6 Takeaways From Your First Same-Sex Relationship

While many of us dated before we came out, there’s something special about your first relationship — once you shut the closet door behind you. It’s intense. It’s empowering. It’s emotional. It’s one of the most important experiences of your life.

Here are some takeaways from your first same-sex relationship you'll never forget.

1. How exhilarating it felt to be seen, in public, with your partner.
You started exploring same-sex attractions in chat rooms. Slowly, the attraction left the virtual world into the real one, as you started frequenting queer clubs. Finally, you made it to a relationship. You reached the final frontier. Out, in public, in daylight, with your girlfriend or boyfriend. (Partner is great and inclusive, but sometimes you want to say the gender of your partner. You’re a man who likes men and wants to proudly say you have a boyfriend.) It’s no longer a fantasy. It’s no longer limited to the internet or dark clubs. You’re really doing this, and you don’t think your heart will ever stop beating this quickly again.

2. How good it felt to be yourself.
No hiding. No lies. Just being who you are and feeling free to like, say, and do what comes naturally to you. Without judgment. Without fear.

3. How good it felt to be fully accepted.
Not only could you be yourself, you were accepted for being yourself. He loved you for the real you.

4. How good it felt to be understood.
“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.” – George Orwell. Being with someone who knows what it’s like to be queer, and has been through a similar experience, can make you feel bonded in a way that you’ve never felt before.

5. How terrifying it was introducing her/him to your parents.
But how proud you both were after introducing him/her — regardless of your parents’ response. You were open. You were brave. You came to love yourself enough that you felt comfortable telling your parents. That’s an incredible feat.

6. How hopeful the future seemed
We’ve all experienced homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and a number of other forms of queerphobia at points in our lives. Some of us, much worse than others. But when we started dating our first partner once completely out, the future didn’t seem so dreary. We remembered the reason why we put up with the ignorance and hatred: to experience love.