I am a proud bisexual woman, but, man, it's hard to date when I say it out loud. I’d say I’m a Kinsey 5 or, as I like to say, a lesbian who gets “maniesia," which is like amnesia, but with men. Like, I forget I’m gay for a bit until they whip it out.
But thanks to the many people who refuse to date me unless I agree to identify as single-sex-orientated (“At least while you’re dating me, please"), I am launching a one-woman attack on biphobia. Let's start with smashing these five ridiculous reasons people use to avoid dating bi folks.
1. We’re Dirty
Because we sleep with both sexes, we’re covered in germs. Obviously. Lesbians don’t understand the concept of a penis and men (after an initial threesome fantasy followed by crippling insecurities) get all squeamish about their girl touching another woman.
People assume we’ll contract and spread STDs, but just because we like both sexes doesn't mean we’re dating more often. Just like all gay men aren’t running around on Grindr every weekend and all lesbians don’t own five cats, bisexuals aren’t spending their weekends trying to beat some sort of promiscuity record.
We care just as much about our health as anyone else. And, we know how to use both dental dams AND condoms. So, we may be better equipped than the single-sex oriented. A double threat.
2. We’re Unfaithful
Since we like both sexes, surely one won’t be able to keep us happy forever, right? Please. We're more interested in our crush's personality and our compatibility. Their sex is a secondary factor.
Personally, I look for the same things in everyone I date – quirky, funny and impossibly cool. These three traits are rarely found together in a man but a dangerous mix if possessed by a woman. And that person can prepare themselves for my trademark form of seduction – stuttering, intermittent mumbling and looking at my phone until they go away.
OK, I said I was bisexual. I didn’t say I was good at it.
3. We’re Confused/Greedy
Bisexuality is not confusion. If I’m with a woman it doesn’t stop me from fancying Johnny Depp. One more time – I am bisexual. Take it or leave it, but I get to tell YOU what sexuality I am, not the other way around.
As for greedy, the amount a person dates is a personal choice. Calling a bisexual greedy is as valid as saying a biracial person is a crossbreed. We were born this way, and it rocks. End of story.
4. We’ll Leave
“I would never date a bisexual” A lesbian said to me once and, after much questioning, she finally used the phrase we're all pretty sure is the root of many biphobic prejudices.
“Why would I invest emotionally in someone when I don’t have something that they could want?”
And there it is. Biphobia isn’t about us, it’s about you. If you aren’t confident enough to know damn well that you’re giving us everything we need, then you aren’t what we want anyway. If a woman I was dating constantly banged on about the fact that I was about to leave her for a penis, I’d be suggesting she gets a serious self-esteem check on her way out of my life.
5. We Want Group Sex
Urgh. I mean if you’re into that then fine, go find your bliss, but none of the bisexuals I know have a craving for constant orgies. If you know what you’re doing, we don’t need both types of genitals to keep us satisfied .
So instead of seeing bisexuality as a transition, just accept it’s a sexuality that is different from yours and stop trying to get us to pick a side! We’re far too busy being #BiFabulous to be dealing with your ignorance and/or judgemental glares.