Cara Delevingne is bravely opening up about her struggles with suicidal thoughts and internalized homophobia.
In a recent appearance on Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow's The Goop Podcast, the 28-year-old — who came out as pansexual in 2020 (after previously coming out and identifying as bi in 2015) and who came out as genderfluid in 2018 — chronicles how growing up with a conservative, old-fashioned background with little to no queer role models to look up to contributed to her own internalized shame when it came to queerness.
"I grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn't know anyone who was gay," Delevingne told Paltrow. "I didn't know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I wasn't knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic."
She also admits that same-sex couples used to "disgust" her, and that disgust paired with shame helped contribute to what she described as suicidal moments in her life.
"The idea of being with same-sex partners, I was disgusted by that, in myself," the Carnival Row star recalled. "I was like, 'Oh, my God, I would never. That’s disgusting, ugh.'"
"I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life to that because I was so ashamed of ever being that," she continued. "But actually, that was the part of me that I love so much and accept."
But Delevingne is in a much better, happier, and more accepting place now, telling Paltrow "I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts."
If you or someone you know is struggling and need someone to talk to, call the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
