Cara Delevingne is bravely opening up about her struggles with suicidal thoughts and internalized homophobia.
In a recent appearance on Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow's The Goop Podcast, the 28-year-old — who came out as pansexual in 2020 (after previously coming out and identifying as bi in 2015) and who came out as genderfluid in 2018 — chronicles how growing up with a conservative, old-fashioned background with little to no queer role models to look up to contributed to her own internalized shame when it came to queerness.
"I grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn't know anyone who was gay," Delevingne told Paltrow. "I didn't know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I wasn't knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic."
She also admits that same-sex couples used to "disgust" her, and that disgust paired with shame helped contribute to what she described as suicidal moments in her life.
"The idea of being with same-sex partners, I was disgusted by that, in myself," the Carnival Row star recalled. "I was like, 'Oh, my God, I would never. That’s disgusting, ugh.'"
"I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life to that because I was so ashamed of ever being that," she continued. "But actually, that was the part of me that I love so much and accept."
But Delevingne is in a much better, happier, and more accepting place now, telling Paltrow "I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts."
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If you or someone you know is struggling and need someone to talk to, call the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.