With the daily doom and gloom report on the state of the economy sending otherwise rational folks and predisposed paranoid messes like me reaching for the old Xanax and Grey Goose combo just to get through an NPR report these days, what better way to forget your troubles and c'mon get happy than with a good dose of dish and trash talking?
First off, I offer an apology to those of you who are damned sick of me and this site waxing randy over Kate Winslet, but there really is no better escapism than Hollywood's ultimate solipsistic, self-congratulatory pat-on-the-ass fest, The Academy Awards. So for those naysayers who don't give a good damn if they hear another word about the Oscars, Winslet, Penelope Cruz and so on... like Dame Kate told Meryl Streep Sunday, "you have to just suck that up," at least for now, and I promise I'll shut my trap about the awards until next season.
After six noms -- the most for anyone her age -- Queen Kate of the Perpetual Nude Scene, landed her first Academy Award for honing a German accent and lobbing them out with a barely of-age actor in The Reader. And boy did she have a busy week before and after the awards.
Kate, who won over lesbians' hearts the world over as a slightly Sapphicly inclined, charming, if not homicidal, teen in Heavenly Creatures and went on to bare all in just about every film she's ever made -- including going nude and playing bisexual in Iris -- has vowed to cover up from here on out.
"I don't want to become 'that actress who always gets her kit off," Kate of the terrifically heaving cleavage told Time in a pre-Oscar interview. And that's just a shame. Other than pervy lezzies like me who've admired Kate for her acting chops and her assets in films including Titanic, Holy Smoke, Quills, Iris, Little Children and The Reader there a quite a few celebs who'll be affected by the news.
Among Kate's fans of her propensity for lobbing them out, there's Oprah, who went on about Kate's "real" boobs at length in an interview this past December. On her post-Oscar extravaganza Monday Oprah expressed dismay over Kate's vow to keep her clothes on. And then there's Big Gay Ellen Degeneres, who's so sly, especially with the straight girls, she came within an inch of an FCC nipple slip during a pre-Christmas interview with the hot Brit.
Finally, Best Actress winner, and a presenter Sunday, Halle Berry, said last November that she admires Kate for whipping them out time and time again. "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked," Halle, who actually did pare down to her bare necessities in Monster's Ball said. "She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that." And if you study Kate's Oscar speech - like the hot gay nerd that I am -- you'll see when she hugs all of the past winners that the lovely Halle hangs on just a tad longer than the rest. It's fleeting but oh so telling. But here's the video so you can judge for yourselves!
Congratulations are also in order for one Ms. Penelope Cruz, who landed the Best Supporting Actress win Sunday for playing a fiery, bisexual artist who has the pleasure of tonguing Scarlett Johansson in Woody Allen's Almodovar light, Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
By the time the past Best Supporting Actresses had finished their sycophantic introductions and Pretty Penny took to the podium to deliver her charming and heartfelt speech, my gay ass was already beginning to cry. When Milk screenwriter Dustin Lance Black delivered his call to young LGBT people everywhere in his speech, I was practically blubbering and spent for the night. Of course, I'd I already had a split of champagne and a glass of Rioja, which could have affected my ability to meter my emotions, but it was a grand ole Oscars celebration regardless.
It's not just the Winslet nabbing the love from her fellow hot-ass celebs. Penny has a fan or two of her own. Aside from the obvious Penny lover, Salma Hayek -- who broke collective hearts everywhere by marrying her Billionaire Baby Daddy on Valentine's Day -- Sandra Bullock recently did a little gushing over the gorgeous Spaniard.
Of Penny's breathaking turn in Elegy, Sandy B. told In Style, "It shouldn't be fair for a woman that beautiful to also be a brilliant actress." But Sandy didn't stop there. She added, "Look at her. She's smokin'" Agreed Sandy! You have spectacular taste in women.
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Finally, Pretty Penny and Nudist Colony Kate have been getting darned buddy buddy on the red carpet at the parties this awards' season. During a backstage, post-win paparazzi grab, Best Actor Winner for Milk, Sean Penn-- who gave a fabulous speech nicely lambasting all those nasty little Pro Prop 8ers --had the enviable position of posing between the two beauties. For one shot, the three sat on a bench, Sean in the middle with his arms on their shoulders and the two women holding hands across him. "I love it when they touch each other," he said. Touché Sean! You're a man after loads of lesbians' hearts.
For those of you who've stuck around through my big Oscar geek-out, thanks for indulging me. For just a moment I must move on to my fave gift that keeps on giving, The on the down-low Lush, the Lez, the Lohan. That's right, Lindsay Lohan is back! And this isn't exactly the newest news, but apparently Linds and her gal-pal Samantha Ronson had a bit of a Valentine's Day falling out in New York City.
The paparazzi that followed America's lezzie sweethearts from the Eldridge Club to their hotel said the gals fought the entire way back to their temporary New York digs. It's not very PC of me but I'm going to say it. Dyke Drama is just plain funny, as long as you're not the one in the middle of it. But here's the rub and why I love this story so much. Apparently, a frustrated Lindsay whipped out the old "now I'm really angry" on Sam and used her paramour's middle name. Word is Lindsay, famous for telling an Olsen twin to "get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend," shouted "Samantha Judith Ronson" down the Manhattan street. That's just rich.
Now here's a lesbian lady we all know and love but don't hear too much about these days. One Ms. Jodie Fister -- I mean Foster -- must have emulated her pal Mel Gibson's 2006 arrest, because she was docked for speeding through Beverly Hills recently, and not only did Jodie get a little cantankerous with the cops, her tirade was caught on tape by the new reality show Speeders.
Much to the chagrin of gawkers everywhere, Jodie refused to sign the show's waiver, so it looks like we'll get no Taxicab Confession from our little Ms. Foster. Now, only if she'd been cuffed, hauled to the Big House and called the desk clerk "Sugar tits" like Mel did.
