This economy is killing me. I can’t watch the news without thinking that I should be throwing what’s left of my 401K under my mattress. The numbers that are being thrown around for bailouts and Ponzi-scheme losses are astounding. Come to think of it, the numbers being thrown around for all these NFL off-season trades and signings have a crazy amount of zeros behind them also.
Is there anyone besides me that’s thinking they should make some extra cash?
Apparently so…
Brett Farve just sold his F150 Ford truck on Ebay for $35,300. The listing stated that he’d sign the dash if the buyer wanted an autograph. I’m guessing he gave the proceeds to charity and that he’s not desperate for the cash–just desperate for a retirement hobby.
It doesn’t end there.
Mixed martial arts fighter, Gina Carano sold her bra for $102.50 on Ebay. OK, it wasn’t Gina selling it -- some person called ‘grandpasdaughter’ -- but I thought it was worth mentioning, since she’s much nicer to look at than Bret, in a truck or in a bra.
Obviously still hauling around enough money to stay in great shape is 41-year-old Olympiad swimmer, Dara Torres. She just won the 50-meter freestyle at the Austin Grand Prix. It was her first competition since Beijing and the first chance to test out repairs from three separate operations: thumb, shoulder and knee. She swam the race in less than 25 seconds, blowing past the competition and easing any worries about her surgery recovery. Michel Phelps didn’t compete because he blew all his cash on pot.
It’s so good to be a role model for the young ones, isn’t it?
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Which brings me to my next topic—young athletes striving for excellence and making headlines.
First off is an 18-year-old basketball player from Aldine Nimitz High School, in Houston. Her name is Brittney Griner, and she’s amazing. At 6’8” she’s smooth, poised and relaxed and there’s one thing everyone keeps writing: “Simply put, she dunks just like a guy.” Not the occasional break-for-it dunk, but backboard-shaking, two-handed thumpers. This athlete can do it anywhere/anytime. Poised to change the face of women’s hoops, she’s going to Baylor University next year and will make more and more headlines.
The next young athlete is Kimberli Smith. When other tweens are texting during their 20th screening of Twilight, this 13-year-old is practicing martial arts. She’s the number one ranked under-17-practitioner of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in the country…boy or girl. She’s been fighting since she was five, and has already won herself a nickname, the Krossface Killer. Please have Showtime run a pay-per-view of her kicking the asses of all three Jonas brothers.
If you still want to bet your way through women’s college basketball, consider putting Oklahoma at the top. Their senior center, Courtney Paris, is confident that the Sooners are going to bring the National Championship back to where the wind blows freely…So confident that she’s put her whole college scholarship on the line. Even after a couple of days reflection and Connecticut finishing the season 30–0, she stands by her claim. That would cost her about $64,000, and since WNBA rookies make less than $45,000 that’s quite a wager. Her dad is former San Francisco ‘49er Bubba Paris, so hopefully she could get the difference from him…that is if she loses.
When everyone begins losing money on sports and stocks, it’s usually time for all the old timers to start talking about the good old days when candy cost a penny and everyone walked uphill both ways to school. There’s also talk of good, wholesome living and fresh clean air. From that part of the country and that mindset, I bring you my next topic.
Let me introduce you to the Unger sisters of New Hampshire.
These siblings compete in two New Hampshire pastimes: Beauty pageants and Woodsmen women competitions. As the Eagle Tribune stated about a recent practice, these two ladies, “Ripped a two-handled cross-cut saw through a log in subfreezing temperatures, their blond hair tossing and the sawdust flying.” Makes you wonder why that great American folk tale didn’t regale us about Paula Bunyan and “Babe the Black Lab.”
This week I leave you with a bit of ‘gayety’ that happened recently at a George Mason University men’s basketball game. The team has made it to the March Madness bracket and the school has made it into the headlines. GMU’s student body elected gay senior and budding drag queen, Ryan Allen, a.k.a. Reann Ballslee, as their 2009 Homecoming Queen. Wearing a green and gold gown that the theater department helped her create, Ms. Mason made her royal appearance at the halftime show.
Never Mind the Breeders: God Save the Queen.
