11 beginner tips for going down on a V from sex experts

1. Workout your tongue

We usually think about working out our biceps and abs, but according to queer and nonbinary certified sex educator Dr. Shanna K. Kattari, who also wrote Oral Sex That'll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms, you should be focused on strengthening your tongue if you want to have the stamina to eat someone out long enough to give them at least one O, if not more.

“This is great to do while your camera is off during a zoom meeting, or at the traffic light — move your tongue around, up and down, make it pointy to soft,” she tells PRIDE. "The more you build strength in it, the better tool it will be to pleasure your partner.”

2. Get to know the vulva in front of you 

Everyone’s body is different, so make sure you’re focused on how to bring your particular partner pleasure. “Everyone’s body is different, and so what worked on your last lover may not work as well on your new lady friend,” Kattari explains. “Take some time to look at it, smell it, stroke it, and try out different things to see what works for this particular person, and then use those data points.”

3. Don’t just use your mouth

You don’t get extra points for only using your mouth and tongue, so don’t be afraid to use your hands too. “Use your fingers to stroke the inner and outer labia, grab tightly to inner thighs, slowly slide one into the vagina or even just tantalizingly tease to the opening,” Kattari suggests.

4. Communication is key

Before you put your mouth to work, open it and talk to your sex partner. Queer adult performer and sex expert at Lustery, Gia Green says this is just as important before filming a scene as it is in the bedroom. “Ask what turns them on, what makes them melt, or what they’d love you to try. And once you're in the game, simple questions like, ‘Does this pressure feel good?’ or ‘Do you want more of this?’ are hot and can keep you on track while showing that you care.”

Green also says this is a great time to honor and celebrate the identity of trans and nonbinary partners, since all vulvas are different and not all people with vulvas identify as women. “For transmasc folks, you might want to indulge further in sucking them up! Consider taking the time to ask your partner how they relate to their body and what language they prefer for different parts and activities,” she says.

5. Build up to it

You may be nervous and want to dive right in, but foreplay and building anticipation are important if you want to ramp up your partner. Green suggests you "spend time teasing and exploring other erogenous areas like over-the-clothes teasing, nipple and breasts, inner thighs” before your mouth anywhere near their vulva.

6. Get comfy

According to pop culture, the most common position is one partner on their back, with the “giver” between their legs, but Kattari advises trying other positions to find what's comfortable for you both. You don’t want to have to stop before they cum because you got a neck cramp, right?

“Try pillows to elevate the receiver's hips, or flip them on their side, or have her ride your face,” she says. “Figure out what feels more comfortable and then settle in.”

7. Take a shower

Despite what the media tries to tell you, vulvas shouldn’t smell like roses and taste like pineapple, but if your about to go down on someone who is nervous about how they smells or taste, suggest taking a shower first. You can even take a shower together and turn it into foreplay! “Hop in the shower first and get all soaped up and rubbed down. That takes a lot of sensory anxiety people have off the table, and allows for some hot and heavy foreplay before you dive in,” she says.

8. Learn some basic techniques

If you’re nervous about your first time, or still feel like a novice, Green says to think about different techniques you can use when your down there, and then try them out in real life. You might want to try “slow, steady licks, gentle circles, humming and sucking, the finger combo... experiment with your partner and learn together what turns them on,” she says.

9. Don’t forget to breathe

This one is pretty straight forward, but try to relax and don’t hold your breath. “It's crucial to create a comfortable, pressure-free environment and enjoy the moment without rushing,” Green reminds us.

10. Eat her with a passion

Licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos, who is bisexual herself and lives with a woman, says her best piece of advice is to “eat the vagina with passion.” According to Roos, holding back is a common mistake newbies make. “If you are enthusiastic and show that you like it, it’ll not only make your partner able to relax more, but you will also give better oral sex,” she explains.

11. Slow Down

Once you have some experience under your belt you’ll be able to better read your partner’s body language and cues so you’ll know when you’re doing something they like, but when you’re still new to the muff diving game, you should take it slow.

“When going slow, it’s also easier to pick up on your partner's signals, you get yourself time to explore parts of the vagina with different techniques, and you build it up in a very hot way — so make soft movements and don’t be afraid of letting it take some time,” Green says.

You may be a beginner now but practice makes perfect!