Fosters Recap: The Fosters Face the Great Outdoors - and a LOT of Secrets

It’s big family bonding camping trip time! Since the gang’s been a little disconnected lately, Stef and Lena decide to go on a minimal-electronics outdoor excursion, though even before they leave it looks like some dirty laundry may haunt their scenic jaunt. Namely, Jesus’ clingy girlfriend Hayley, who tries to get him to ditch the camping in order to have some naked hang out time with her while her mom’s out of town. Jesus is starting to seem a little apprehensive about Hayley, even though that totally goes against the eternal love he plastered on his ribcage when he got a tattoo of her name. Oh, to be 15 again and forced to face our unshakably terrible choices!

Before abandoning the world for a weekend, the family sets off some subplots we're going to want to watch out for. A) Stef thinks Lena has to stop being "nice mom" all the time and crack down a little more, B) Even though Brandon is with Lou, he's clearly still uncomfortable around Callie, and C) There's a completely random moment that involves Lena twerking, but we definitely have to mention it. 

Not everyone gets to have camping fun this week, and Anna and Mike head to the doctor and learn the sex of Anna's baby. We still don't know if Mike's the father, but Jesus does divulge to Lena that he knows about the baby after sneaking in on Anna's meeting. Lena (and Hayley) are now the only people Jesus has told, and she decides he needs consequences for sneaking in on the meeting (no more Mrs. Nice Mom!). She tells Jesus he needs to tell Stef too, and probably act like he told her first so it makes Stef feel good about being the one Jesus went to first. Okay, so kinda no more Mrs. Nice Mom. Mrs. Trying To Be Slightly Less Nice Mom. Also, everyone, in case you were worried Mariana doesn't have a subplot this week, she totally does and it involves "Glamping." Just check out her wilderness swag!

Who can't camp without a little drama? Jude discovers Jesus' tattoo, which he's really struggling to cover up while swimming. Even worse than the tattoo is the arrival of Actual Hayley somewhere on the campgrounds, who insists he come find her. Before Hayley comes along to ruin everything, however, the group gets in a round of swimming in during which Callie insists Jude stay in the shallow end, much to his chagrin (though whether he can't swim or Callie is being overprotective remains to be seen. And really isn't the most important thing happening in this episode.) Lena tells Stef about Anna's pregnancy, and Stef is immediately hung up on whether or not Mike's the father. But really, is any subplot this week worse than Hayley? Jesus is actually about to tell her to go home, but just then Lena takes away their phones, meaning we're going to be stuck with Horrible Hayley for a while. 

Fosters Family Sing-Along time! Callie's rendition of "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain," complete with rousing interjections by Stef and Lena hits a little too close to home for Jesus who is still trying to avoid Hayley. Brandon is handed the guitar and asked to play "the song he wrote for Lou," which is actually "the song he wrote for Callie," and it is revealed to his moms that he and Lou are dating, which throws a small wrench in his plan to tour with the band.

That night, Jesus goes off to find Hayley, Brandon goes off to find Jesus, and before anyone finds either of them Hayley finds Stef and Lena. They decide that Hayley will stay with the group until her mother comes home, meaning everyone has to suffer. The good news is, Hayley and Mariana bond, and Hayley even decides to join Mariana's rogue dancing group with Tia. So maybe there is a bright side to this terrible teen! 

In awkward tangent news, when Callie accidentally screws up trying to help Brandon start a fire, he makes a comment that insults all her life choices ("Of course you'd throw gasoline on a fire!"). Things go even worse for Callie when she tries once again to monitor Jude's swimming and it turns out he can swim, it's just that Callie's being too protective. Jude's sick of being treated like a baby, and believes that if Callie stops treating him like one maybe others will too. Callie then finally confronts her relationship with Brandon once again, admitting that things are weird between them. Brandon admits that he doesn't want to kiss Lou in front of Callie because it might her hurt, but she can totally handle Brandon's PDA and the two decide to be open with each other and accepting of their other relationships. Are we finally putting Brallie to rest? Has the time come?! (Answer: probably not.)

While rehearsing their new dance routine, Hayley tells Mariana she'll be there for her during all the drama with Anna's new baby. Oh wait, Mariana didn't know Anna was pregnant and blows up at him for keeping it a secret in front of Stef and Lena. And since it's time for secrets to come out, Mariana also tells them about Jesus' tattoo. Of course they're epically upset about the tattoo, but then the conversation escalates into Lena telling Stef that her reactions sometimes intimidate the children. This hurts Stef, but Lena also admits that she's too soft too. They need to find a middle ground that will help the kids feel comfortable while also maintaining a strong parent/child relationship that means disciplinary actions must be taken. But more importantly than reaching an understanding during that argument is Jesus finally breaking up with Hayley. Even worse, Hayley passionately quits Mariana's dance team. Hayley, you ruined all that lay in your path and we will not miss you. 

Mariana's less crushed about the break up of her brother and friend and more disturbed about Anna's pregnancy, which she cries about to a trying-to-be-softer Stef. She blames herself for Anna being in their lives and is worried they'll never be able to get rid of her, and also that she might do drugs again and won't be able to take care of a baby. Speaking of Anna, back at Mike's house, Anna confronts a previous proposal by Mike to move in with her. She's decided to turn down the proposal because - here it is, folks - Mike's not the baby's father and they're just friends, so it's not his responsibility. Well, at least that's out of the way! And now that the major drama has subsided, the Adams Fosters are free to finish their camping trip in relative peace. Yay for happy family fun! It will not last, but we shall enjoy it while it briefly lingers!