Op-ed: Bartender's Domestic Violence Joke Tastes Sour

We've all seen those supposedly witty sayings scrawled in chalk at a bar or restaurant. They range from painful puns to quite clever turns of phrase. I'll never forget this one, which I saw circulating on the Internet several thousand memes ago:

If you don't get it, that's fine. (The limit does not exist!) But my point is, this chalkboard sign is funny, nerdy, and, most important, harmless. This was not the case with an idiot bartender in Texas who decided to write this instead:

When Courtney Williams saw this sign in a bar called Scruffy Duffies in Plano, she asked managers to take it down.  When they refused at first, she snapped this photo and posted it on Facebook. The picture quickly went viral, and finally the bar owners acquiesced, releasing this apology:

“It has come to our attention that one of our female employees wrote something offensive without owner’s approval. Domestic violence is something our family unfortunately has overcome in the past, therefore this subject is one we don’t take lightly. We are currently investigating the situation and proper actions will be taken immediately. We thank you for your patience and again want to ensure this is not our stance.”
To explain why she took issue with the sign (as if anyone actually needs a reason to take issue with that level of bullshit), Williams told Dallas-Fort Worth's CBS affiliate, “I can relate; I can understand and unless you have been there, it feels very different.” This is sad, because not only does Williams acknowledge that the public may not actually care very much about a sign like this, but she also feels the need to qualify her own stance; she excuses people who haven't been victims of domestic violence from giving a shit since they don't personally know what it's like. I get why she does this—women are trained from the time we are born to diminish and make excuses for other people's behavior when in fact we are the ones getting insulted, harassed, or blamed for the violence and anger directed at us. And yes, I know that men can also be victims of domestic violence, but I'm pretty positive that male abuse victims were not on that bartender's mind when she picked up the chalk.

And the fact that the offending bartender is a woman should be completely irrelevant to her actions. I find it telling that the bar owners felt the need to point out the bartender's gender in their apology, as if to say, "Can you believe a woman wrote something so misogynistic?! Not our fault! Look at her!" Just because she is a woman does not preclude her from making a moronic, antiwoman statement (Michele Bachmann, anyone?), and the bar owners were clearly trying to deflect blame away from their establishment and onto the shock value that a female bartender would dare pen such a message.

I have several issues with this sign beyond the obvious "Are you fucking kidding me?" reaction it should have provoked from anyone in the bar who was still sober enough to comprehend it:

1. The handwriting.  Are you 6 years old?  Why does the first "I" look like something from Sesame Street, while the second "I" looks like a cause awareness ribbon?  Where is the graphic consistency? Did you mistake the chalkboard for a Lisa Frank binder? Why is it half-cursive, half-printing?  What is up with your schizophrenic penmanship?
2. The heart. I just ... have no idea why or how this heart is relevant. Is it saying, "I love you, noney, that's why I beat you up"? Are you filling extra space with the heart?  Are you "heart"-ing beer or domestic violence or your own assumption that you are extremely witty? This smacks of a bizarre and misguided Valentine's card you wrote because the teacher made you give one to every kid in your class.
3. The lack of a colon.  If you're going to make a terrible joke, know this: Colons are necessary when you are about to further elucidate a statement made in the initial clause. The end.
4. The (other) message. Domestic beer is fucking gross. OK, yes, I love microbrews like Firestone and Anchor Steam and what have you, but all I think of when I hear "domestic beer" is Coors and Bud and PBR and all other forms of urine masquerading as alcohol that men with back hair consume by the quart. 

At any rate, the offending bartender has been indefinitely suspended without pay, so at least there is some justice in the world. Maybe in the interim she can seek alternative employment as an assistant to Glenn Beck.  And if she does come back, I'll just throw my next drink in her face.