This week’s episode of Glee, entitled “I Kissed a Girl,” was more lez than Lilith Fair, and that’s not a bad thing! The only thing missing was a “Power of Two” / “Nothing Compares to You” mash-up.

For those who are just catching up last week’s episode had Finn, the object of so many pointedly nasty – but funny—Santana one-liners, outing Lima’s hottest lesbian Cheerio ever in the halls of McKinley High. The Santana-is-a-lesbian rumor turned out to be a tasty nugget that inspired at least one student to pass it along to her uncle who’s running of office, to use the info in an attack ad against Sue Sylvester. Kurt’s dad, who’s also running against Sue, got a his hands on a copy of the ad and warned Santana, Mr. Schue, Principal Figgins and Sue that she’d be publicly outed, sending Santana into a spiral during which she and Mercedes delivered a KILLER Adele mash-up followed by Santana slapping the crap out of Finn.

Ep. 3.7: “I Kissed a Girl"

The most lesbian episode in the history of television – and that includes the black out episode of The L Wordand Ashley and Spencer’s first time on South of Nowhere – kicked off with Santana in Figgins’ office receiving a lecture about the school’s zero tolerance physical violence policy.

“I didn’t do it,” Santana says, weaving a tale about he evil alter ego Snicks, whom she says takes over her body. “I’m like the Incredible Hulk,” she adds. Come to think of it, this dual Santana storyline is something Glee could totally investigate, not unlike Buffy’s evil Willow or Samantha’s evil cousin on Bewitched.

Santana argues that if she’s suspended for two weeks as Figgins is suggesting, she won’t be able to perform at sectionals. Just then a nefarious plan begins to take root in Finn’s brain"

“She didn’t slap me,” he says, explaining that it was merely a “stage slap."

Once she’s off the hook from suspension -- smelling a big rat -- Santana grills Finn on just what his angle is with lying on her behalf. Finn lets on that he wants sectionals to be a fair fight between New Directions and the Troubletones but then delivers a speech about how he thinks she’s “awesome” and it’s generally sad that she doesn’t feel as though she can be herself in the world. He then reveals that he’s got an idea to get all of the Troubletones back to the glee club for a lesson, before basically blackmailing her by suggesting she can come back to glee club or she can take the suspension. Later, we’re supposed to embrace that Finn’s a nice guy but I’m not seeing it, even if his idea does lead to a totally lesbian episode.

Cut to Finn at the glee club white board. “This week the Troubletones and New Directions will both be singing music created by ladies and for ladies,” he says, dubbing it “Lady Music Week” -- or what I like to call the past 15 years of my life.

“Oh hell no,” Santana responds, and we just know she’s going to need some nudging.

Finn begins another mini speech, prompting me to wonder who the hell pronounced him the de facto Howard Bragman of McKinley high, helping classmates come out publicly.

“Santana we’re worried about you,” he says.

“Worry about yourself fetus face,” she replies without hesitation.

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“Glee’s about learning how to accept yourself for who you are no matter what other people think, and that’s what this music is all about,” he says. “Everyone in this room knows about you and Brittany and we don’t judge for you for it. We celebrate it,” Finn says. Meanwhile, Brittany’s hand has made it over to Santana’s chair in a mini public display of affection that induces the first “awwws” of the episode. But heads up because the second “awwws” are just a beat away.

Finn continues to openly discuss Santana’s sexuality, even if she isn’t down for it. He introduces Blaine and Kurt who’ve volunteered to kick off “Lady’s Music Week” with none other that P!nk’s power ballad “Fu**ing Perfect."

While the “aws” are likely emanating from couches around the country Santana remains outwardly unmoved.

“Thank you guys. Thank you Finn, especially,” she says smiling. “You know, with all the horrible crap I’ve been through in my life, now I get to add that.” And well, that’s just unfair. Just because Finn fancies himself a Hollywood publicist responsible for helping the likes of Chaz Bono, Chely Wright and Meredith Baxter navigate being out, Kurt and Blaine really don’t deserve her ire.

Thank the editing gods for the next wonderful juxtaposition from Santana to Jane Lynch’s Sue writing in her journal, wondering why her opponent Reggie “the Sauce” Salazar (better known as Herman Cain), or anyone for that matter, would assume she’s a lesbian. Insert hilarious irony here...

“Why would anyone assume I’m a friend of Ellen? Just because I’m mannish and highly aggressive and have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls’ sport and I married myself…” Sue queries. “It just doesn’t make sense. The truth is I’m attracted to men.” Then Sue turns to her little black book of male hook-ups to find the perfect man who’ll help stem the tide of lesbo rumors by making a few well-orchestrated public appearances with her.

Next up, “Lady Music Week” continues with Puck paying homage to one of the Grand Dames of “lady music,” Melissa Etheridge! Puck, who sports and arguably lesbian hairdo circa 1989 is in great form on Melissa’s mega-hit “I’m The Only One.”

“That’s for you Santana. I know it’s just part of a phase but I’m happy to oblige,” Puck says, skirting the truth that the song was really for Miss Shelby Corcoran.

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Later, Santana’s checking out her perfection in the mirror on her locker door when a smug Finn asks what she thinks of the week’s assignment.

“Do you realize you’re basically forcing me out of the flannel closet?” Santana asks. But Finn reminds her that it’s the Salazar’s political ad that’s forcing her out of the closet. Salazar wouldn’t have known Santana was a lesbian if Finn hadn’t shouted it through the hallowed halls of McKinley, but that’s a detail he conveniently forgets. Finn goes on to say he’s worried she might kill herself if she doesn’t deal with being gay and then references a gay suicide that occurred as a result of bullying.

“That’s never gonna happen. I’d miss myself too much,” Santana says, and I think it’s safe to say that we’d miss her too. Finn finally says that Santana means something to him and that he’d never be able to live with himself if something happened to her. It’s a nice sentiment but it’s still kinda all about him. Segue into Finn’s dialed-down version of Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” I know I’m supposed to be moved by the performance, since that’s clearly what Glee’s producers want, what with Santana letting her guard down when it’s over and all, but I just can’t get on board with the snooze-inducing number that makes no sense in this context.

Next, it’s on to the election for class president, and Kurt, Brittany and “the hockey guy” are in the running for office. Mercedes makes a mental note that she’s not voting for Brit because, “If Santana’s girlfriend wins I’ll never hear the end of it.” Meanwhile, Santana places a check next to Brit’s name and kisses the ballot before she stuffing the box.

Back to Sue’s storyline for a moment – after flipping through her black book she decides the best man to parade in front of the cameras would be the apple of Coach Bieste’s eye Cooter. Having spotted Sue and Cooter enjoying a romantic meal all for the Lima paparazzi at Breadsticks, Coach Bieste is reevaluating her approach to her man. She breaks into Dolly Parton’s classic the other woman tale “Jolene” while Sue and Cooter are posing for the cams in the school gym. I don’t need to expound on the beauty of Dot Marie Jones singing a Dolly tune to Jane Lynch about stealing her man.

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Later, Santana’s walking the gauntlet of the hallway that’s flanked by boys who can’t take their eyes off of her – more than usual that is.

“Saw the commercial –smokin,” the meathead captain of the rugby team says to Santana. “Girls like you are a challenge. You just need the right guy to straighten you out and I’m just the man to do it."

But before a somewhat taken aback Santana can pull it together to respond with a quip, Mercedes steps in and says, “Move your busted, creeper ass.” “Now!” Tina adds, with Rachel, Quinn and Brittany backing both of them up. There’s some standard dumbass dude repartee with jock boy calling them all lesbos but Rachel has the comeback for that.

“So what if we are? You don’t stand a chance either way,” Rachel says before they break into Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl.” Now, Katy Perry may have drawn the ire of many a dyed-in-the-wool gay girl when she released her ode to girl-on-girl experimentation in 2008, but kudos to Glee for taking on the song and sort of legitimizing the kissing a girl and liking it bit. While Rachel, Quinn, Tina, Mercedes sing the lyric it is most likely all about playful experimentation. But for Brittany, and especially for Santana, there’s a truth an authenticity in the line that goes beyond Katy Perry’s notion of getting tipsy and tonguing her lady friends.

Still, the song can’t happen in a vacuum, so cut to the Glee boys drooling over the likes of a Rachel / Quinn match-up, a Rachel / Mercedes match-up, a Tina and Quinn match-up… You get the picture. The boys are mesmerized, as are, presumably, gay and straight viewers on couches throughout the land.

On to the most upbeat yet awkwardly out-of-the-blue segue of he episode… Santana finishes bumping and grinding with her classmates to announce, “Update ya’ll, I told my parents last night and they were actually okay with it. I just have to tell my abuela before she sees that stupid commercial, but luckily she only watches Univision."

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Cut to Santana enjoying home cooked goodness at her abuela’s house. I can’t quite convey the music to the airs that is Santana speaking Spanish with my written word but – TRUST!

“I have to tell you a secret,” Santana begins, prompting her abuela to ask if she’s pregnant.

“Abuelita, I love girls the way that I’m supposed to feel about boys,” Santana says. “When I’m with Brittany I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love.” Cue up those audible “aws” again. Santana delivers a heartfelt speech about coming out.

“I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m just too tired. I have to just be me,” Santana continues. But Abuela is a tough old nut who’s not going to take the news of her granddaughter being into girls lightly.

“Everyone has secrets Santana. They’re called secrets for a reason,” Abuela says. “I want you to leave this house. I don’t ever want to see you again.” She goes on to say, “The sin isn’t in the thing, it’s in the scandal when people talk about it out loud."

Santana breaks down crying in light of her grandmother’s rejection but something tells me Abuela doth protest too much and that she may have some secrets of her own. Just a guess!

The next day at glee Mr. Schue and Miss Corcoran congratulate the group for working together so well on their “Lady Music” assignment, and Kurt congratulates Brittany on her class president win. Of course, the win did not come without it’s drama since the ballot box was stuffed in Kurt’s favor, which we later discover was Rachel trying to help her best gay out, since his New York Academy of Dramatic Arts application rests on his extracurricular success.

“You’re still the most unicorn of them all,” Brittany says, hugging her former opponent.

Aptly, Mr. Schue invites Santana to bring it home for “Lady Music” week.

“So I picked a song that gives me strength and gets me through, same way all of you do, Santana says. “The struggle continues but at least I know I’m not alone.” And then, the most amazing thing happens. Naya Rivera busts out with a killer interpretation of lesbian crooner k.d. Lang’s hit “Constant Craving.” If that weren’t enough to make a lezzie’s head explode, Idina Menzel takes the second verse.

While Santana has succeeded in facing her demons and coming out at the urging of a meddling Finn Hudson, Rachel arrives to announce she’s got some problems of her own. She relays to the glee club that, for stuffing the ballot box, there’ll be a black mark on her permanent record, she’ll be suspended for a week and she’s banned from performing at sectionals. It’s a good job Rachel’s played by Lea Michele, who can totally belt a showtune and a pop song. She doesn’t need a pristine record to get into NYADA!

Special thanks to Ryan Murphy and co. for this very special lesbian episode. 

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