30 mistakes first-time bottoms make

Practice makes perfect!

If you've noticed a top shortage, you may or may not know that it's because bottoming is super fun, especially after you do it a couple of times.

That said, there's a lot involved when it comes to bottoming: preparation, practice, and being in the right mood, just to name a few. When it comes to sex, being ready is everything, which is why we've gone ahead and compiled 30 common mistakes that bottoms seem to make during their first time out.

Comparing yourself to others

Bottoms are a dime a dozen these days, and like we said above, there's a bit of a top shortage. The worst thing a first-time bottom can do is compare yourself to anybody else. There are going to be plenty of people more experienced than you, but even after you get some experience for yourself, you're always going to be able to offer something nobody else can. Remember that and go explore!

Forgetting a condom

Always bring one with you! You never know when a make out session will turn into sex.

Staying quiet and having no opinion

Even if you’re with someone experienced, you’re allowed to be vocal about what you want. Is there a fantasy you want to safely try? A position you think looks stellar? Don’t be afraid to speak up and take control when the time feels right.

Being overly confident

On the flip side of not being confident enough, don’t oversell yourself at the same time. It’s okay if you’ve never done this before. Whoever you’re with is much more likely to be upset that you oversold it than if you were upfront about being new.

Or knocking on dental dams

Dental dams are a great way to make rimming safe and clean. The best part? Avoid the messy parts of oral sex when going down on him. You can even cut a condom horizontal to make your own, if you so choose!

Shaming

A lot of times, people struggle with bottoming because of shame. They think it makes them “less than” or “sissy” or [enter stigma here.] We don’t slut shame or body shame around here, so you shouldn’t be hard on yourself! There’s a reason the bulk of gay men love to bottom, so don’t be afraid to figure out why!

Assuming sex is like porn

Porn is a fantastical representation of sex; it isn't real. Does it feel realistic? If it's good porn, yes, but it just doesn't quite represent what sex is actually like if you're gay. So walk into sex with an open mind.

Rushing to bottom

Bottoming is fun, but it's easy to strain yourself if you're too eager to start bottoming. Take things slow with your partner, explain that you're new, and don't be afraid to speak up if you're not ready to try something new.

Not enjoying the experience

If you get too far into your head, you’re not going to let yourself enjoy the experience. Just like pushing yourself or rushing, always remember to take a breath and relax.

Not lubing up properly

Q: How much lube do you need?

A: More than you think. Lather it up, and use lubed condoms. When it comes to sex, less isn't more.

Not understanding your own boundaries

There's all sorts of tops out there, and that means some tops might be too fast for your preference. Understanding and knowing your boundaries is an important part of sex, because it gives you the opportunity to know how you like to have sex. And how you don't.

Or failing to communicate them

It's not enough to simply understand how you feel. You have to be able to express it to your partner, too, which can be hard in its own right. Learn how to talk to your partner about your boundaries, and things will go smoothly in bed.

Skipping straight to sex

You need to get him in the mood! Whether it's kissing or intense foreplay, don't just start having sex as soon as you get into the bedroom. Both of you need to get ready and set for the mood.

Using too much teeth

If you're still learning how to give a great blow job, remember: it's all in the mouth and tongue! Don't use your teeth when you're first learning, it won't feel nice for your partner.

Feeling pressured to be "good" at anal

It's your first time! No need to feel like you have to be "good" or "great" at receiving. Just go with the flow and let your partner know if you're feeling alright (or not-so-alright).

Or feeling pressured to do anal at all

Don't feel pressured to do anal if you don't want to. Your body, your rules. Bussy might just not be your cup of tea, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Not cleaning up properly

It's very, very important that you're nice and clean downstairs for your partner. Whether it's washing up your front or making sure your rear is nice and ready for play, a clean body is a happy and healthy body for sex.

Not preparing for sex beforehand

Before jumping into anal, a bottom needs to be prepped and ready to go. That usually means fingering himself beforehand, or using toys to stimulate his rear. Make sure to play around down there with sex toys beforehand. And if you're unsure what to use, check out our top 20 sex toys list for gay men!

Stressing yourself out

There's a lot of reasons why it's bad to stress yourself out before sex. The biggest? You can cause your anal muscles to tighten up, which can make sex impossible or painful. Remember to get in the moment, relax, and tell your partner if you just aren't ready yet.

Not knowing that there are different ways to bottom

You can be a power bottom, for instance! Or mix up a passive and active role. The choice is yours; don't limit yourself!

And that there's different ways to top

Some tops are aggressive, others are passive. Some like to be playful, some are a little bit kinkier. There's all sorts of different ways to top; don't be afraid to experiment with your partner a bit!

Slacking at the gym

It's important to stay physically fit! Why? So you have the strength and stamina to have sex. Don't forget to hit up the gym or go for runs regularly.

Kissing like a dead fish

It's important to kiss your partner back when they're kissing you. Pay attention to the signals they give: usually, they're cluing you into what they want you to do, whether that's sucking on their tongue or give a little lip action.

Trying a bit too hard

If it's your first time kissing, let him lead. He'll show you what to do and how to kiss him right.

Idolizing "the perfect top"

There's no such thing as a "perfect" top. Every person has flaws to their personality. That's what makes us human. Instead of honing in on whether a person is "ideal" or not, celebrate what you like about them: especially if you're in a relationship.

Or assuming your top is rugged

We're all still learning, and chances are your top also hasn't done and experienced everything under the sun. Make sure not to hold him to standards that are simply unrealistic.

Feeling unconfident

At the end of the day, sex isn't about "being good" or "performing" for someone. It's about a deep, nurturing relationship between partners. So feel confident in yourself, and don't focus on whether you're doing "good" or "bad." Just be you!

Assuming there's too many fish in the sea

Bottoms are, traditionally, in high supply in the gay community. But just because there's more bottoms than tops doesn't mean you won't find a top. "Bottoms" and "tops" are just easy ways to think about gay sex, they don't reveal the realities behind sexuality. Fact of the matter is, you're likely to find a partner just by trying for dates or hanging out at gay bars (whichever floats your boat between the two, that is). Don't be hard on yourself!

Taking sex a bit too seriously

Sex is funny, awkward, and silly. Remember not to take sex too seriously. It's all fun in the end!

Pushing yourself too hard

Go easy, go slow, and remember: everyone starts from the bottom and works their way up. You've got this.