. While she squirmed with uneasy responses, I realized I was actually talking to myself.

Not about my lover, but about my own difficult relationship with a(nother) friend. It was long and tumultuous, fraught with jealousy and betrayal, and several major-league fall-outs. In fact, we are estranged now. Again. I always knew that there had to be a higher reason why I kept going back for more - and, after this last split, it became clear that the reason was because I needed to learn many things. One of those things was about friendship. In some ways, I was not a very good friend to her, and in my head it was justified because I felt she wasn't a good friend to me. Uh, uh. All the time I was cursing her name with fault and claiming the she was dishonest and disloyal, she was lying and manipulating and being dishonest and disloyal. What a surprise. How could I expect anything different? It wasn't exactly a self-fulfilling prophecy, it was more like a vicious circle that neither one of us acknowledged. After all, it's not easy to own up to our faults.

But that's only part of it.  While it's great to understand how people reflect us, we have to remember they own their own shit, too. In other words - just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me. Right? There are reasons why people are who they are that have nothing to do with us. It has to do with their individual journeys, where our encounter may only one stop along the way. And vice-versa

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We are all here to learn from each other. Each person, a teacher; each person, a student.  No matter how much we may like or dislike someone; no matter how different they may seem from us, their presence in our lives is part of our spiritual journey. Maybe we need to learn to be less selfish, as we criticize our selfish friends. Maybe they need to learn compassion from someone they think of as a bleeding heart.

Next time you're with your close circle - family, friends, business associates, teammates - look around. What qualities do they have that you love? What do you loathe? Does any of it resemble you? Blatantly, or slyly? Think about it. Whether we're pointing the finger of criticism or we're admiring courage, those behaviors are part of each of us to varying degrees. That's why we recognize them so easily in others. Good or bad. This also holds up with "strangers" we meet at the coffee house or at the dry cleaners. Pay attention, there, too, and see what happens. See what there is to learn.

This is the beauty of having a spiritual bond.  We're all connected, whether we see it or not. That's what makes it all about me. All about you. All about all of us. And that's the true reason for the season, is it not?

Looking forward,

Lisa V.

Missed the last Inner Vision? Read it here.