10 Things I've Learned From Being Bisexual on Tinder

I would imagine that Tinder is an interesting place for everyone, regardless of sexuality. The sheer concept of swiping left or right based almost solely on initial attraction is pretty weird, but add being bisexual to the situation and it gets even stranger.

After resisting getting a Tinder for oh-so long, I finally gave in this summer. Now, five months later, I'm sharing with you what I've learned in this awkward, judgmental journey:

1. Mirror pics are the worst, and everyone has them.

Seriously. Why is that still a thing? I know you have a smart phone—you're on Tinder. Are there any smartphones out there that don't have front-facing cameras?

Come on, friend. Get it together.

2. I don't want to be the "adventurous third" in your relationship.

Meeting one person on Tinder is nerve-wracking enough. You really think I want to go for two?

Also, what a terrible way to try to get yourself a threesome. If you and your partner want to try to find a third, you go for it. You do you, boo. But don't try to combine your names and photos into one Tinder profile like your freakin' Brangelina.

3. "Men and Women" means "Mostly Men"

Blame it on my current location in suburban Colorado, but it seems to me that I have about 10 men for every one woman on here. Not ideal.

Plus, even when I'm on the "Only Women" option, dudes still pop up here and there. What's that about, Tinder? Why don't you want me to find lady love?

4. We all hate messaging first

So far, I have accrued 26 matches, split roughly 50/50 with men and women. Take a wild guess how many of those have resulted in actual conversation?

Four. And one of those matches was a girl I already knew from high school and had previously flirted with, so of course we were going to match and talk it up.

None of us like reaching out to strangers. That shit is terrifying. Especially when it's in a potentially romantic situation.

Who run the world? Fear of rejection.

5. Everyone is cuter with a dog

That's just fact. I don't care about your gender identity, age, etc; you'll be 10X more irresistable with a dog or puppy in your lap. It's science.

6. Being funny is always the best option

Number of times I've swiped right on someone with moody lighting, brooding eyes, and an obvious pout: 0

Number of times I've swiped right on someone whose photo was of them in a cape in front of Denver Comic Con and whose bio included a hilarious Parks and Rec reference: 9

7. Being outed by Tinder is awkward as hell, especially when you know the person.

Picture it: You're relaxing in bed marathoning Gilmore Girls, casually swiping, when suddenly—Oh my god. Is that Emily from high school? She's into girls? Wow. Who knew?

Wait. Now she knows I'm into girls, too. But I was never really into her—But maybe she secretly had a thing for me? No. Should I go for it? What if she swiped right on me? We did eat lunch together that one time ... maybe she—Fuck it. I'll swipe right...

Oh. No match. That's fine. I see how it is.

8. To humans of all genders: Nobody cares about your "Moments"

Hell, I don't even know what that option is about. Is is like a Snapchat Story for people you've never met and most likely never will? Wow. Cool. Totally wanted that option...

9. People who don't adhere to a gender binary are screwed

Being bi on Tinder means the best I can do is choose "Men and Women" in my Discovery Preferences. What about people who don't identify as a man or a woman?

Dear Tinder: Gender isn't a binary, and we need more options pronto.

10. As Chris Evans' nephew puts it: "I don't wike it."

Tinder may work for now, but there's got to be something better for bi folks out there.

Any tips? Feel free to leave some in the comments. I could use a hand.