7 Ways to Help Family & Friends Become Better Allies
"Embrace and be supportive." This is the age-old advice that we have given allies since the dawn of gaykind. But how? After a mom says, "I support you and love you for who you are," what else is she supposed to do? Because being a good ally might not be as intuitive as we think, we sometimes have to help and teach others to be the best allies they can be.
So here are 7 ways you can help your family and friends become better LGBTQ+ allies.
Explain terminology
Often times, it’s tough for allies to be supportive because they’re too confused with what every word means. Queer people have their own, idiosyncratic lexicon. What’s the difference between genderqueer, gender non-binary, and agender? How do bisexual and pansexual differ? What’s the difference between queer and gay? Explain all this to them. Unsure yourself? Google!
Provide them links to articles
When I find something online that accurately explains or portrays a certain section of the queer identity/community that I think is important for everyone — including all allies — to know, I send it to my friends and family. I tell them to read it. Good allies will do just that.
Keep them in the loop with current, hot-button issues
What nonsense is Trump doing now? What has happened with the trans military ban in the court? What’s the LGBTQ+ stance of Trump’s newest appointment to his administration?
Detail the struggles currently within the LGBTQ+ community
Don't only let them know about the ways the LGBTQ+ community is being attacked from the outside, also let them know about some of the struggles that are currently within the community itself. While it may not sound ideal to "air out our dirty laundry," so to speak, I think it’s necessary for allies to know about some of the in-fighting that occurs within members of the queer community.
Share your experiences with them
In addition to telling them about large issues that plague the LGBTQ+ community, tell them about your own personal experiences. This will help them have a better understanding of some of the struggles, you, as an individual, face.
Provide an intersectional approach to all LGBTQ+ causes
Explain to them why it’s important that they support trans rights, even though you’re a gay man. Tell them how often people of color are left out of the conversation surrounding LGBTQ+ rights. Help them to understand how various identities intersect with one another.
Let them know the best way they can support you
A lot of what I mentioned is about how to become a more knowledgeable and supportive ally to the greater LGBTQ+ community. But you are also an individual who has different needs. Let them know the best way to support you. Do you feel more embraced when your mom asks you are you dating any guys? Or would you prefer she stay off the topic of dating. Do you like when your dad brings up his gay son all the time or is that annoying to you? They won’t know unless you tell them exactly the best ways that they can be supportive of you.
