Since Pretty Little Liars’ resident lesbian character Emily’s adorable girlfriend Maya was hauled off to what is likely a rehab / ex-gay camp a few weeks ago when Emily’s uptight mom accidentally-on-purpose discovered Maya’s stash, there hasn’t been much of a love story to ‘Gay-Cap,’ but PLL’s writers are managing to keep the gay storyline relevant. 

While Emily (Shay Mitchell) is not the only one who misses her free-thinking California-born girlfriend Maya (Bianca Lawson) – we miss her too – the creative team at PLL took on the weighty and prescient issue of bullying this week, wrapping it up in a pretty little package and inside  the over-arching surreal mystery story that drives the show.

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Lie, Lie Again

Despite possibly losing her first love to rehab / juvie / ex-gay camp True North, Emily is sublimating that pent-up pain and energy into her strokes – in the pool that is. When we first happen upon Em this week things are literally moving along swimmingly as she’s at swim practice leaving her teammates in her wake. Em’s coach points out that she must have eaten her Wheaties and praises Emily for her ‘renewed commitment’ to the sport and for breaking a record.

But all is not well in Waterworld. Emily’s coach interrupted her teammate Paige. She’s a highly competitive and jealous type with a bob and bad bangs--that would make Bettie Paige’s head spin--who’s gunning for team captain, and Em’s renewed commitment to her strokes threatens to stand in her way. Plus, Em’s achievements in the water and subsequent pats on the back from coach interrupted Paige’s crap gift-giving schmooze-fest with her teammates, and Paige is not happy about it.

All good high school teen girl stories need a locker room scene, and Em gets hers when Paige drops by Em’s locker to threaten her, basically telling her to lay off and to suck more at swimming. But Emily is nonplussed at the empty threats as she’s really just intending to metaphorically drown her sorrows –ala a broken heart --in the chlorine.

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But here’s the thing, as Paige attempts to intimidate Emily she also picks up Em’s bra off the locker and fondles it in a very Hitchcockian Mrs. Danvers in Rebecca moment.

“Being into the breast stroke could hurt you,” Paige menaces. But after Paige’s display of fascination with Em’s bra ‘me thinks the bully doth protest too much.’ 

And if that weren’t enough Paige adds, “We all know what team you play for.” This is where ABC Family really deserves some kudos. Just as Paige hits her blustering, homophobic peak a banner for the ‘It Gets Better’ campaign runs along the lower third of the screen.

Meanwhile BFF’s Hanna (Ashley Benson) and Aria (Lucy Hale) are at odds because the mysterious blackmailer ‘A’ has convinced Hanna to out Aria and her creepy of-age boyfriend / pedagogue, Ezra, to Aria’s mom. In exchange ‘A’ promises to help Hanna and her thieving mom pay back the money she stole to keep Hanna in designer handbags and lattes. So at the crux of the fight is Hanna attempting to get Aria to take a break from seeing her English teacher for a while, which Aria takes to mean a lack of support from her friend. And yet again, it baffles me that a show that tells a gay storyline with such care and thoughtfulness fails to even nod at the unlawfulness of Ezra’s love life. Aria’s mom would be the least of his worries when he’s in the state pen for statutory rape. But that’s a whole other recap…

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Back to Emily. She’s eating mystery meat luncheon with Aria and Spencer (Troian Bellisario) when she reveals that Paige made a couple of homophobic remarks.

“I will destroy her,” Spencer says, while Aria chimes in, ‘I will help.”

Later, Aria’s mom, who’s now a history teacher at their school, is discussing the policy of ‘appeasement’ with her students and asking if it works.

The big-brained Spencer shoots her hand up and says, ‘Giving in to a bully never works. You have to stand up to them.’ And just like that writers have drawn a metaphor between bullying and war. Not bad for a show that is so outwardly glossy. 

It’s not the end of locker room drama for the episode yet. Em’s coach calls her and Paige to the locker room.

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Coach says it’s been brought to her attention that a homophobic comment had been made. “We have a zero tolerance policy,” she says about antigay bullying. But Emily’s not prepared for the face-to-face meeting with Paige and rather than throw her under the school bus Emily says, “It was a misunderstanding.”

Coach isn’t buying Emily’s story, but without a complaining witness there’s not much she can do other than let Paige go.

Now, back to Paige’s crappy gifts for the team. She bought bracelets from the same place as the person who commissioned a fake ‘Alison’ bracelet, which turned up in an episode last summer.

Luckily there was a card with the store’s name on it, prompting Spencer and Emily to make an appointment to investigate the bead shop – which is incidentally run by Charlotte Rae giving a wink and a nudge to her Facts of Life days when she starred as Mrs. Garrett caring for several rich, bored school girls with a lot of time on her hands. Sound familiar?

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Spencer and Em are about to sojourn to the bead shop when Emily mentions that coach called her in for a meeting with Paige. “Did the coach kick her off the team?” Spencer asks. "She needs to be put in her place.”

Paige has a long history of bullying, according to Spencer. It turns out Spencer told Coach about the anti-gay remarks and Emily is not happy about it.

Misinterpreting Emily’s anger Spencer says she thought everyone at school knew that Em and Maya were a couple.

“I don’t care if the coach knows I’m gay,” Emily shouts. “It was not up to you.”

And here’s where it gets ugly. “You never stood up to Alison,” Spencer retorts, hitting a nerve as Alison was Emily’s first crush. Hurt and angry, Em says she suddenly remembered she had homework to do, leaving Spencer to head off to the bead shop.

Whenever there’s a mystery and a pool in a story about teens, you can bet something bad is going to happen in the pool. It is as written in popcorn butter and fake blood as Scream’s rules for horror movies.

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Alone, after hours practicing her strokes, Emily reaches the edge of the pool only to be held under by someone with man hands.

After a couple of extending dunkings Emily comes up sputtering to see Paige there.

The usual threats ensue with Paige telling Emily to essentially watch her back for going to coach about the slurs. It looks like it’s not the last we’ll be seeing of bully Paige and her bangs.

Until next week…

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