Common power bottom myths you probably believe, explained by an LGBTQ+ sex expert

Power bottoms for the win!

In the world of gay sex, there are usually four different sexual positions that come into the mix: The top, or the penetrator, the bottom, or the penetratee, the versatile who likes it both ways, or the side who doesn't enjoy giving or receiving.

But that’s not all, there are also subgroups, like power tops and power bottoms. “Power bottoms” may love being on the receiving end of the penetration, but that doesn’t mean they want to give up control.

But because they are bottoms, they still face a lot of stigma and shame heaped on them by haters (who are often straight and closeted tops, but that’s neither here nor there).

You may have heard the term “power bottom,” but you aren’t exactly sure what it is, so we talked to an LGBTQ+ sexual health expert to explain what a power bottom is and debunk some of the most common myths about the sexual role.

What is a "power bottom"?

First of all, let’s just get the definition of a power bottom out of the way. It isn’t the same thing as being a “pillow princess,” or just lying back and receiving pleasure. It’s the total opposite, actually. Power bottoms like to run the show, and just because they’re on the receiving end of the penetration doesn’t mean they’ll just lie around and take it. They control the tempo, the depth, the positions, the vocals, and everything else.

“For some, it’s about sexual stamina and expertise (there’s no such thing as too deep, too fast, or too hard) or being unapologetically promiscuous,” Dr. Evan Goldstein, the leading anal health expert in the United States, tells PRIDE.

“For others, it’s about taking charge while being penetrated. In other words: just because you’re the bottom, doesn’t mean you have to let the top dictate the session. The beauty is that it’s fluid, and each person shapes what the term means for themselves,” he says.

Here are a few facts and myths associated with the role.

Fact: Being a power bottom is, well, empowering

Bottoms are on the receiving end (no pun intended) of a lot of stigma and shame, particularly by those who haven’t been fortunate enough to understand the power of anal pleasure. Being a power bottom equates to having control and owning who you are, despite the shame and negativity you may face from others.

"Bottoming still gets tied up in all these outdated ideas of weakness or submission," Dr. Goldstein explains. "The assumption is: if you’re the one taking it, you must not be in control. But that couldn’t be further from the truth."

But being a power bottom can also be incredibly empowering because it allows you to lead without having to be dominant. "The whole point is that it flips the narrative. It’s about saying, 'I know what gets me off, and I’m going to drive this in a way that ensures that.' Setting the pace, choosing the positions, controlling the rhythm – that’s all incredibly empowering," he says. "Openly communicating with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t should dial up the heat, not kill the mood. And honestly? It’s hot as fuck."

Myth: Power bottoms are considered weak or feminine

Believe it or not, not every bottom is wildly flamboyant, and not every top is extremely masculine. There are a whole lot of in-betweens that make up the space and spectrum of being queer, and being a power bottom doesn’t automatically determine the masculinity or femininity of the individual. As with other areas of sex, the role is just a preference and doesn’t define anything else about the person.

"You can be femme and a power bottom. You can be masc and a power bottom. You can role-play weakness and still be running the entire show. None of those things cancel each other out," Dr. Goldstein says. "Labels like 'weak' or 'femme' get thrown around as if they’re insults, when in reality, they’re just different ways of expressing yourself, and sometimes that means power. And the best part is that these can evolve depending on your partner, the scene, or honestly even your mood. You might want slow, sensual sex one night, and rough, role-playing sex another. Don’t limit yourself."

Fact: The term traces back several decades

We may be hearing more about “power bottoms” these days, but the term isn’t exactly something new. In fact, some records show it might have been in use as early as the late 20th century, though the arrival of the Internet and the uptick in queer platforms in the early 2000s brought the term into a more popular and publicized light.

Myth: It is strictly a gay term

Hear me out here for a second, because, yes: This term is predominantly used in gay communities, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it only belongs to them. Considering what a power bottom is — someone who is in control of the intimate experience they’re undertaking — those who identify as such usually have deeper emotional or psychological needs that need to be expressed. In essence, it is basically used to describe someone who maintains their assertive and dominant behavior while being in the receptive role.

"The roots are definitely in gay culture, but like most sexual language, it’s expanding," Dr. Goldstein explains. "The concept of being the receptive partner while calling the shots doesn’t only belong to gay men. It’s like when Gilded Age's Morgan Spector spoke with GQ and said, 'Straight guys can't bottom?' All these labels and notions about what you can and can’t do in the bedroom does more harm than good because it can prevent some people from enjoying the best sex of their lives, which, in the end (no pun intended), is denying them pleasure."

Fact: Being a bottom does not automatically make you a power bottom

Power bottoms are usually in a class all of their own. They tend to come with an appetite for a lot of dick and can last for hours and hours or have multiple different sessions across the day. They are usually ready at any given time of the day and like to skip the foreplay just to get down to business. This is not automatically true for everyone who takes on the bottom role. As with anything, communication is an important factor here, but if you’re a top interested in a cute bottom, don’t automatically assume he’s a power.

"Think of it like a spectrum. A bottom can be a power bottom, and a power bottom is still a bottom," Dr. Goldstein says. "The difference lies in how you show up. Some people are power bottoms every time they play, regardless of the scene, their mood, or their partner. Others save it for the right partner or the right night. I think for some, it’s not so much a separate identity but rather a skillset and an energy you can bring into the bedroom."

Myth: Power bottoms are slutty

First of all, let’s be honest, this same thing can be said about most gay men, regardless of the role you take in the bedroom. That said, just because someone identifies as a power bottom doesn’t mean they’re just going to have sex with anything and everything. The identity isn’t as much about how many different partners you can have in a day as it is simply having the ability to stay ready at the drop of a hat. Power bottoms actually come with a high degree of self-esteem or self-worth because they totally own everything about who they are.

"Promiscuity and being a power bottom don’t automatically go together," he says. "You can be in a monogamous relationship, only have sex once in a while, and still be a power bottom every single time. It’s about how you approach sex, not how many partners you have or how often you have sex."

Fact: Being a power bottom is a mindset

One does not just enter into the world as a power bottom, even if you had the best sexual experience of your life the first time you were on the receiving end. It takes a lot of mental stamina, sometimes years of development, and it really doesn’t have anything to do with the top. Power bottoms have spent the time learning about digestive health and know the ins and outs of douching better than anybody, and it takes determination and will to be able to pull that off on a consistent basis.

"It’s absolutely a mindset and an art form," Dr. Goldstein explains. "Just like bottoming in general, it takes practice, awareness, and skill. You’ve got to understand your body, learn how to control your muscles, figure out what feels good, and then bring that into play with your partner."

Myth: Power bottoms don't feel pain

Whether you’ve ever taken on the bottom role or not, it’s pretty common knowledge that it hurts, especially the first time. An issue a lot of tops find themselves subscribing to is thinking that power bottoms don’t feel any pain, just because they do it all the time. Tops, let that go. You cannot just shove it in without any lube or stimulation. You can’t immediately start to jackhammer them and not expect them to feel anything. Regardless of how often they do it, power bottoms still need a little time to open up before they can go all in, so just explore respectfully.

"People imagine power bottoms as these mythical creatures who can take endless dick without flinching. For some, sure, but the reality is more nuanced," according to Dr. Goldstein. "Power bottoming isn’t about tolerating pain; it’s about mastering being the receptive partner. Most power bottoms I see are more advanced in their skill set. They know their anatomy, they’ve trained with tools, and they’ve conditioned their muscles and skin to open comfortably and withstand pressure. That doesn’t mean they don’t feel pain; it means they’ve learned how to minimize it and maximize pleasure."