Where the Girls are on TV: This Week in Channel Surfing

And a long week in television it has been. The good news is that as he enters the presidency, I have very high hopes that Barack Obama will change the world as we know it. The downside is that in the meantime lesbians are being shoved off the air like an off-key folksinger on Showtime at the Apollo.

As our civil rights are being stepped on, it is still my duty to tell you about what is left of the lesbian characters being slowly slaughtered off of television.

First up on my shit list is the confusing-as-my-first-kiss-with-a-boy exit by blatantly fired Dr. Erica Hahn (Brooke Smith) on Slay’s Anatomy.

At the end of last weeks episode and with an angry, Izzie-hating look in her eye, Hahn states clearly to her once lover, “You can’t kind of be a lesbian!”

To which Sara Ramirez's Callie replies with America’s new catch phrase “Yes, I can.” And I am left thinking… what the f*** kind of writing is this?

Even more annoying than that was Grey’s Anatomy’s creator, Shonda Rhimes, striking back at the inherent upset of the show’s sudden lack of lesbianage, “Clearly it’s not an issue as we have a lesbian character on the show -- Calliope Torres”, she says. There really is no telling why Rhimes believes that lesbians and bisexuals are ‘same-same.’ Has she been hanging out with Lindsay?

The lack of current lesbians in primetime television have left me with no choice, but to bring forth A Brief History of Lesbians in Television with your hostess and yours truly, KC Lane (me):

Our first girls were introduced in the 1988 medical series Heartbeat with Gail Strickland as lead lesbian. It wasn’t until three years later thatL.A Law brought girl-on-girl kissing to the scene in 1991. Even though one of the characters was bi we have to give props to the first girly kiss that gave other networks the go-ahead to kick more network ass in the years that followed.

We could never forget the controversial teen kiss on Picket Fences, which gave me some courage -- and home study material -- back in the day. That episode has been embedded in my mind for over a decade.

In my opinion Ellen was one of the funniest sitcoms to have ever hit the airwaves. And after being given the ax, Ellen DeGeneres herself made a comeback from the sitcom and went on to win a record 12 Emmys, proving once again that change is always just around the corner.

In 1996 Carol (Jane Sibbett)and Susan (Jessica Hecht) made us all proud as they exchanged vows on Friends.

We all watched as the first televised lesbian wedding set the bar for our small screen successes. There were no fears or ratings drops, so why now are producers so scared of putting up sexy lesbians in a primetime slot? Friends did it and it doesn’t get bigger than that!

Back to present day where I sit clinging to what’s left of my girls on T.V…

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This week on ABC Family, Lincoln Heights took a big step out with the teenage girl-on-girl kiss. Cassie’s gay BFF Stacy has a crush on Kelly, whom they are unsure if she is indeed a lesbo. But in true friend form, Cassie asks Kelly on behalf of Stacy if she likes her gay gal pal. Kelly then kisses Cassie in a case of the always mistaken “my friend wants to know” story. Did you get all that? On that note: Gina, my ‘friend’ is wondering of you, will have sex with her?

Playboy gazillionairre Hugh Hefner’s third favorite girlfriend is getting married. Kendra Wilkinson is set to wed some football dude, whose name escapes me being that I am still reeling over the fact that she is even with a man. I suppose I am still half expecting her to crawl sheepishly out of the closet. C’mon, Kendra seriously? You can tell us.

Scared that she will do something sudden, Lindsay Lohan was stripped of her duties as the next host of the World Music Awards. The WMA refused to comment when I decided to not call them for my lack of giving a shit. Lindsay, are you out there in West Hollywood fighting for our rights with the rest of us? Sam? Hellloooo?

Lindsay must be out making her Lesbian in the Dark album with the help of her mom, Ali. That is, when she is not busy being passed up by Hannah Montana.

Luckily for me, Denise Richards will be replacing the falling star. I may watch the whole awards ceremony in my favorite Denise-volume: mute. This way I can make up my own interpretations of what she is saying -- to me. Oh, c’mon, don’t pretend like you don’t do that!

Speaking of taxation without representation, the unstoppable Melissa Etheridge is heading to Disneyland! She talks about the ability to save half a mil in taxes due to her new role as a self-proclaimed second-class citizen. In a statement made to The Daily Beast, Ethridge pontificates quite eloquently, “What recession? We’re gay!” I’m with Etheridge, saving the extra money will be swell! I desperately need a new pair of jeans.

Miss the last "Where the Girls are on TV?"Read it here.